- This topic has 53 replies, 20 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 12 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Teri,
I so support your post. The nothing short of criminal, is how I feel so often also. I don’t understand how he is not in jail, my ex that is. not even including his porn and substance abuse. the fraud, the robbing of my money and time and fertility –irreplaceable. yours as well. seems pretty criminal to me.
Teri I truly believe, when your war is more settled, you will do more than survive. you will thrive. and he will continue in his whatever it is, he does. Teri — you are going to fly.
also ann black, I totally hear you on the objectification/no emotion. I just really refuse to pay anyone, inc a therapist, to breakthrough whatever it is that makes them fucked up. to me, they are just fucked up and damaged and that is that.
sounds horribly jaded probably. don’t mean to. but before d-day, i sat in marriage therapy for 18 months. his hooker habit was never mentioned.
oops, guess he forgot that part. how do you go t marriage therapy w your wife, knowing you sleep wiith whores? and then complain about the wife. and there I sat, trying ” to “own my part” and address his needs.
it is unbelievable. truly, unbelievable. there’s got to be a better man out there for me , some today. there’s got to be better marriages than this.
dont’ get me started. i just cant’ stand it,
Teri I also support your post. Allison, I found my sah remembers everything. And they go to those memories in their heads all the time. I read one of his journalling exercises in which he describes his first time in a strip club some 10 years ago. Although he can barely tell me about his daughters birth 7 years ago, he described with such vividness how he felt in the club in his journal that he could have won a pulitzer. Hes not a writer, but it was so descriptive I saw and felt his experience in my head. He’s also told me how images from a Craigslist ad from years and years ago stay in his head and he can bring them up at any time. I think disclosure take awhile because the therapist id establishing trust with the SA. The SA probably doesn’t tell everything outright and as they feel safe then they get to a point where real honesty can happen. And since someone pointed out its for them really, I think this honesty is probably important to move forward in treatment. That’s my theory anyway because it makes no sense to me either.
Great post Eliza. I think that is so true. They can barely describe what happened at any given occasion yet they can wax poetic about a hooker or strip club…etc.
Mine actually asked “what dinner” when my sister-in-law sent me a thank you note for hosting the family Christmas dinner. I cooked, cleaned, had gifts, entertained for his whole family (16 people) and he asked “what dinner?”. He truly didn’t remember or care…..
Terri, so succinctly put about how they victimized you. SA has discussed disclosure w/ new therapist. Doesn’t get I already know most of what will come out, so can we just get on with it already?
I just read Pat Carnes chapter in Mending A Shattered Heart about not leaving marriage for a year. Hmm, is there something fishy about this. Let the SA get thousands of dollars of treatment, further jeopardize you financially with all the “treatment”, THEN have a disclosure that reveals that you really do have to leave. But now you’re further depleted and traumatized. They can’t have it both ways. I gotta go but am processing all this crap I’m reading and trying to deconstruct this shit so I can feel sane again.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.