Book recommendations for moving on?

In the beginning, I read every SA book by reputable authors (trauma-base model) that I could get my hands on. I needed to understand what had happened to the husband of 23-24 years I thought I had. Time passed and I archived all those books, accepting those were his issues and I was giving them back to him.

It was at that point I started to realize I needed to start learning about what had happened to me, as a woman. I had to learn how to forgive him (for my own benefit so as not to be held captive by the poison that had infected me – still working dligently on that one and fine with however long it takes to be thoroughly done), and I had to learn to forgive myself. I blamed myself for being “blind, stupid, foolish, gullible, etc) and am also working diligently on that, again fine with however long that takes.

I lost myself in the grief and trauma of his lies, secrets, infidelity, double-life. So I’m working hardest on finding true self again.

There are a couple of books that have helped me with three of the four things you mention – getting past the grief, getting healthy and whole. As to getting ready for a new relationship, I think that will come naturally as the other three resolve.

A book I would recommend off the top of my head is The Rhythm of Life by Matthew Kelly.

Another that has some odd things in it but essential truths and is good is The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It’s worth repeating it has some odd things in it based on Ancient Toltec beliefs but the bottom line points made are good ones and have been of help to me.

Congratulations on being at the point of taking care of yourself and spending your time working in that direction. It’s a graduation from focusing on the chaos of what your life has been toward a life well-lived based on your own decisions, not those an SA partner/spouse decided for you without your knowledge or permission!

You are moving forward and that’s something worthy of a fat cigar and big bottle of wine out on the patio of your life! Know I’m sitting beside you in spirit.

Also Brene Brown’s book “I thought it was just me but it isn’t” and “How can I forgive you – The courage to forgive, the Freedom not to” by Janis Spring. I also bought “the gifts of Imperfection”. I hope they all help – I just have no focus to read them yet 🙁

“100 Ways to Kill that Asshole and Get Him Out of Your Life Forever”

I can’t remember who wrote it exactly.

I recommend you go back and read Courtney’s ‘fuck that’ list…works for me every time 🙂

Yoga and meditation saved my sanity. The audiobook “Meditation for Emotional Healing” by Tara Brach, as well as books by Thich Nhat Hanh, and Pema Chodron, who became a buddhist when she found out that her husband had been cheating. Her youtube video on Why I Became a Buddhist was really good. As they say “we are not our stories”. Once I got my SA out of the house and stopped talking to him, I was able to start to put it in the past and look forward. Do what is good for you.

I really like an easy read, simple book called He’s Gone, You’re Back! Subtitle: the right way to get over Mr. Wrong.

It is such a funny, entertaining, feel good, chick book. I highly recommend it!!