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My SAH cannot afford to fly to Beverly Hill weekly, so has anyone’s ex, current partner, etc found a “GOOD” therapist that 1) calls the SAH on their crap, 2) holds them accountable, 3) gets at least “some” of the partner trauma model, and 4) helps them work on real issues not the smokescreen……
My guess is that there is no way that a former partner would do it, but if they (SA) were to stand a chance in hell at doing the real work, and understanding that’s where Id put my money. March–what do you think?
It seems like a conflict of interest, but there sure as hell are enough “former” SAs out there offering their services to us partners…Would be great to stack the deck in the other direction.Sorry Barbra I should have said that POSARC look after partners but they are based in NYC and might know a good therapist for your husband. Could Omar recommend anyone?
Cat-Nope-that is why I am asking….and unfortunately that is why I am asking…
Meg -thanks-i do coaching with Barbara but I am looking for someone for my H…
As I understand it, coaches are allowed to do phone, Skype, etc. sessions with people in other states, but therapists can only “see” people n the state(s) they are licensed in. Coaches concentrate on goals and behaviors but aren’t allowed to get into processing trauma or family of origin issues and such.
Some therapists (Steffens) are also coaches, but the ethical ones don’t do therapy when they’re wearing their coach’s hat.
Yes, that is the way I understand it too March. God knows…these guys need the deep stuff….like digging a bloody hole to china deep.
Maybe its more important to find someone for him who can deal with childhood trauma and childhood wounds? As far as partner trauma, IMO, any normal therapist understands the pain and upheaval caused by infidelity. It’s only CSATs that attempt to make cheating something acceptable and tell you it can make your marriage so much better, if you can just understand all his childhood wounds and how that caused him
to do it. Shoot me now.Mine has done better with the “childhood trauma” therapist for whatever that is worth. The therapists was recommended by the CSAT. Maybe calling around your area and just asking if any of them deals with this crap would help. ….
I think you could also call or ask the SA groups that meet to share the therapists that some of them use.
I wish your H could get to Minwalla somehow. I know he will negotiate the price somewhat. It seems that you want o try and that he is open to trying. I would say Minwalla is the best shot for that.
Mrs. Grinch ( not her real name) used somebody that she really liked and that was helpful to her H also. I cannot remember who she said it was…..
I’ll try to look thru my messages and se if I can find a name.
Where are you located – I think phone work as March said is a big ethical problem! I might know someone in SF but try getting a referral from Omar or Barbara
Barbra, if you are in Texas:
John Watterson: 512-306-8086 and 512-306-0663
PhD, Addiction Specialist, my husband’s counselor. Every. Bit. As. Good. As. Omar., but on a weekly basis. Very, very special counselor. Gets trauma model completely. Gets through to these guys.
I spoke with Omar at length about this – I will try a few of the ones mentioned to see if they do phone counseling. My SAH has and will see Omar again but we need someone long-term – Omar said getting the trauma model is not as important as the things I mentioned before – holding him accountable, etc… Thanks for the ideas – if he gets someone worth anything I will let you know!
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