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So I’m still perseverating on the 2 hour standoff at the front door yesterday and the court threat of the day before. I feel like I am just totally off balance when it comes to how this coparenting is supposed to work. Not to mention that over the last 2 years, I have gotten conflicting advice, changing advice, and I have continual threats and accusations no matter what I do.
But I don’t understand why HE can just not show up for visitation because he is in Austin at a hotel with his skank. Or celebrating New Years. Or whatever. He can do that with NO repercussions. He can violate court orders. He can *accidentally* or on purpose have his iphone with Bat, for example, with no repercussions. But if Bat volunteers at a club meeting to do something on a visitation day, I am in trouble.
I have been told to get a calendar for Bat’s room and put visitation day on it, and tell Bat that he is NOT ALLOWED to make ANY plans on those days. Even for his robotics team.
I have another friend whose ex-spouse won’t take the kids to their soccer games or practices on visitation days. Or have them do homework. Because it is “their” time and they just want to enjoy the kids. And there is nothing my friend can do legally.
How is any of this is the child’s best interest? Who the hell thinks that this is a reasonable way to raise kids? Why can the non-cutodial parent do whatever the hell they want while the custodial parent has to do the bulk of the child-rearing, keeping the other parent informed, and then clean up the mess when the other parents doesn’t parent? Why does the non-custodial parent get to do none of the work or have the responsibilities but gets veto power over what the kid does with their spare time or education? What teenager has to plan their life around their parent?
I have to do calendars, at least weekly emails, reports on dr/dentist/therapy appointments, education, social life, extracurricular activities, help a child with anxiety and other difficulties. All with a gun at my head constantly. One mistake or perception of one, I get a threat to go to court. Meanwhile he has to do NOTHING. He doesn’t have to show up. He doesn’t have to respond to anything. He doesn’t have to show any interest. I send emails every week and he complains that he would rather have them on a different day of the week (this is a fax from his attorney).
I am so fucking sick of this. What is wrong with this system? If defies logic and common sense. It’s all about entitlement for the non-custodial parent at the expense of everyone else. It is unfuckingbelievable.
I just need to rant and get this off my chest. I know many of you have lived it and know what I am talking about.
But there is something fucking wrong when I can send an email that Bat signed up to volunteer for his club and the response is not “Great- let’s see how we can make this work” or even, “Crap, I had something planned. We’ll have to figure out what to do now,” but a FAX from an attorney saying “We are going to the judge” and that is taken seriously. Not that doc e does it but that I have to spend an hours of my afternoon dealing with it and I get a lecture from Mr Junior Atty who says “I doubt that that information wasn’t available to you before this week. That is not how things are run.” (I forwarded him all of my emails that proved I wasn’t lying, the asshole).
Who the hell are these people in the family courts?
I have subsequently put every possible robotics event/meeting on the calendar, even though Bat will only go maybe a third of them. Although last time I did something like this, I was told I was being ridiculous and obsessive. I mean, I cannot win. First I am told to wait until I’m pretty sure Bat really wants to do something.Then when I do that, I am accused of waiting too long. So then I send info as soon as I get if Bat might want to then I am told that I am being obsessive and its too much information. Fuck them all.
Again, Texas is hell on earth for women. Georgia is assbackward and fucked up, but the Good ‘Ol Boys here like to LOOK like they protect women and children.
And yesterday I had a child rolling on the ground for 2 hours having a panic attack and ahole jr. attorney says- “You need to get him out the door or this will end up in front of the judge.”
WTF?
And then they tell me I have to tell Bat to go (which I had of course already done) but I had to do it loud enough so doc e could hear it over the phone. Which I did and each time it made Bat’s panic attack WORSE.
I am still so fucking pissed that he gets to do this to us. He just gets to sit out in his car and act like the poor father who can’t see his kid while we go through hell for 2 hours and I have to make it worse for Bat. And I will be the one scrutinized.
I wonder if cyberscreaming would help.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!Well I don’t know much (=anything) about family courts but it’s obvious that your Bat is a wonderful, brilliant, and special young man of whom any father should be proud…unfortunately he had the bad luck to have an antisocial creep for a father. This is a GOOD THING (duh) that he’s involved in the robotics club and has the energy and strength to keep up with all his interests in the middle of the chaos this very sick man has created…and the system has even turned this GOOD THING into another source of pain for you and your son.
It’s a testament to your steadfast parenting Teri that Bat is able to carry on at all.
Many of these sickos become medical doctors because of the status shield it gives them…”doctor” and “liar/criminal” still just can’t go together in so many ppl’s eyes. Sort of like “priest” and “criminal” used to be…thankfully that’s changed. Awareness will eventually increase that APD types abound in the medical profession – my students are initially shocked to learn, for example, of the extremely high drug diversion rates in hospitals and how many MDs are addicted to cocaine and narcotics and commit crimes to get the drugs and hide them. I just wish this awareness would speed up so that shrinks and the family courts start treating us the way we deserve.
When it comes to your stbxh Teri I’m at a loss. He’s sadistic and to watch a child suffer because of his fathers BS is very painful. Thank goodness he doesn’t have anymore visitation than he does. He’s such a small man with a smaller heart. Teri you’re a saint and I can only imagine how hard this is and how unfair.
Love, NapxoThanks, guys. I am no saint but I know I don’t deserve this.
I have more rant to get out. More bullshit comes to mind.
So rescheduled visitation but doc e insisted on still driving. I stayed out of it as my attorney told me to do.
So when I talked to jr ahole attorney, I said “How can this end up in court? This isn’t visitation?” He said “You agreed to let him drive Bat this morning.” No- I had no say because I was supposed to keep out of it. Bat was just trying to keep doc e from staying all day and doc e was the one who INSISTED on driving or he wouldn’t change visitation and would be there all day…
How is it Bat and I forced into situations that we say aren’t going to work or get no say at all, and then we are accountable for them working? Why isn’t doc e responsible for any of it??? And it’s not even fucking visitation!
Teri, the family court system is a joke. I know how you feel, I REALLY do. I lived this particular nightmare for 16 years. I can only tell you what a very good friend of mine said. Strap in and hold on its gonna be rough. You will survive this Teri, and so will Bat. It isn’t that long until he is of legal age and his asshole father can’t play these sick games with you two. You are strong Teri. You are in for 2.5 more years of fighting, but you will rise to the challenge. Be happy for your wins, and let go of the defeats. You are doing the absolute best you can, and that brilliant son of yours may not know now the extent of what you have sacrificed for him, but when he is a man he will.
Hugs
MoniqueI think that might be a great idea, especially if we can get an educational expert on board.
More venting…
So I get in trouble for Bat signing up to volunteer on a visitation day, but doc e can negotiate schedule changes with him for visitations on my days without anyone consulting me? So does Bat have free agency or not? He can’t have it only when it suits doc e, or can he?Teri, I thought your ace was exposing him in court. Shouldn’t he be trying to AVOID court if that is the case. The more I follow all of your story , the more I am convinced that he gets away with what he does because you are afraid of him. This will stop the day you say “You want court. Lets go to court asshole.” I think its long overdue for you to call his bluff. He does exactly what he wants and ensures you can do nothing. i would SO be taking my son and going home for Xmas and telling him to fuck right off.
Doc e seems to love the fact that he can play this game. He is obviously the biggest f-ing narcissist I have ever heard of. The less you react to him the better. I went as far as to even tell mine “you win” because that made him stop the game playing so in effect I really won ( don’t tell him). I know your situation is different but I really think he is trying to push you to freak out. I, too, would just take Bat for Christmas and screw doc e.
Arliegh, trust me there are so many Drs who hide behind their MD and are full of bad behavior. Mine was not only fantasizing about his patients, he was taking vicodin and percocet that he got from patients,especially elderly, who had their rx filled and the drug didn’t agree with them. They thought they were doing good by giving it to the DR instead of flushing them down the toilet. Yeah right, mine took them while he was working. I also had many episodes of dealing with pot smoking in the house when my kids were babies and older. And I know another DR in his practice that gets high all the time too. Totally freaks me out.
Karen, my attorneys want to stay out of court, too. So I think family court in Texas is just screwy? I don’t know- nothing makes sense to me about any of this. I do know I have heard so many horror stories about family court that I have no confidence in the system. My attorneys have said that considering the amount of threats he has made, he has actually taken me to court very few times compared with some of their clients. I wonder if that’s because he is afraid of it? I do know that the judge is not going to understand why Bat is having such a difficult time. We have no diagnosis, no expert, the judge has not allowed testimony from therapists in the past- just told us to go out in the hallway and work it out. I’ve been told that the judge won’t look at any of the evidence. Last time I got a lecture on how Bat is being an obstinate teenager from the judge.
tmp, you are right on. I don’t have any contact with doc e other than sending him a weekly email. Anytime I am unsure about something, I go through therapists or attorneys, taking myself out of it.
Also, it’s not just the MDs. The nurses and support staff can be just as bad, too. I’ve heard stories about how there is a group of swingers at one of the surgery centers that plan their orgies while they are all standing over the patient having surgery passed out on anesthesia. Disgusting.
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