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Holidays are tough times for us all. We spent Sat. before Easter visiting our new grandson. It wa the kind of thing that pulls at your heart when you see this beautiful baby and realize what life is all about. But then I look at my SA (this is his son’s first child) and think about how not one person in the room knows about our living hell. Yep, we were all smiles and joking, but inside I was wishing things weren’t the way the were so I could enjoy the experience like normal people do. The one hour trip down and back was a perfect opportunity for us to talk but SA did not say a word, except to talk about the sites and the behavior of other drivers! He never initiates conversation about himself and I’m tired of doing it so I opted not to bring anything up and he never did either. Sad. Easter Sunday we spent the day working on the property till dark, ate dinner, watched a little TV and then to be in our seperate rooms.
My Easter was better than I thought it would be. I too get quite panicked when holidays or special days are ahead. I was never like this before. But the PTSD symptoms start up every time. So I’ve learned to plan something to keep myself safe. I went to a movie Sat. afternoon. (Matt Damon called) . Easter Sunday service was good. I was invited out for supper by some nice folks there, which was fun, and am now expecting some out of town friends for lunch. Plan Plan Plan. That’s what I have to do to make through. My one bad moment, I drank a vodka tonic, cried, but pulled out of it and called a friend and we decided we would go to Hawaii next year in Feb. After talking with her, I didn’t want another vodka tonic.
cbslife—don’t become the relationship manager. It’s bad enough to be the secret keeper. (I am also this right now). But I used to try and whip the relationship into shape. Poor use of resources. Spend the energy on your relationship with yourself. And I’m sorry about your Easter, but I know with every fibre of my being, that Easter will come again in your life.
D.xocb, congrats on your new grandson. i love the picture,too. my partner is the same way he will not ever initiate the conversation, except about the barn, the house,any and everything but what needs to be talked about. all my kids were here for the weekend, so wayne had to sleep in my room, how i hate knowing and them not. for now i know it has to be yet it does make everything else seem less then it should be. sunday we worked, i made them work im always the bitch, but my property looks so much better. i often think its like a pretty picture, but you never know what goes on behind closed doors.
Awww..precious little baby.
That’s the way life is for us after disclosure and the Holidays ramp up the pain, going through the party motions while our secret life is a constant movie running in our head. An hour of uncomfortable silence is a long ride CB. I totally relate.
Mine was the same, Easter brunch with the family, nice, and then to my daughters for visiting and an egg hunt for the little ones. They were so cute and it was fun.
My husband and I were separate with the kids though. We enjoy them but don’t look at each other in appreciation like we used to. The whole time I thought about how it would be to divorce and have the burden of separate celebrations for the kids and if would feel hollow for me. A lot of the joy isn’t here this year but there is next year.
Diane – thanks for sharing your coping stategy. Plan for it. I think that applies to us while we’re still married or in limbo because the illusion of the happry family is now just that – an illusion.
We’re clear of the big holidays until Thanksgiving…whew!
Love to all,
Debora
Great picture cbslife..Thank You for sharing that moment…!
Debora..Yay to being clear of the big ones…!
Easter was brunch here..my two kids and their so’s and 3 granddaughters…surprisingly enough my husband and I both rose to the occasion and got together a nice brunch ..he did the majority of the cooking and I focused on the decorating and egg hunt for the girls..
I had my moments of sadness but I enjoyed having everyone together…my husband told my kids about his “problem” back when we first separated in 91..my son was 16…my daughter 21..now fast forward and they do not know about the most recent d-day or that we no longer share a bed..I intend to keep it that way right now because they have their life to live and I don’t want to burden them with this crap anymore until there is some significant change..ie one of us moves out..my son probably has some suspicions ..we have a special bond and we “get ” each other..for right now it is unspoken..
Holidays are always painful..have been for many years…the next one will be better..
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