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I checked his Facebook page this morning and he subscribed to two more Facebook pages that are beyond suggestive, one is definitely porn. She looks like she is 16 years old posing almost nude on the top of her bed. I am just so disgusted. How stupid is he linking this behavior to a Facebook page with a photo of himself in a chef’s jacket and photos of his food? This is clearly his personal page and he is letting it all hang out for the world to see. I forwarded the info to my attorney immediately as it backs up my claim that he is an acting out SA. I do not know how it will help me in a No Fault state other than emotional and mental anguish and a squandering of marital assets if he is paying for something.
Discovery after Separation and Pending Divorce: Shock. But mostly disgust and absolute horror that he is very, very sick.
oh bren, i’m sorry. jesus these guys are stupid. and yes, you are right, very very sick. sad isn’t it?
Bren,
What a sicko he is. Sounds like you are getting out just in time. You sure wouldn’t want to be associated with that now.
My STBX is following a bunch of college kids, underage girls, and drug sites on his business twitter account. These guys are idiots. There is no explaining their stupidity.
Oh Bren, I am so sorry, it is mind bugling to understand how did we ever chose this men for partners
he is so clearly does not deserve a one minute of your thinking or any of your beautiful energy that you can spend on creating beauty around you,,,,
Thanks, Teri. What does STBX stand for? Is it Sex Addict To Be Ex? Oh my. You’ve gone through something so similar. I feel sorry for you too. None of us deserve this.
Thanks for your support, Bev. You are 100% right. It is hopeless. Truly. I am glad I saw it. It helps me move forward … I mean run.
Harmony, you are so right. I am asking myself that … how could I choose him? Why did I stay so long? How could I believe that he changed over and over? I truly hope to take Dr. Minwalla’s class someday.
Thank you for your kind words. Commenting that I have beautiful energy is so kind. I am being super productive today working on my business. I won two new projects this week. So, this is something positive to focus on.
Bren – I am so sorry you are going through this and I feel your pain.
You chose your h because he was an expert at wearing two faces. You stuck with him, because you held out the hope for change, as I did. Don’t beat yourself up. I tend to think many times they choose us because we are the moral fiber they don’t have. Their mother’s, the good wife, wonderful mother to their kids, and someone they know will always be there for them. They bank on that! You were his stability.
YOU are a wonderful woman. Try to think of it as somewhat positive. You are the one who is able to love, show intimacy and give yourself to your h 100%. Sure, to a fault, but just remember that your h will never have the value system you have, he will never be able to love and have a happy fulfilling life. Thank God you are the woman you are!
My h’s Therapist told me I could never have seen it coming. Even though there were red flags, I chose to ignore them.My h had a persona of the most wonderful guy in the world, professed to have high moral standards, and everyone thought I couldn’t have found a better guy. These SA’s are just good at what they do-they spend a life-time perfecting their “dark side”. Don’t feel bad for giving him the chances you did- You loved the man. What a wonderful thing to be able to love.
I know how much you are hurting, but think how much worse it could be. You could of made the decision to stay with the the asshole and lived many more years in torment. Thank God and your lucky stars that you did find out. Now you have the opportunity to move on and a chance to find happiness. You never had love or a marriage – you just didn’t know it. Hang in there – it will get better. It just takes time to recover from trauma, and just realize that you will hurt for awhile. There is light at the end of the tunnel – I promise you! I found it, and you can to.
My h was the love of my life, or so I thought. I married him at 68 y/o and thought I had found my soul mate at last. What I found was a lost soul and no mate. I still hurt once in awhile, so take time to grieve. I know there is a wonderful new world out there just waiting for you.
SharronSharron,
Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement and support. My H always told me that I brought out the best in him. I know our values are inconsistent and he resented that I found fault in his behavior. I desperately tried to hold us together and after 9 + years, it starts to take its toll. And of course, he would turn it around and say that he would never make me happy, no one could. I see the serious dysfunction and lack of true intimacy in our marriage. I am proud of who I was in the marriage. I never cheated, flirted, sexted, lied, or dishonored my marriage. I wore my wedding ring with pride and commitment. He lost his ring 6 months into our marriage. And even though he knew how important it was to me that he wear one, he either never kept his promises to buy a new one or simply flat out refused to ever wear one again. I loved him as best as could right up to the end. I know that it is over now. And still, as my love fades, I feel great sadness for him. Sadness for the man who is led by his impulses and urges. Sadness for the shame he must feel after he acts out and deals with more losses. My anger towards him is turning towards empathy. A therapist told me, get to a point where you no longer hate him you just want to be away from him. I am getting there one day at a time.
As I move further and further away from him, I hope that someday soon these thoughts will not preoccupy my mind. For he had his chance at someone who truly cared and understood the commitment and vows of marriage. It’s my time now. My turn to focus on my life and happiness.
Thanks again for taking the time to support me. I will return to your posting and reread it. It offers me hope.
NAP, thanks for the encouragement. I truly appreciate your support. Someday, I need and want to hear your story. Bren
Bren, you can access everyone’s story on this site. I’m not good at the how to but someone can tell you. …
I read them all ( all I could find) at first. I hated all the pain but I didn’t feel like such a raving lunatic and crazy 🙂
I don’t think I’ve officially wrote my story just kinda interjected here and there. For you Bren, I’ll write a reader digest version but will need about a week to think back since it was erased from memory by aliens. Just kidding I will work on it really though:)
Bren,
Fantastic that you are having such success at work to help turn your focus to your promising new future. What you found, may not help in any way except to affirm you have made the right choice. Get away, and move on and don’t look back!
Congratulations on your new contracts!
Lynn
Thanks, Bev. I will try and figure this out because I would love more background on the wonderful sisters who are helping me get through this.
Lynn, thanks for the pep talk. I am trying to ride the wave of these new projects to keep moving me forward.
Bren – be thankful for small blessings – the fact that he linked himself to those sites on FB…what a stupid ass! Yet, it’s more evidence that you made the right decision. I agree with what Sharon said – I think these jerks really value someone who is good & decent & trustworthy b/c they know they are not those things themselves. My H even said as much – when I asked if he thought I would leave him when I found out all this stuff, he said “no, you’re too good of a person.” It’s like he knew exactly what to say to hit me at my core and keep me here b/c I really value being a “good” person.
FC, I totally agree. I am trying to be grateful in the small things, such as seeing and recognizing something beautiful or being appreciative when someone shows me kindness. I was just so happy today to have my camera and able to shoot a few shots while I walked in New York. I know … my H always said that I kept him in line, did not know what he would do without me, and couldn’t live without me. I appreciate your support. I hope that you are OK. I had many discoveries before he finally dumped me. I know how you must feel. Please take care of yourself. If you are still with him you will have to work double hard to maintain your feelings of self-respect and worth. You sound like you definitely see right through him now, though. Hang in there.
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