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Oh God, yeah, Daisy. Those are the things that rip your heart out and cement even more just how much we don’t know about our ‘life partners.’ But laughing at the mini-van..I hope there were petrified McDonald’s french fries under her skanky ass. xoxo
Well, I know for a fact she ended up covered in dog hair. You couldn’t ride in that car without getting that way because that’s what we always used for doggie transpo.
Daisy, why didn’t your H leave you for the affair partner if it was all so great…if she was all so great? I am so angry for you Daisy….just hearing that, never mind finding it. You are a bigger woman than me, girl. I would NEVER be able to get past something like that. I wouldn’t even try. He’d be in that f–king cabin for the rest of his cheating, lying life. Just fuming here!!!!! UGH, I JUST HATE THESE F–KING GUYS!! They are all so lame and pathetic and stupid and ridiculous and unkind and deceitful and selfish and disgusting and lack a single shred of honour or even the most elementary grasp of what it means to have an ounce of personal integrity. God, Daisy, I hate them!
Ok rant over. Karen xx
Karen, I just love you! You go right ahead and access all that anger and hate I can’t seem to access for myself. I think he did contemplate leaving me for her even though he denies that now. But the thing that ultimately stopped him was knowing he would lose everything else that was important to him. My kids would have had nothing to do with him, he would have lost the house, the cabin, the dogs, the OSU football season tickets and the respect of everyone he knows. The one thing he would have walked away with (and I reminded him of this when I thought he was thinking about leaving) was HIS EVIL MOTHER! And let’s face it, the best part was the romanticized picture of her that would never have survived daily living with her. She was ending her third marriage, had her own teenager to deal with, had debts up the wazoo, and was/is literally ignorant trailer trash. I may not be as pretty as she is (or he thought she was) but he can take me to a business inner and I’m going to be able to hold my own. He was always proud of my being a lawyer and often asked me to give advice to his co-workers. Those wonderful conversations they were having would have petered out in about a week of real life.
I love you too daisy which is why I cannot bear to think of you finding something like that and how wounded and sick you must have felt reading it. I’m afraid your husband is just as pathetic as the rest of them and it is so wrong that he was wasting precious words that should have gone to you, on trash like her. You are way to good for him, Daisy. I don’t give a shit if she was the goddess venus come to life. It just makes me think that much less of him that he is so shallow that her background and situation didn’t count for anything…. just her f–king tits and ass apparently! That is EXACTLY what these fuckers want Daisy. They want a smart, reliable hell of a woman waiting at home and then they want some bit of fluff on the side that they can moon around over and play dirty games with. And you know what, Daisy? When we opt to stay with these sacks of shit…we give them exactly what they want. Yes…I know, I know. I am doing the exact same thing and it pisses me off no end. 😉
And also…some of these guys are twisted in ways I will never understand? BUT some of them are just straight up f–king cheaters and that I understand perfectly well. Nothing complicated about that at all….
I totally agree with everything you said Karen. Especially the dirty games part! I always swore I would never stay with a cheater and here I sit… And I can’t even claim it’s financial because my family has plenty of money. I know I would be taken care of. In part (and I am ashamed to admit this), it’s simply pride. No one in my immediate family has ever been divorced. It’s hard to admit that I was so bad at picking a mate. It’s hard to admit to myself, much less the rest of the world.
Oh Daisy, and Annie,
I’m like Karen here, I just want to scream for you. And every time I think of that twit Maureen Canning from the Meadows on her YOu tube video talking about how we pick someone who is a sex addict, how we shouldn’t blame ourselves—except of course where its our own damn fault because we chose it—-I just about go insane here at my desk.That is awful, Diane. No one picks this shit. Blame the victim- I hate it.
Daisy, just because your marriage/husband is failing does not mean you are a failure. And which is harder to admit- that you were bad at picking a mate or that you stayed with him even after you realized it? I am so sorry for what you went through reading those letters. That personal stuff is like a stake through the heart.
I wish I knew the answer to that Teri, I really wish I did. Or maybe I do know and I’m just not ready to own it yet? Either way, in just over an hour, I’ll be talking to my new family doctor about getting an anti-depressant going. Maybe that’ll help.
I wish you luck, too, Daisy. I think you are awesome.
No matter what, he did this to you. He put you in the position where you have to decide between the 2 lousy options of staying with a cheater or divorcing. You keep holding your head high, Daisy. You didn’t do anything wrong. You sure didn’t choose an SA. You chose someone you thought would be your best friend for life.
Daisy your husband might have said these things to the whores but I’m sure you have read enough to know that the chemicals present during the ‘limerence’ stage of a new relationship make them insane. They have their ‘beer googles’ on and that is very hard to compete with that. What sane man takes his girlfriend out in the people mover complete with dog hair? At the time they thinks it is true love but the cracks form pretty quickly.
I am sure your husband has come to realise what he has done and that these ‘relationships’ were not real and certainly do not offer a patch on the relationship and life he had with you and your children.
I can totally relate to your sense of failure in choosing your life partner. I feel that same humiliation and that is why I haven’t told my family. I also don’t want them to worry about me and I’m sure that is true for you. But from the outside looking in I see that you married a man who made some seriously bad decisions that I’m sure he is regretting.
Whether you reconcile or not doesn’t change the fact that you are an accomplished and intelligent woman, a great wife and mother. You have been rocked to your core but these things can never be taken from you.
Thanks for the story about the dog hair. I will chuckle all day on that one!
Dealing with fact that I never even heard of “full disclosure”. The professionals involved didn’t suggest that.
I can imagine the SAXXXXX really felt like he got away with a lot while promising that he told me all.
It has to end. It just has to.
I’m going to second most of Catherine’s opinions. I don’t think Daisy’s idiot husband was any more in love with some hooker than the man in the moon. I don’t buy all the science of addiction stuff but I do buy the “beer goggles” stuff. I have been married 20 years and over those years I have felt the lure of “excitement, romance etc..” . Now, big difference, I never once cheated in any shape form or fashion.
I don’t care what happens to Daisy’s husband. I know she will make the right choice for her. I think he knows he fucked up big time. I don’t know if he can overcome it or not.
I have felt that lure too Bev. I just didn’t step over the line. I thought about the promises I made when I married and what it would do to my family if I played up. But there is no doubt it feels great when someone different is whispering sweet nothings in your ear. They could have 2 heads but it doesn’t matter if they are saying things you want/need to hear.
I don’t care about Daisy’s husband either. I’m just saying he f’d up and I’m sure he is regretting it.I’d wager he’s regretting getting caught. And that if he’d NOT gotten caught he’d still be trolling for whores in the minivan.
Trolling for whores in the minivan. That may be my own personal pillow quote of the year (course it’s only February…)!! Love it! And yes, he definitely regrets it. On the downside, he regretted it the first time he got caught too but still managed to do it again. The first affair, he might have convinced himself he was in LUUUUV but the second one, not so much. She was (it was clear from the note I read) doing the disgusting anal stuff that I would not even consider doing in a thousand lifetimes and by that time, all those thousands of hours of porn viewing had convinced him that that was the path to happiness and feeling like a real man again. Just a bunch of pathetic and stereotypical midlife crisis nonsense.
I really don’t know what I feel for my H at this point. When I see him, I enjoy his company in a friendly way. I don’t particularly miss him much even when I don’t see him for a week or two. We still talk on the phone every day but not about anything important. I feel like I’m in a weird holding pattern.
On a brighter note, met my new doctor and got a prescription for Celexa. I really liked the new (female) doctor and am looking forward to starting the Celexa.
Catherine, thank you for the compliments. And if the dog hair made you chuckle, this will help too. The minivan was missing both wheel covers on the passenger side. We call it the Hoopty.
Trolling for whores in the Swagger Wagon!
Daisy – we’ve said this before but there is so much similarity to our stories, although I don’t think your H has been with prostitutes like mine has. Oddly, it’s the last 2 “relationships” with stripper/whores that bother me more than him having a transaction with a prostitute. (But then I have to remind myself, this is how far we’ve come. The shock value of having a husband pay for sex has worn off so the only thing that really hits home is that he developed some “emotional” attachment with some skank.) So, if I separate out all the disgusting SA shit and think, “I am married to a serial cheater”…that gets me more riled up and I think, “once a cheater, always a cheater”. And no amount of 12-step group or therapy is going to change that, is it?
Good for you Daisy on getting the script. You are not in a weird holding pattern, you had your life blown out from under you and you are trying to get your bearings. Nothing wrong with that…..
When I was with the Doc she asked me how long I thought I had been depressed, even if just moderately. I said probably over a decade (what with my Dad’s dementia, etc.). She then asked what made me decide to do something about it now and I told her it was my awesome support group. “Children of dementia sufferers?” “Nope, partners of sex addicts, and now the best friends I’ve got.” And she really got it – talked about how important it was to have people who understood exactly what you’re going through. What a relief!
FC, the prostitutes may just be another similarity. When I read the note to Affair #2, someone named Ebony was mentioned and that sounded like a stripper name to me. When I confronted my H I made the mistake of saying “She’s a stripper, isn’t she” rather than asking if she was a hooker. At that point, before my SOS education, hookers weren’t even on my radar. I had no idea these guys would sink that low. And yes, regardless of whether it’s with a stripper or a hooker, the emotional attachment is much worse.
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