Do they know that we know and do you talk about it?

Sounds like you are being smart, but the stress is awful.

Anything physical and strenuous you can do will reduce the stress hormones in your system. You mention screaming, and I felt like I could hardly contain mine so I drove through a countryside area nearby after I put the children in bed and screamed my lungs out in the car with the windows rolled up and the radio blaring. Weird, but it worked, some.

Vent here, we get it.

Your therapist sounds, good, too.

Any attempts to have a meaningful or otherwise adult talk with him about what you are feelings will be drama. Sounds like you’re just not up for that. You are making strategic moves now, and once you are secure in your plans, and his responses are not lifechanging for you, talk away. But only when what he says or does will not have critical impact on your security.

Lesson learned the hard way, don’t file joint taxes with him while you are in this position. He can have God knows what going on in the background. Also, since you are paying off YOUR debt, watch what he does on joint accounts that may dump debt at your feet anyway. Have a credit report run on him. Find out the real financial story, somehow.