Down Days

Thank you Sharon , I needed to hear that even though I am baby stepping. It`s the little things mostly…He always made my coffee. Silly but it makes me sad. Maybe I should switch to tea?

I am tired and he is begging and i am trying to be normal for the kids. I have to attend a Mother`s day program at school tomorrow. I`m just hoping that I can hold it together.

I`m sorry that you still have crappy days but I`m glad you shared.

love,
bev

Sharron,
I’m so sorry for your pain, and also so in awe of your strength. I have seen a change in you over the past few months, and it is beyond inspiring. Thank you for your courage and honesty.
Here’s my take: I’ve been in a bad place for the past few weeks, really grieving the loss of what I thought was my marriage. What you said about “tugging at your heart” is so true. It’s torture and it’s confusing. And yet, I really hit a wall a few weeks ago realizing that, no matter how forgiving a person I am, I can never trust him again. I certainly haven’t seen the level of transparency needed to warrant that trust. He wants me to go on “his word that he’s doing the right things.” It’s painful because we have a family. So I guess what I’m trying to say, is that it sucks and it’s painful either way. But you are giving me hope that, at least if I end this, there IS a beautiful future possible. I just need to really get myself to that place…get my courage, I guess.

Thank you, Sharron!
xoxo ZG

Sharron, you have come such a long way. Yes you are so entitled to every feeling you feel as it comes along. Just like we await, welcome, embrace the good days, it’s reverse for the sad days. There will be bigger gaps between the good days and sad days as the pain and anger diminishes. When the sad ones roll in embrace it then kick its ass to the curb as soon as you can. Those sad days are unpredictable. Some are like a large, slow moving storm that we know is headed our way, others are just quick little showers that pop up with no warning at all.

Here’s hoping that the sad days become fewer and far between and as each one does hit, it will be less and less intense each time.

Sharron- thanks for sharing; it helps to know a bit about the twists and turns in the road ahead. I hope your down day has passed, and today will seem even brighter as you emerge from the dark.

Bev, my stbx used to make my coffee, too. It was one of the few things I felt like I could count on him for, the only thing he did with any consistency. So it was like a stab in the heart every morning I woke up and realized I now have to make my own coffee. Now I brew up a big pot about once or twice week and stick it in the frig. It’s not quite as good as fresh, but that’s a small price to pay.

Making new routines and rituals helps a lot to avoid those moments when you find yourself missing them. It’s early still for you, Bev, but maybe coming up with a different morning ritual (like you said, drink tea) is a good baby step forward.