Chronic health problems, need support

HI Noco,
In her book Barbara STeffens has a list of health problems associated with partners of SA’s.
As a hypothryroid person, my numbers went crazy and I’m still trying to get myself back to normal. It’s the stress. It just wreaks havoc on us. I’m 57.
A number of women here use anti-depressants to help combat the symptoms that arise after dday. Please ask your dr. about that.
I also changed my diet to try and support thyroid function and other aspects of my health. I just want you to know you aren’t crazy, there are health consequences to this kind of trauma and ongoing stress. Have your Dr. run a thyroid health blood test to see if that is part of your troulbe. It is not uncommon at all. And I’m sure B. Steffens also listed autoimmune things too. Do you have her book?

Hi Noco. Yes I know just how you are feeling. Like you I have (had) the misfortune of an sa in my life. And like you am dealing with an autoimmune disorder – psoriatic arthritis. I will be 58 soon so we do have some things in common.

Having to deal with both of these things at the same time is very, very difficult I know. Almost too much at times. The hallmark of autoimmune diseases is pain and fatigue, the fatigue being overwhelming at times, like nothing I’ve ever experienced before, it is hard to describe to anyone whose never been through it. And for someone who has always been hardworking and energetic it is a blow to your self esteem, I feel worthless at times, I have to remind myself
its the disease, not me, that I’m not lazy.

Its good that your doctor at least diagnosed you accurately. I went around in circles for about fifteen years, knowing something was wrong, doctor after doctor, tests after tests, diagnosed with fibromyalgia?, anemia, etc, suspecting myself that it was something autoimmune but not knowing how to confirm it.

Fast forward to last summer, after the final four years with sa, knowing about his escalating porn use, knowing pretty much for sure he was cheating but after five joint replacement surgeries I had during those years too weak and in pain to do much about it, he finally left me and my son penniless.

I didn’t know it at the time, but during that extreme stress, I was in the middle of a major psoriatic flareup, the kind I have is inverse, in the folds of the skin, the most painful kind, ferociously itchy and painful, during an extremely hot and long summer, the sweating making it even more miserable, it was torture.

On the days when I don’t have much energy I will pick three two or even one thing I feel I can do or must get done. If the job will take longer than ten minutes, I break the task up into ten minute chunks, sit down for ten minutes between chunks. When the task or task gets done, I give myself a little reward, a coffee and muffin or listen to some music I’ve been looking forward to or play with my cat, you get the idea.

Methotrexate is also used to treat psoriatic arthritis although since I was recently diagnoses I havent actually yet begun any medication yet. Everyone’s medication regime is different. Autoimmune disorders are made worse by stress, how much worse stress is there dealing with an sa? Not much I would sa. Glad he is gone. Today I emailed my lawyer and asked her to proceed with divorce.

Noco, learn all you can about your disorder and join on line support groups. I still have a lot to learn about mine. My family doctor said out of his 15 years of practice I am his first patient with PsA because it is not very common.

Noco, pm me anytime. Please do not call yourself old and damaged. You still have much life to live and a lot to offer. Love, junie,.

Hi Noco, I am on antidepressants, wont be able to function without it. Will chat again have to prepare for a court hearing tomorrow with SA Yuk Yuk Yuk, so anxious

Yes…I would try to see an immunologist. It is WELL documented that chronic stress depresses the immune system and partners of SA’s do seem to develop lots of health problems. I developed breast cancer 2 years into a 4 year stint on Borneo, with my husband banging half of continental Asia in my bed every time I got on a plane. I didn’t know but I now feel the body knows what the mind cannot grasp. Prior to all of this I got the flu once a year and that was it.
These immune disorders are hard to pin donw and hard to treat but one thing is certain. You HAVE to reduce your stress to be well. Stress is taken very seriously by doctors in Asia. They have a very different and more holistic approach to the body than doctors in North America.
Post anytime you need to? Someone usually knows something about almost everything. Karen xx

Hi Noco, I don’t get to post much but had to respond to your post. I have been on both Methotrexate and Prednisone. I have Rheumatoid arthritis and I think you should keep a log of your symptoms and let your Dr know.
They may want to tweek your dosages or your meds. Also Depression is very common in autoimmune disorders but with what we have to deal with (SA) it’s pretty much normal.. An anti depressant helps a person think clearer especially while under stress. I also take an antidepressant.
Juniemoon, Psoriatic arthritis is very common in my family.. I have met a lot of people with it. What do you take for it?

Dear Novo, I have had my colon removed for an autoimmune disease called ulcerative colitis; I also have Krohn’s disease and fibromyalgia. As they may have told you, the problem for people like us (lupus is in the same family) is an immune system which is TOO active and will attack ourselves. The relationship with stress is absolutely PROVEN. No matter how hard this is, you must reduce the stress in your life. You may have to figure out whether it’s worse or better to stay with your SAH or leave, but at least you are fully entitles to social security disability. If you worked during your life, you can get SSI. If you were a housewife, you can get SSD. You are also old enough now to receive other aid…

Your husband must help maintain you whether you are together, separated or divorced. So the money, while not a lot, should be enough to manage.

As everyone eel has pointed out, antidepressants and anxiolitics (for anxiety) can make your quality of life better. NEVER beat yourself up for needing to take it easy and rest! If you have insurance, your doc can prescribe massage and even whirlpool. In most places there are support groups–and some will even come to you if you reach out.

The worst thing is that these illnesses are incurable and can make you feel old and hopeless. This is NOT true!!!! I have had this stuff since I was 19 years old, but have managed to live e full life. With your doc’s help, make an exercise and diet plan to help you feel your best, and then really work to stick to it. Give yourself every single way you can think of, a chance to laugh! Research also shows laughter can actually help people go into remission.

If there is a sister who lives near you, it would be wonderful if you and she could meet and spend time together sometimes. But most of all, be kind to yourself; you are NOT ALONE. Many of us suffer from these chronic conditions, and it gets easier to cope if you never, ever, blame yourself for feeling tired or choosing to rest when you red to…even if it’s a few weeks at a time. That being said, the best money I ever spent was on a treadmill. I use it when I can, and it has helped me so much.

Much much love to you!!!

Deb, sorry to hear about the rheumatoid arthritis. I hope you are able to manage it well and it is not causing you too much pain. In answer to your question, I was recently diagnosed and my appointment with the rheumatologist is May 27 so for now, just otc pain killers and Voltaren gel and Protopic ointment for the psoriasis. Since I am on benefits from the government, they will only start me out with the cheapest, probably the methotrexate, or arthrotec and only will pay for the biologics, such as Enbrel, if all else fails. My family doctor does not like the idea of methotrexate, he feels it is too harsh, as it is also used for cancer patients, that has me a bit worried about it too. One of the side effects is hair loss, and because my hair is already thinning and falling out, that also worries me.

Yes psoriatic arthritis DOES run in families, my daughter and son, both in their thirties, are beginning to develop symptoms, it sucks I know. I am on prozac also but I was on it before I knew about the PsA. Like these autoimmune disorders aren’t enough to deal with, we have to deal with the damn sas too. Sheesh!

Good question. I am so so sorry for your pain.
Just weeks after catching my husband, my weight got down to 105 pounds. Three months after D-Day, I had a complete mental break down, and spend that entire year in a state of shock…literally lost a year of my life to shock.
My body anesthetized itself to the point where I was able to go in for an ankle tattoo (which I really like) but I got a tattoo and never felt a thing. We are in trauma!!!!
Then to top it all off I have developed 3 breast tumors which now have to monitored every year to see if/when they metastasize.
I am so saddened by all of your stories. The SA should have all the health issues, the prostitutes should be the ones to carry the burdens of this shit they choose to participate in. (In this phase of my life I have NO sympathy for the whores)
I am a believer in anti-depressants to help us for a time…they saved my life, use them if you need them, until your life evens out a bit.