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Hi again sisters,
Woah…when it rains it pours with the posts! 🙂 Tuesday we are being deposed. The good news is that SA had to produce tons of financial statements (and claimed to be missing some…uh ok). My lawyer is good at this and I have heard from many not to worry with him onmy side. Still, I’m worried about what to expect. Rich’s attorney is contending I’m capable of making more than I am now, based on my college degree that I’m not using in my current work. At this point, I’m just happy to get out of bed every day and get to a full time job that caters to my daughter’s schedule and has many “non monetary perks” like that at the moment. Anyway, I’m guessing questions to me may center on that. The bottom line is that I’m a nervous wreck. Both on what to expect and how I will handle it. My lawyer is going to prep me ahead…still, I’m going to have a hard time sleeping tomorrow night. I’m also afraid of what the household will be like tomorrow night and for days afterward, given the way my attorney is going to handle my SA (which is both good and bad in that sense.) Has anyone been through this? Any tips on what it’s like? If nothing else, could use lots of strength and love!!!Hi Julie. Here are some pointers I used to give my clients when facing a deposition. I’m sure your attorney will give you similar advice. 1- take your time answering. You aren’t being timed. If you are really nervous, and miss a question, ask to have the question repeated. 2- JUST answer the question. It’s tempting to try to *explain* things and that just gives them more ammunition. Keep your answers truthful, factual AND SHORT. 3- Be honest. Your testimony in a deposition can be used against you in court. You don’t want to be caught out in a lie in front of the judge. Keep in mind that you don’t have anything to hide while your STBXPOS has EVERYTHING to hide. That puts you in the power position. Being in the same household after deposition will be tough, especially since your STBXPOS is such an abusive MFPOS. Be careful Julie. He’s not going to be a happy camper. Make sure you are safe.
I’ll be sending you that strength and love,
DaisyDaisy, here’s a question. Since I get crap accusations all the time that sometimes have just a kernel or truth and sometimes are just out of left field. If they ask about something like that, do you say that didn’t happen or that you don’t remember that?
You can answer anything that’s factual Teri, so either of your answers is good if it’s true. Then let them ask follow up questions. The deponent has to answer truthfully but does not have an obligation to make things easy on the other side. For example, if someone sat for the CPA exam but hadn’t passed all the sections yet, they are not a CPA. So if they are asked “Are you a CPA” the short answer is no. There is no need to help the deposing attorney along by saying “No, I’m not a CPA but I’ve sat for the exam and studied extensively so I have some knowledge and expertise in the accounting field.” On the other hand, if you can insert information that is helpful to YOU, do so. For example, “Isn’t it true you have a degree in Microbiology (or whatever)?” Your answer could be “yes, but I have never worked in the field and my knowledge in that area is years out of date since I have been a housewife and stay at home mother for the duration of the marriage.”
How about…”Did you throw doc e’s clothes into the tub and turn on the water?” “Yes, because I found condoms in his nightstand.”
How about, ‘Did you take all your husband’s favorite clothing and wipe up the spilled varnish after you tripped over the can you’d sked him repeatedly to pick up from the middle of the bedroom floor, where he insisted on refinishing the bed YOUR great aunt left you–a bed you loved exactly as it was, a beautiful 1940s wagon wheel bed?’
Why, yes. Yes I did.
Daisy (or anyone), are they attorneys likely to ask personal questions, like “are you seeing anyone?” That sort of thing? I will be honest, of course, but just wondering what to be prepared for, esp with SA’s potential reaction.
Thank you, and update by the way: now it’s Wednesday instead of tomorrow. One more day to stew, or at least prepare. 😉
Teri, at least water doesn’t ignite like a tub full of gasoline would have.
ZG, sending hugs your way.
Good over evil……you got this. 🙂
If they ask you whether you are seeing anyone, you could answer,
“Seeing people? Well, only people that are really there, like my lawyer and my therapist. Those are the people I see the most.What about a romantic interest? ARe you seeing anyone in a romantic relationship?
“Very infrequently. Not nearly as often as my therapist and lawyer”
Well, in spite of these infrequent encounters, are you having a sexual relationship with him?
“Do you mean am I paying him to have sex with me the way my husband paid prostitutes”
No, I mean is there a sexual relationship without the exchange of money?
“Well, if you mean like the way my husband had unprotected sex with strangers he found online and arranged to meet without payment—No, I’m not”
I mean are you having a normal romantic relationship that does not involve money and is ongoing and involves sexual intimacy?
“I have absolutely no idea what normal is, I’m sorry. I’ve only been married to Rich.”
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