Disclosure on Friday

It’s over. The disclosure and my marriage. I do not have the capacity to forgive what I heard today. It started at 1pm and I got home at about 10:15pm. We took some breaks so I could puke while my therapist rubbed my back on the bathroom floor. He failed the polygraph. I just kept pushing him afterward and he began dribbling out more things. We finally left the office around 9pm and I followed him to his hotel where we talked for another 45 minutes or so. I was very calm (thank you Xanax). I gently pushed some more and I think I may have gotten it all. He said he would take another polygraph next week. He has been cheating on me since we were dating. He had an affair with a woman at work (here in NC) and also met and took to lunch women he met on line – here in NC. He has been having an emotional affair – he says no intercourse just heavy making out – for our entire marriage with a woman he was dating casually when he met me. She then married and divorced and remarried but he called her when I got an attorney this past winter. He admitted to keeping in touch with her all these years. He even planned a trip to CT to see her 2 months after our daughter was born. I have been duped for 32 1/2 years and I am finished. Plus all of the porn and the ongoing masturbation. I hate him. I have no sympathy for him. I will wait to see what happens with his job because of the acquisition and stock pay out, but I will be putting my plan B into place. I told him I did not want to hear from him until he passes a polygraph and then only by message. He is not to call, text or email me. I told him I may take longer then a week away and that I may quit both of my jobs to focus on this devastation and how to heal. He said he understood. I asked him what vindictive thing he planned to do to me while I was away and he said “absolutely nothing”. That he would not touch money or cut me off in any way. I told him that I would not divulge what I learned today to our kids, but that if he took one nickel away from me, I would tell them that he was screwing me financially again and then they will want to know why and I will tell them to go ask him. He knows I mean business. I just took a sleeping pill and I pray it works. Thanks for all of your love and support today. I SO needed it.