Disclosure on Friday

Arggggghhhh.
It is rotten that they still don’t understand the toll this takes on the women partners, and how much is at stake in these events for us.
Personally I just hate the whole thing. I hate that its another way we get jerked around. My whole decision to divorce happened because of being jerked around about the disclosure. IMO, its just another opportunity for abuse and rarely is it more than that. It’s like we can’t even have an “arranged” traumatizing experience after which we can just start to fully grasp the hideous details of our betrayal. No, that would be too much to ask. I just hate that he and the dumb therapist get to screw with you a little longer.

Trish, I invite you to look at your reasons for doing this, and if you still believe it’s in your best interests. If it is, then please know I’m underneath you 100%. If not, well that’s another thread, isn’t it?

Okay that was a bit of a rant. I’m just so done with this shit, this stupid disclosure process that treats us like we are going to get a blood test for anemia and really don’t have anything else going on at all.

I’m sorry about your dying patients, too. I understand that. It’s just really hard. They are so lucky to have you.

Sending some strength for whatever comes next.
D.xo

I never had a formal disclosure. I know enough. I just feel so awful for a wife sitting in a room full of therapists and listening to her H catalogue his sexual sins. I cannot imagine the stress that would cause.

It’s not normal. In no way is that normal. It’s just not.

I mean NO offense to sisters that need/want a disclosure. I just was lucky enough to find out all the shit myself ( sarcasm).

I never heard of a voice stress test. I wouldn’t need one really. My ears are really sensitive and pick up on the subtle stuff. I can always tell when someone’s sh*tting me whether it’s on the phone or in person. The voice gets higher in pitch, tighter sounding, kind of strained and over descriptive in the details like they are trying to convince you and themselves really.

I completely respect the need to have a disclosure and polygraph. I just don’t understand men’s willingness to do it. It inflicts so much pain on their wife. Do they get off on hurting someone who has loved them?

I may intellectually want to know everything, but what I learned on my own was hard enough. I cannot imagine taking on more. And all I knew about was porn.

Trish, go to the beach. For you. Look at this as a blessing. Maybe the polygraph would have destroyed any good you might experience in your little beach cottage.

Their darkness and shit is theirs. Bathe yourself in the light of the sun dancing off the waves. Soothe your spirit by listening to the clear rhythm of the wave rolling onto the beach. Be free of his SA garbage.

Oh Boy Trish, I don’t know what you should do about the beach but I know what I would do about the disclosure. I would say No poly,no disclosure. I wouldn’t trust a scenario where he has the poly a week later…I would be too afraid it would aid him in lying to me. I KNOW you are dying to get the truth, Trish, but I wouldn’t do a single thing on their terms. Their terms gets you screwed over. Make them reschedule BOTH events, together, as is the usual procedure. I can only imagine how upset and frustrated you must feel. You have come this far Trish. Don’t cave now. This is the part that HAS to be correct because this is the part you base a HUGE decision on.

I’m frustrated for you, Hugs, karen

i agree too, on YOUR terms, trish. i’m sorry. i hate him too.

For your sake Trish I agree too otherwise it’s just another twisted manipulation and we don’t tolerate that anymore. I think it should be done by YOUR terms. You’re the injured spouse, not him, IMO. Whatever you decide I support you Trish: )

Damn straight, Trish. Do what you need for you.

I totally support a spouse’s right to the truth. Not sure the way disclosure is done is the best way for that, though. I don’t even trust them to tell the truth, even with a poly. I think the whole thing is more set up like it’s supposed to be therapeutic for them. I mean, they get a whole year-ish to carefully prepare a statement that they get to read to you while you wait on pins and needles for a year-ish to have it all dumped in your lap?

I think for me, whatever details I got (which I got the Bev way) helped me deal with the past- figure out how to put it all together so that I had a story, I knew who I was. As far as the future, I knew he was a deviant and a liar and couldn’t be trusted. That was all I needed to know.

This jerking you around has got me ticked, Trish. I just can’t believe the insensitivity.

Good for you, Trish.
Sometimes I write things down that are important to say so that I don’t forget in the moment (PTSD) or get intimidated or squashed down. You can then explain you are reading from a prepared text because you are still dealing with the effects of the botch up.
Glad to hear Dr. M. will also be on deck in the morning.
Okay sister. All systems go.

Hope he’s a good polygrapher.

Good luck, Trish. We will all be thinking about you.

Trish, I hope that the answers you receive will give you what you need. I’m glad that you have a place to go afterward to recover and heal. I will be thinking of you and saying a prayer.

I declare it a red panty day tomorrow for Trish!