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Hi Lex!!
Think of you every day!! Miss you too!!! Loved that you called me a bitch earlier in the post!! Lol!! That’s a true friend!!
Happy T Day!!! XO!!!
Hi Sisters! My Internet is down, so I’m typing from my phone. God bless you ladies who do it this way on a regular basis!! Anyway, first of all, SL, you are not allowed to apologize for having a life!! I couldn’t ask for a better friend than you. I would never have come so far if it weren’t for you and the other sisters!! I need to put on my big-girl panties & figure this out. Not that I wont take some help& support, but you can’t be there to hold my hand 24/7!!
And thank you so much, sisters for telling me I’ve grown. I feel like a slow learner, but I’ll get there. There isn’t any divorce in either of our immediate families. A lot of dysfunction, but no divorce. I guess that word still has a stigma for me, esp growing up Catholic. And thank you for saying I’m courageous. Ugh, I’m terrified as hell. Just gotta keep my focus…
Thanks, bitches! LOL!!
XOXOAwww….. You’ll get there, my favorite little Zumba bitch!! You’re gonna be a shining star!! I love you!!! <3
I believe God releases us from the marriage commitment when there is infidelity. I’m a protestant, but that’s my understanding of the Bible. He broke his vows. God loves us, Julie. Even without that “loophole”, I truly believe God is bigger than rules. When I was engulfed in guilt when divorcing my first husband, my counselor said something that made me feel so much better. He said God is about building people, not about rules. (Sounded better when he said it. I remember the spirit, though not exact phrasing . . .) He sees your heart, and your husbands actions.
I think Catholics don’t have that loophole for woman, only for men. Who knows, they keep changing the rules. Technically though, divorce isn’t in the ten commandments or one of the cardinal sins. He, on the other hand, is screwed. He has both covered.
However… Very well said Sunny. I don’t think God would persecute you for refusing to be abused like this. It sounds like you’ve gone far beyond and above compassion, forgiveness and giving him a lot of chances. I am amazed at how generous you have been. I truly believe there are men out there that would adore you and respect you. Not take advantage of you. Even if you’ve given up hope on him, always believe in yourself.
Thanks, ladies. It’s not even so much religious guilt/fear (esp. since I’m somewhat in the agnostic zone at this point), as it is just letting go of that thought/wish/belief/whatever that it would be forever (which came with the since-abandoned Catholic upbringing). Gotta let that go…
Thanks, ladies. It’s not even so much religious guilt/fear (esp. since I’m somewhat in the agnostic zone at this point), as it is just letting go of that thought/wish/belief/whatever that it would be forever (which came with the since-abandoned Catholic upbringing). Gotta let that go…
Thanks, ladies. It’s not even so much religious guilt/fear (esp. since I’m somewhat in the agnostic zone at this point), as it is just letting go of that thought/wish/belief/whatever that it would be forever (which came with the since-abandoned Catholic upbringing). Gotta let that go…
Dear Z Girl,
I am Catholic and I understand. BUT…I told you before. The quickest study on SA that I have met to date was a British priest working in Bali. In 5 minutes he said this is NOT what Jesus intended in a marriage…marriage should not be this hard, you can only take so many hits, this is soul destroying stuff and RUN. 🙂 All anaysis aside and cut the BS I thought…. Karen xx
Karen, thank you so much for posting that! My marriage counselor was a Christian, not sure what church, and said almost the same thing. And 25 years ago my first counselor, a Presbyterian, made a similar statement. I think sometimes people lose faith because people who are in the church make judgmental statements that are reflective of the heart of God. And sometimes women stay in marriage out of guilt and a belief that they would be going against their faith, not just because of love–or finances.
I don’t believe my husband had the capacity to make any vows back in 1980 when we married. And he knew he didn’t but he did it anyway. His emotionally incestuous relationship with his mommy precluded our having a real marriage. If I were Catholic I would have grounds for an annulment.
Ditto Diane,
It is not a real marriage when the man you marry lies and misrepresents himself as having values the same as your and then lives a life the complete opposite of those values. NONE of us would have married our husbands if we had known what they do so how can the marriages really be valid? Karen xx
We were married in 1982. my h had his first affair 3 weeks after our wedding day. Thank you notes weren’t even finished. The second affair (had sex with a coworker in her car) was approx. 8 months after we were married. The jerk tried to blame his infidelities on having too many kids. – They didn’t start arriving for 3 more years! I could also have my marriage annulled.
I like Jeanette’s plan – sue him for fraud. we married a bunch of phonys.
Wow I have learned so much this year, thank God I wrote it down.
Oh, hadj608! 3 weeks! What a jerk!
Sometimes I wonder how all of us have survived what we’ve been through with our faculties somewhat intact. That we’re not babbling away in some corner with our hair matted and our clothes and skin filthy and torn. I certainly feel like I am only 1 step away from that some days.
Remember the play/movie “Steel Magnolias”? I think we are all beautiful flowers with insides made of pure steel. How else would we have survived this gory mess?
This is the most awesome Zumba Girl post of ALL time! I fucking love that Julie went all ninja on him! Jules, you’re a SUPER HERO, don’t you forget it!
I always wished she had drop kicked his face, while she was at it. Yeah…I remember feeling like cheering. BUT it was even more satisfying when Julie went to visit SL for the weekend…..that was one of my happiest days on SOS.Talk about a mouse growing teeth….. 😉
Liza–you are awesome at picking gems from the past! Reading these threads, I am just so incredibly happy on Julies behalf! It is good to look back on where she has been and all the shit she has tread through and how amazing it is that her light is still shining so brightly through it all! I am so thrilled that she is ending it with that SOB! I feel like we should have a party! (and for Heidi too!)
I think it’s good for all of us to see where we’ve been, and where we are now. It makes our recovery more real, and maybe helps new sisters to see the journey for others. We didn’t all arrive here knowing what we know and wondering what we wonder now.
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