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Hi All – You will love this one.
Steve called me this evening and told me he had a trigger today in Walmart, and feels he needs to disclose to me and be totally honest from now on.
Of course, I see this as total manipulation. Think he feels if all of a sudden he is “Mr. Honest” he can keep me on the string and get me back. Like I’m gonna fall for that! Said he has only had 2 triggers since I moved out, (wup-te-do) and is really working on being focused. Also, says he has all the faith in the world that we will get back together some day. I told him I don’t have any faith in that- that he blew it, and that is why I am not with him anymore.
I have to tell ya-he sounds so sincere. I really think he is delusional and believes in his own mind he will get over this. I think he is one of those who believes his lies.
Does he not get that I couldn’t trust him one month ago and I don’t trust him now. Why in the f does he think I left him? Good God, these SA’s are too much.He’s doing it to feel you out, to see where your heart is at. He’s testing the waters so to speak. You’re showing him those waters are icy cold!! Good for you!! Whoever said absence makes the heart grow fonder never was involved with a SA!
I think he has figured out I’m not going back to him, so maybe trying to tug at my heart again. it used to work,so he thinks why not now. I can’t believe how numb I am to him, and it happened so fast. I am still having some ptsd flashbacks, though. Have had two nightmares since moving back, and they always revolve around the same scenario- Steve and I are in a room full of women and he is objectifying every one of them. (Kinda funny) I wake up and it seems so real. Apparently, some unresolved trauma still popping up.
At least my waking hours are resolved. How you doing for-now? Any closer to resolution?
Are we really going to have a reunion at your house? That would really be a blast.I’m just impressed that you spelled out wup-te-do!!
Keep up the good work. You’re doing great!
Much love, Claire
I liked wup-te-do too! Gosh Sharron, I wonder if was even at walmart? Maybe he just dreamed up this whole scenero eating breakfast! Unless they get a nose that grows, I don’t know how to tell if they are sincere or not.
hadj608- Who knows what they are capable of-could have made the whole thing up to try and make me think he is now going to be honest and give full disclosure. Ya, like I have only been out of the house a little over a month and all of a sudden he has seen the light. How stupid do we think they are?
I don’t think there is a chance in hell we can ever possibly know sincerity vs. manipulation. Bottom line is a leopard doesn’t change his spots-not at 68 y/o for sure.
Hadj608-hang in there. My thoughts and prayers are with you.Sharron I’m hanging in there. Still trying to find a csat that takes my ins. I was given a link by one csat to check into. It’s no better, no worse. I’m off the Lexapro and actually feeling not so panicky and the hot flashes have almost stopped. They started when I began the meds. My parents come next Wed and I will finally get to have my “cry my eyes out” moment I’ve needed with them since Mar 10th. Makes me teary eyed thinking of picking them up at the airport bc I know before they even get near me I will start crying as soon as I see them coming toward the security check point exit. I just want them to hug me so I can just bawl!!! There doesn’t even have to be words but they will have comforting ones for me. Eerily my H has not asked what my mom has said when I got off the phone recently with her. He KNOWS what she and my dad thinks of all this. He’s sparing himself the obvious by not asking.
Yes, I want to host a retreat in June if y’all can get away. I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t serious. Hope you can make it down here!!
I saw you mentioned calling me. Please do anytime you need to!!! That offer is always open!!
I’m still on the fence. It’s comfy here and he’s not given me any reason to pick a side except going to group and counseling. The wooing me hasn’t started yet which baffles and frustrates me. Oh well, my perch atop the fence has everything I need so I can’t complain. Space, view, peace, comfort, time with my girls, quiet and most importantly no threat of porn anywhere. That alone keeps me perched contently on the fence.
Dear Sharron
Their need for “honesty” and an occasional confession so to speak is bizarre. mine does it also. somewhere deep within their messy world’s is some kind of conscience. so they need to tell mommy so they feel better about having their hand in the cookie jar.
and then also, they are testing the waters also. to see if you still care. to see if they can get back in your life.
Pam-C Good point, and I am sure he is still testing the waters. I took care of that last night. I E-mailed him and told him that although I was glad he could be honest that ONE time, not to think I can forget that he was still lieing and triggering when I moved out a month ago, so basically one disclosure does not cut it and he has a long way to go.I also told him I never felt any love, respect or honesty from him during our marriage, and I also told him that I agree that I don’t have the hope of a recovery for him that he does, because his pd and addiction have been on since childhood.
I said that some say God can move mountains, but this is a mighty big one for him to move and he will need all “his” help to do it.
I pretty well shut him down without being a bitch-still holding out for the post nump, but I wanted to make it very clear he was not impressing me.
Yes, they have fleeting moments of a conscious, but one hour from now they can return to the dick they are.Oh- As I was thinking, the problem is he got a respone from me. That will not happen again. Sometimes I can’t keep my big mouth shut. That is probably what he was after in the first place. A negative reaction to him may be better than none at all.
He did not reply to the e-mail though, so must have pissed him off.No response is always the best response. I am siting outside on my patio crying buckets and my asshole knows he has a response. I can`t help it right now. But, I know what the thing is they hate most and that is to ignore them just as they ignored us for years as we begged, cried and pleaded…
No response is best response 🙂
Love, 1/2 drunk Bev wiping tears and snot and cussing the day he was born….
Yep, Bev, drives their narcissistic asses crazy when we ignore them. You got it, Sharon. There is power in not responding.
I really never hear from mine much anymore except for the drama he did a couple weeks ago which I totally squashed before his eyes. Anyway today I got a text from him, ” do you want this?”. He sent a picture with it. A box sitting on the floor of his garage. I have no idea what’s in it. I simply replied ” yes” because if I don’t like it I can sell it in the garage sale I’m going to have. WTF????? A picture of a box I’m sure he wanted me to ask him what was in it.
OK, now I am 3/4 drunk and listening to Billy Currington… He has some great country shit Teri!!
But, Nap makes me laugh… Picture of a box?? WTF??
Now, that`s funny…These pathetic guys that we have given our lives to…Geez.. I do not have a response.
God help us all. My Grandma always told me that God looks after drunks and idiots… I am both right now. Hope He is watching…
OH HELL YES!! I certainly do not have any reason to save it!! I am trying to drink the whole liter… I would puke first but I can absolutely make a dent in it. It`s my anniversary… Time to break out the good stuff.
Laughing now,
Bored with tears,
I will go there later,
BevI like your grandma’s saying bev! Is it red or white wine? red is my weakness I cant resist cabernet. Weirdest thing, I haven’t even wanted any wine since he left on Sunday. Last week I was starting around 4pm! phew I was starting to get worried!
Enjoy your wine! If I was there I would have brought a hunk of stinky 10 year old cheddar! Yum!
What I need is a good Guacomole ! And …. That`s it.. I am all good 🙂
Maybe ( if you ladies are lucky) JoAnn will kick me off the site:)
bev-JoAnn should have kicked me off the site. I am sure she thought I would never get it! That is why we are here, to love, guide, and yes, even give a good kick in the ass when it is needed. My God, JoAnn was blunt as a meat ax with me so many times and she was so right. But, WE have to get there. It just doesn’t seem to matter what any one tells us, when we get out belly’s full we cut and run.
Each in their own time.
You see, I have the advantage of knowing all of your struggles, but you did not see me at my worst when I was a crazy woman.
I do feel your pain and wish with all my heart that I could take it away, but I know that each of us must walk our own path. I am just glad that we all have each other.
It was a very lonesome path for me. That’s why I developed this site.
Love and hugs to all ~ JoAnn
Hi Bev,
Your grandma was talkin about your H- not you ! you can never be an idiot. drunk maybe (and that’s down right healthy once in awhile — esp on anniveraries) .
Joanne I can’t imagine not having a place like this, going through what you did with Larry. I would never, be in the place I am at without it.
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