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Hi sisters,
Just wanted to give an update. I made it through yesterday. My attorney grilled my h for 7 hours! Not even a lunch break. Some of the time spent was flipping through financial documents. It was dry, and at the same time very tense. In the last hour, my attorney asked my h some questions about my going back to work. The reason is that a major contention is the case in the amount of support he has to give me, which is based upon the disparity of income in NY. My h is trying to say that I can easily go back to my old career (that I’ve been out of since 2004) and make 50-60K. However, that doesn’t consider the time and money needed to get me up to speed in continuing education credits or an advanced degree. So anyway, he’s asking my h when he wanted me to go back to work. He got him to state a year of 2008. Then he said, isn’t that the time you were having multiple affairs? OMG. He got totally caught off guard. And you can tell he hadn’t told any of his crap to his attorney. (!!!). Here’s the sick thing: if given a chance to talk to me, he will say I betrayed him by telling my lawyer. You can quote me on that.
So after this discussion, the lawyers left to confer for a few. Then the court reporter left, leaving the 2 of us alone. I almost got up and left the conference room, but I decided to be tough and just sit. Well, he stared me down the whole time, not blinking an eye. It was meant to be intimidating, and I’d lie if I didn’t say it affected me a bit. I did make sure not to be alone with him last night. I didn’t go home until my daughter was there, as I knew he’d be Mr. wonderful around her. So the hard part is that we have to go back Nov 4 for my deposition. Ugh; I wanted to be done. Mine shouldn’t take as long. And the good news is that my attorney linked my h’s shenanigans with my going back to work…it’s out there now. And you know what, it brings back so many memories. How, just as my daughter was going to be going to middle school, that I was thinking it was time to start thinking about what I wanted to do with my life…was getting excited about getting back into the working world and looking at options. And then D-day hit…
and so how dare he think there’s no connection? Anyway, I’ll be looking for more sisterly support on Nov 4th. Felt lots of love and strength yesterday!!! xoxoBravo ZG!
Who care if he thinks you betrayed him! The whole divorce about him betraying you, dumbass! Is he the victim now? Honestly, their brains are perverted!7 hours without a break? Awesome! When I was practicing law one of the partners and I were deposing this guy who was a complete and utter asshole. The guy was getting pissed at the questions so decided to fake feeling like he was having a heart attack. My partner had a secretary call a squad and then kept asking the guy questions even as they were loading him on a stretcher and wheeling him down the hallway. 🙂
I know it would have been nice to get yours over with Julie, but it’s good that you get a couple extra days to prepare. You will do great. He tried to intimidate you and you didn’t let him. Just remember, you are on the side of truth and light.
OMG. BINGO!!!!!!! I am LOVING THIS and I LOVE your attorney too. Imagine him trying to stare you down. As if it were YOU f–king the hooker on the video on the family computer?? What a jackass he is. LMFAO. x
Thanks, ladies! Maybe my attorney can become the official attorney to SOS, lol. It does give one pause to think about what that 7 hour day has cost in attorney fees, but there seems to be no easy way or negotiation with this creature. I can’t even call Rich “just” a SA anymore. It’s the narcissist in him that makes him who he is. (And fyi, if any of you are on facebook, there’s a wonderful page from the partner of a narcissist called The Liar Chair: informative and simply validating.) When I think about the hardest part of this divorce, it’s the gaslighting: when he tells me (and family, friends, and chlidren that I’M delaying things and making it difficult.) Thank God I have this attorney on my side. Maybe that’s the price for peace of mind, and you get what you pay for.
ZG, glad you got through The Deposition: Part 1. Cross that one off your list. One step closer to freedom.
I find the accusations/gaslighting really hard to take, too. doc e is bad-mouthing me to everyone he can and making accusations left and right. I’m thinking what an idiot with all the photos I’ve got. But they play by different rules, don’ they?
Such a good way of putting it. One thing that has always struck me about my h is that he has always thought rules don’t apply to him.
Yes, the narcissism in them means they really believe they are “special” and for reasons of their superior being, they are not accountable at the same levels as “the little people”.
My H was the poster child for “rules do not apply”. It is maddening. I always figured it would catch up to him ( that attitude) but I had NO idea…..
I hate the “rules don’t apply” thing too. It was always so much more unbearable and justified for him when he was around his group of loser friends. Even stupid shit like seatbelts and speeding and constantly texting while driving. He used to think it was funny to push my boundaries about it too.
Kat, so weird you should say that about seatbelts….same here, even with my kids when they were young. Huge fights ensued.
About seat belts, texting…..safety in general……..we say so,etching and fights ensue………
What about NO means NO? Isn’t disregarding women’s NO a rape like mentality?
Same here with speeding, using cell phone while driving. doc e has so many accidents and tickets our umbrella policy was not renewed and he has been in the high risk pool for years- and he pays for many of his accidents out of pocket.
Any time I mentioned rules, laws, societal conventions, I was “critical and controlling”.
Lol, what a bunch of bastards. The thing that really blew my mind is when he’d smoke in the car with his kids in there. His son has frickin lung issues. When I found out I was pregnant I had to constantly remind him to stop smoking around me. And then we went on a camping trip with this group of friends and I felt like I was the odd one out because I expected not to be smoked around. He was such a bastard on that trip I was already having doubts about being pregnant with him, so when D day happened the day after we got back I didn’t really hesitate a whole lot to leave.
He also liked to litter and always go down the trail that said no trespassing. And use company resources for personal stuff.
Yep mine also thinks rules are for other people. He is VERY compliant these days but is his nature to do what he shouldn’t do. Seatbelts, texting whole driving, driving with only the paper half of his licence, having heart surgery without is company life insurance in place, not using condoms and generally being an ass kissing loser in his work and an anything goes in every other aspect. What a f–king jackass he is when I really think about it.It is eeire how similar they all are. Or maybe not? You cannot think like a normal person and do what they do.
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