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Dear Gabby, I think you’ll be hard pressed to find any stories of ‘success’ on this site. Otherwise, this would be the Sisterhood of Success, not the Sisterhood of Support. No, you were correct the first time.. There’s mostly just varying levels of torment here. I’m afraid the only ‘successes’ worth celebrating here are the women who leave these cheating bastards once and for all. Sorry. Love, Liza
I am so sorry March. I know you fought the good fight. I will be praying for you and Lola. Words fail me ….the sadness and waste is overwhelming. God, this sucks..
March – I was afraid of that from your recent posts. I’m so sorry. You gave it your all. You really did.
God March…I feel sick for you. I KNOW you are doing the right thing but I remember so well when SL went back to her house to say good bye to her home and her H was there. It was almost the undoing of me. A tiny, uncynical, romantic part of me wanted to say “Wait…maybe it is not too late!” But of course it was too late and of course he continued on and of course SL is happy and thriving and loving her new life. I fervently wish that for you, March. I just wish like Hell you didn’t have to walk across hot coals to get there brave one. Karen xx
Oh March, I’m so sorry. Sending love and prayers your way. Please take good care of yourself and your Lola. Remember we are just a click away. Come back when you can and lean on us hard.
Much love, Claire
March
Really sorry to hear what is happening with you. Sending positive thoughts to you for strength and healing.
EllenMarch, I have not been able to find your story as of yet. Still trying to figure out how to navigate within the site more skillfully. But I read your profile and I can tell from just the few posts here that you are in incredible pain and protecting your daughter as you fight your battle. I am so sorry. I know everyone here is sending you their support and strength to get through this. I hope you can feel the love of many through cyberspace, and lean on its power. Gabby
March, I truly ache for you. I know how painful today will be. I will be praying for you and your daughter. It will get better in time.
march both feet on the floor and keep breathing. Keep your head in the game and your heart out. Stay calm, take your daughter and dogs and go somewhere beautiful while he moves out. Who cares what he takes -it just stuff.
– the most remorse I have ever seen from my h was yesterday, 6 weeks after he moved out. I wish I would have kicked him out in the beginning, we would be in a different place now.
– once things settle you won’t believe how happy and calm your house feels. Crazy has left the building.hugs and strength
Gabby,
I think that March would like you avoid her current experience if at all possible. Each of us has tried every which way to find a a path that might work for us with these guys. You have to make your own choices, but you could cut your losses and get and out now, get your own life back, recover your joy, start fresh, repair your heart, find happiness, leave the big black cloud of doom behind, and get excited about your life again!!!
How long has it been since you woke up in the morning excited about the day, the direction of your life?Diane,
I know each woman here has tried so many times that they must feel as though they have a permanent dent in their head from hitting it against a wall. And I also know that we each have to decide when we have really reached the point of calling it done for good. God knows I am hovering at that place right now.You saw the text he sent me yesterday. I sent him the following:
I got your text. You are a Sex Addict. How you can even suggest that you are not is offensive. And you have 2 choices. You can continue to live giving way to your compulsions with no hope of ever having a lasting and loving relationship with anyone. Or, you can put yourself into a real recovery program and manage your compulsions every single day for the rest of your life. These are the the only 2 options you have.
I have 6 years worth of written documentation of your lies and addiction. I have 6 years worth of apologies and promises and cries for forgiveness. You made some progress with Matthew (his last CSAT) – but clearly not nearly enough. This is not something you can treat for a few months and be cured.
I realize that being away, living in a motel, and working 7-days a week makes getting help more difficult. But it is not impossible. And if you have time for porn, you have time to take action. You squandered the time you did have when you were not living away, and working as much. That time is gone. Now you need to find the time, as limited as it may be, to deal with this.
I have not filed the initial paperwork yet – but it is printed, signed and ready for me to take to the courthouse. All I can say is that I will give you one day at a time to show me some progress. The courts open again on Monday.
____________________________He started researching programs and counselors in the area. I am not jumping for joy. I have no delusions. I am requiring some tangible action from him every day because that is what I need right now to be able to live with myself while married to him.
For right now – this is where I am at.
March I love you.
Gabby, if after 6 years you are not walking your road to freedom and healing, I fear for you.
We often talk about SA hitting rock bottom before they bounce into recovery but I’m curious as to your answer to this…
What is your bottom line?
… An STD?
… An incurable STD?
… Bankruptcy?
… Years of being alone in your marriage?
… Losing your sanity and self-esteem?
… More and more fighting? Transition to physical abuse?Honestly, each one of us on this site can tick accepting one or all or at least some of these. There were posts recently about our bottom line and how we accepted first one violation of our absolute no’s in our marriages until we have smashed all the things we thought we wouldn’t take.
In sickness and health… Oh yes they are sick, but my God they have given us biblical grounds for divorce.
God values you too. More than an institution of marriage that isn’t respecting Gods perfect plan for us.
Just a few thoughts …Thinking of you, March. I am so sorry. Lean on us whenever you feel like it. We’re all here for you and love you. xoxo
Gabby,
I am so sorry, I got completely sidetracked and didn’t even address your story or questions. I think there has been a lot of wise input from the sisters already given, and I can’t improve on it.
I can only say, 6 years, and he still says he needs more time? Well, in all honesty, the “treatment” as it now stands is nothing more than a razor’s edge maintenance plan. No “cure” in sight. So honestly, if you’re staying with him, he has all the time in the world. An addict is always getting more time. From everyone around them.
The question is, do you? Who is replenishing YOU while you give all this to him? How long can you keep that up, realistically? It stuns me that we, the partners, are expected to be this neverending well of unconditional love and support, waiting for the other shoe to drop with every breath (or the third, or the fiftieth shoe to drop).
If this was a love relationship, that might even be possible. But it’s not. What they offer us is not love. What they accept from us is not love. I honestly think absent a large, large cue card, they could not even tell you what love looks like.
Gabby, he will take more and not be satisified. He is insatiable. It’s the nature of their compulsion. SA or NARC or any of it. Even just plain ASSHOLE. They take.
with absolutely no hesitation or regret.
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