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What issues between Mom and I? The issue is that he’s a sex addict. I cannot believe he has involved your kids. I am so sorry. It seems like in most cases, they just keep hurting you over and over again until you say enough. Someone told me to think about invisible angels surrounding you. That image helped me yesterday. I hope it helps you today. Be well…
Stay in bed Trish. You deserve some down time. I stayed on the couch for weeks and awake for two days at a time just consumed with all that went into kicking him out a 2nd time and it’s damn exhausting.
Oh to be a fly on the wall when he gets the papers.
Any chance your kids would tell him to leave them out of y’all’s marital issues?
What a day!
Just checking in, if you need me let me know. I can handle an hour’s drive and I’ve been to Winston Salem a number of times. Mom’s appt should be over at 4pm.
Thinking of you, Trish. I hate what these guys do to us. The sisters all gave you great advice already, so I just want to add one thing.. that it won’t always feel this horrible. Sending you comforting hugs. xoxo
Unfucking believable! Actually I can believe it b/c unless you have physical evidence, they will deny, deny, deny. I am seriously beginning to wonder if they hand out a “How to be a Sex Addict for Dummies” book with how much word-for-fucking-word these guys sound alike!
And I echo what Bev said…something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately…I think I’ve heard this on Oprah in the past – if they show or tell you who there true selves are…believe them! In one of our heated discussions, my SAH said he was a “World Class Liar” and that’s how he was able to get away with all that he has done for all these years. And now, when he wonders why I don’t believe one word he says, I just say – “you told me what a great liar you were, why would that be any different now?”.
Trish – your instincts are spot-on. There is no way he didn’t actually have sex with a real live woman. I’d bet money on it. And that it was way more than one. Sorry for the bluntness but I’ve been there, done that and want you to learn from my mistakes.
I did hear it on Oprah but it’s a quote from Maya Angelou…
“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
― Maya AngelouMaya Angelou spent a lot of time in Winston-Salem – she was a professor there when I went to Wake. She is in the air, Trish – hold onto her words and her spirit.
I wish I was closer – we would send the SOS SWAT team your way. Lynn is there for you, hun. This is the WORST.
The blaming (that’s where he is right now) game is worse than the discovery/disclosure. Mine started there and when that didn’t work, moved onto minimization (it was only 1 affair and 1 year of hookers, vs. 4 and 5) – the next will be rationalization (it was all my mom’s fault), and then there is the gas lighting (that’s probably right up there with blaming. You are doing the right thing by getting out the way. This will end up with him either getting help and figuring it all out, or in divorce. I know it may not seem it right now, but the divorce will save you much heartache because even if they get into recovery – they have relapses – both in terms of SA activities and their NPD thinking. (mine is in the middle of one of those right now).
So – big hugs, Trish. This is not easy stuff – and for god’s sake – tell your kid’s that their Dad is very sick right now….and they should stay away from him (until he is better), too. It all just turns my stomach.
Let us know what we can do for you. Sounds like Lynn is on her way…but we are all here for you.
Deb
Maya Angelou spent a lot of time in Winston-Salem – she was a professor there when I went to Wake. She is in the air, Trish – hold onto her words and her spirit.
I wish I was closer – we would send the SOS SWAT team your way. Lynn is there for you, hun. This is the WORST.
The blaming (that’s where he is right now) game is worse than the discovery/disclosure. Mine started there and when that didn’t work, moved onto minimization (it was only 1 affair and 1 year of hookers, vs. 4 and 5) – the next will be rationalization (it was all my mom’s fault), and then there is the gas lighting (that’s probably right up there with blaming. You are doing the right thing by getting out the way. This will end up with him either getting help and figuring it all out, or in divorce. I know it may not seem it right now, but the divorce will save you much heartache because even if they get into recovery – they have relapses – both in terms of SA activities and their NPD thinking. (mine is in the middle of one of those right now).
So – big hugs, Trish. This is not easy stuff – and for god’s sake – tell your kid’s that their Dad is very sick right now….and they should stay away from him (until he is better), too. It all just turns my stomach.
Let us know what we can do for you. Sounds like Lynn is on her way…but we are all here for you.
Deb
Just had a call from the first CSAT we saw together the week I discovered him. He was going to set up the CVSA for SAH to take at the end of this week. I filled him in on yesterday and he thought my SAH was lying also. He validated my thoughts at the time and my thoughts today. He said his absolute refusal to verify the truth was from fear because he knows he has not given me the truth. He also does not believe that a man that creates an online profile does not act on it. This guy is old – has seen it all and heard it all and he believes my SAH is not being truthful. I feel less crazy now. I also read him the email he sent our children and he said that my SAH even bringing up the idea that I should trust him was ludicrous. Thank God for a rational man!
Just picked up my son from school, and dropped my mom off at home after Dr. appt.. Call me if you want me to get in the car and head your way, I would be there at 6pm. It sounds like you will be exhausted, but I’m available.
704-691-9155
Lynn
Trish Dear, I do not know your whole story. I did message you. I just read you are speaking with Omar – so good. My h did a one day trauma intensive with Omar. When we can afford, he will do more with Omar. I love Omar. My SA and I had a one hour with him, he is good to meet in person with. My SA goes to weekly counseling with a therapist from Omars center also. You also seem to be in a special situation as it sounds like you and your H live in separate states? Or am I just not understanding. See to make matters even worse, my csat therapist says that to an SA, out of town is like going to Disney Land. My SA acted out at peep shows, a hooker, porn, and a call girl when out of town, oh and also a massage parlor.
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