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Dear finallystrong, I am so glad to see your post. I have been legally separated since January, and have gone through major rage, depression and angst over my sah’s affair. He spent two weeks at PCS, is in a group and individual therapy and BEGGING me to take him back. A few weeks ago I caught him in a lie, a really stupid lie, and since then, I just don’t seem to care about him at all anymore. Lately I think if he just disappeared and I never saw him again I would not care. I feel guilty because he is trying to get help and it seems like most women want to preserve their marriages, yet I am not really interested. Does anyone have any experience of having a husband recover but getting divorced anyway? Has anyone divorced a recovering SA and regretted it? I am thinking that even if my h recovers, what he has done is too awful for me to ever trust him. I am starting to daydream about meeting someone else.
Amylynne, I don’t think we have had any Hs who have recovered. There are some who are “in recovery” and a ton who are at least faking it. 🙂 But recovered or “cured”? None that I’m aware of. I’m still married but I also don’t know of any Sisters who have divorced and regretted it. Quite the opposite in fact. There are some who have divorced and found new relationships, some who are happily single but I haven’t seen a single one who regretted getting divorced. Regretted that the marriage ended? Yes. Regretted that their partner wasn’t who they thought they were? Yes. Regretted the tearing apart of the family unit? Yes. Regretted leaving the SA swamp behind and walking on solid ground again? Leaving behind the lack of trust, the hurt, the betrayals and the constant threat that it could all happen again? Not so much. 🙂
Thank you Teri and Daisy. I realized that me feeling guilty over wanting to leave an abusive cheater is insane. Of course I do not want to spend my life with someone who lies and then blames me for his lies. Teri – how could I fine Chump Lady’s past posts? You mentioned that I may find them helpful but I do not know who to find them. Thanks!
Actually, I was wrong- it’s “leave a cheater”.
Anyway, here you go!
http://chumplady.comAmylynne,
I have been divorced now 19 mos after a 25 yr marriage. D day was 3 yrs ago. I am happily single and find new life very meaningful and have a new found respect for ‘living’. My xh is pretty loony btw. My only regret is I never kicked his ass……
Love, NapSisters, I know with everything in me, I would have gone right back in the swamp without your help and clarity to continue to walk this truth journey!! I woke up so thankful for each of your tough and loving words here! Don’t stop…. for me and for the other precious souls who have this weight dumped on their lives! We are valuable and worth so much in our God’s eyes and thank you for reminding me so beautifully of this!
I don’t hate my H.. He is too pathetic to hate!!! He is like my 7 th child!!! He is really a sad case and not worth the energy to hate!! I actually feel sorry for him sometimes.. What a sad way to live !! And quite frankly I don’t care what he does as long as the porn is not in my house!!! And if it ever is.. I’ll go Bobbit on him!!!
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