Checking back in

Greetings, sisters. It has been a while since I have been here. Between leaving my job at the beginning of 2013 to start up my nonprofit, consulting to pay the bills, and life’s general craziness, I have been exceedingly busy and without much extra spending money, so took a break from SOS for a while. I’m sorry for checking out for so long.
A lot has happened and I’m not sure when I last updated. I don’t know that I have anything really exciting to report but I did not want to just be lurking/commenting on other sister’s threads, especially new sisters, without sharing some of me.
So First, me 🙂 My nonprofit is doing well, we have received a couple of grants, and I should be able to hire a couple of staff soon. I have been working more than full time on a half time salary since July, so am looking forward to bringing some new staff on, expand our impact, and shift some of the work off my plate! I also started a consulting practice at the beginning of this year, and that has been building too, which is both exciting and overwhelming. With all of that, my travel schedule has been relatively nonstop the last couple months, but I am happy to say I’ve been able to maintain at least most of my important self-care practices… so overall I am personally in a much better place, emotionally, physically, and somewhat spiritually, than I was this time last year.
OK, now the relationship:
My SABF and I got back together in April. We do not live together. Separate spaces, having an inviolable space of my own, was non-negotiable for me. He has supposedly been “sober” for about 13 months now. I say supposedly, but I have no real reason to doubt him. He has been showing up differently emotionally overall since I broke up with him on Christmas last year and I have not caught him lying to me yet since that day. And in some strange way I feel like I would know if something important was off (?) I could be overly optimistic here. That said, my warning bells go off if anything out of the ordinary happens, and I deal with some extreme reactions that I know were not there before SA came into my life.
It was all the usual stuff to get me back after our no-contact period ended in mid-Feb. Apologizing, throwing himself into recovery, crying, pleading, making paintings of me (he’s an artist), acknowledging my feelings & making a real effort to meet my needs, prioritizing me and the relationship…. I think the sisters have heard this stuff many times before, and with the exception of a few husbands/partners it rarely lasts. Well, surprise! My SABF was NOT one of the exceptions. By mid-July he was really wrapped up in some stressful stuff going on with work, financial stress, and an upcoming art show, and basically seemed to lose his capacity to give, or even notice what I needed for that matter. Mid-August was the one year anniversary of our most recent/biggest D-day (ie. the night he didn’t come home, and the last time I kicked him out…) I was really triggered and emotionally distancing from late July until about a week after the anniversary passed.
In the last several weeks his attitudes have shifted. He has expressed his perceptions that I am still “holding on to the past” and that he thinks I need to move on. WTF. That shit is infuriating and shows me that something else is going on. His comments have overall started to sound entitled and his perspective seems skewed again. He seems unable once again to recognize my feelings and needs. From what I can see, his inability to empathize is back. Emotional connection and intimacy have started to drain him again. He stonewalled on me a few weeks ago for the first time in a year. The relationship is exponentially better than it was a year ago, but I am not sure it’s a good enough to stay.
Basically, he’s sober (as far as I know), but he’s become less emotionally unavailable and more resentful, entitled, etc over the past weeks and my gut is telling me that means something else is coming. Even if he doesn’t fuck around, I’m not sure whether I want the relationship at this point.
I think this is a common story. That their intimacy disorders and other shit don’t go away with recovery, in fact, sometimes they can resurface with an entitled vengeance. Because he’s keeping his dick in his pants. Doesn’t he deserve a fucking party favor or something?
I have a feeling that this will all come to a head soon, and I’m glad to be back and so glad you all are here. And looking forward to meeting and connecting with the newer sisters!