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My phone was having “problems” for the last two days, and from the erratic nature of it, I feel sure it was my STBXSAH just showing me that HE has the passcodes and HE pays the bills on the phone so HE can decide when I have internet access, and who I can call. The web access kept being ‘unavailable’ for hour long spells all day, and a friend I was picking up at the airport (male) tried to call and text me for an hour telling me where to pick him up. We did run into eachother merely by providence, but I felt sorry that HE thought I was just ditching him and his fiance when they were on a tight timeframe.
Funny, all my calls to and from my mother and children were fine. Couldn’t have anything to do with my STBXSAH’s determination that his paying my phone bill was enabling me to have a “social life”, while he was starving to provide for the family, God forbid? Naw.
So today, I went to the SC house and dug through the desk drawers and found “another” old phone of STBXSAH’s. What is this now, seven? I took it and had it unlocked (he passcodes and double locks everthing). Transfered my phone number to it, and got service in my name. Then texted STBXSAH and told him he could take my phone off his billing, thanks. No comments, no conversation.
Of course, when the phone was finally programmed there were 521 contacts on it, 90% women, several craigslist confirmations, etc. I didn’t even read them, just deleted them. Wasn’t even surprised. What a complete loser. With that many female contacts, he STILL had to pay whores?
Guess I was the only one fool enough to have anything to do with him, in person.
But not now, not now.
Lynn, He is a loser, but you are so strong. That you did not even need to look at the contacts, but could simply delete them and see him for what he is shows your strength.
Keep moving forward, away from his chaos and need for control.
Well, I HOPE I solved it. Now I can’t send texts or calls, or get them on this phone. ARGH! Can’t even make a call to the service center. Wouldn’t it be funny if I did that and it’s the carriers? Well, maybe not. Maybe it was just a necessary thing for safety and I got pushed by circumstance/providence.
something to spend my day on tomorrow, I guess. Trying to see why I can’t use this phone either.
Lynn, it doesnt matter why, just being able to delete all the messages without looking – god I hope I get to a point of being able to do that. And the way you handled it, calm and detached……bet he hated it !! Fab x
Hey Lynn,
Damn, you just can’t get a break, can you?
I don’t know of any way that anyone can control a cell phone in the way you describe. Pass codes only allow physical access to the phone and cannot control access to the Internet or the ability to call certain numbers.
The only thing he could do is discontinue the service completely.
Someone please correct me if I am wrong.
I suspect it is the carrier.
Why not just go to a local cell phone store, get a free phone (all carriers have them when you sign up for new service), and get a minimal contract? Get a new number and don’t give it to him. I would not want to be using his phone–it’s just a psychological connection. You need to be free of him.
Hugs ~ JoAnn
He can control it because it’s under his family plan and he is the only one with the passcodes.
Just download an app, really. It’s how I blocked him from my phone, but he can do it for ALL the phones.
Lynn, he cannot control internet access and calls randomly on your phone from where he is. You either have internet access or you don’t. You either have a calling plan or you don’t. He can cancel these plans through his provider, but he cannot randomly control them at will.
There is no way in hell he can control your phone from a distance. Technology is great, but that type of technology does not exist.
Apps only work on the phone that you download them on (it is a software installation) and can only be controlled via the phone where the app is downloaded.
The pass codes are to get into the phone to use it, and you have to have the phone in your hand to enter the pass codes, which allow you to use the phone.
I am so worried about you Lynn. Your fears seem to be manifesting as paranoia. This is a classic sign of PTSD.
Do you have a counselor there where you are?
Love and hugs ~ JoAnn
JoAnn, I could do to Sarah what he is doing to me when I had her phone on my plan just by going online. I could allow web access, voice, or text, on whatever schedule I wanted. And change it at will. I used it to stop her calling and texting and going online when she was supposed to be in class, or supposed to be asleep.
It is not paranoia. When I found out she took her phone to school, when phones in school were strictly prohibited, I just turned her phone services off. From home, when she had the phone in her pocketbook.
I could go online, select her line, and use parental controls to control when she had web access.
And I could choose phone numbers to block.
It is possible, I did it.
I know with Verizon if you are the account administrator and the phone is used by a minor (I suppose he could claim Lynn is a minor) you can limit what numbers can be called texted to and from the phone or what hours the phone can be used (not during school hours for example) or you can suspend the service temporarily so the phone can’t be used at all. I did all of those things at various times when my kids were younger and limiting their cell phones was the worst punishment for them.
And again Lynn, why not go and get a free phone with a new minimum calling plan with a new number and you are free? ~ JoAnn
I don’t know about limiting or suspending internet service. At the time I was using the parental controls my kids didn’t have internet on their phones.
I have worked out the phone issue. It is prepaid. STBXSAH has no access now. He can only call it like other people. I did not want to change my number, though. It’s what’s on as emergency contact everywhere for the children and mom, and neices and nephews. AND it’s what’s on the job apps I’ve been sending out.
Because he now has no way to disconnect me, I have no problem just blocking all STBXSAH’s contacts. I am certainly not going to sweat what else he might do. What’s left?
And our carrier was then, and is now, Verizon. I changed carriers for just me, though. I didn’t even want a slim possibility it could be tampered with by proxy with all the other stuff we had with them.
JoAnn, no you can do it from the online account manager. I never did it from the phone itself. I’m willing to bet that that is what he was doing. Claiming Lynn’s phone was used by a minor and activated the parental controls. Fucker.
Lynn, glad you got the situation resolved. I understand about the phone number. I’ve had the same number forever. One number. And one phone at a time. Go figure.
Bravo lynn! I have just been stressing for the last few days with you. What a victory.
Now you are free to work on the rest of the shit that he has dumped on you.
We are all here for you lynn. Keep posting. ~ JoAnn
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