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Does anyone have any experience or know someone who has had experience with eHarmony and do you think it is any different than other sites like Match.com? Thanks!
My cousin met his wife on eharmony. He is one of the most fun people I know and he is very successful too. His wife is an attorney. They have traveled extensively, and have just had their first baby. They were not into the bar scene and were both in their early thirties and ready to meet the right person. It worked very well for them.
Nap, I thought you were checking on me 🙂
I did not pay attention to the E first before harmony 🙂I have zero experience with any online dating . I wouldn’t be afraid of it. I would just meet in public places and be cautious.
It’s not like you’re going to meet anybody worse 🙂
I have seen the “farmersonly” ads and if I were ready for all that, that is the FIRST place I’d go! LOL
Harmony,
I hope you are doing okay sister:) love, napI would date a farmer. I just wouldn’t go up into the hay mow on the first few dates. I was a farmers daughter so I know what goes on up there……..
Trish, sounds like it was great for your cousin.
Has anyone heard, tried or know someone who tried speed dating?
Yes. He is an SA and a guy next to him was a guy he had met at a meeting for SAs. Of course the women they were meeting knew none of this. Just sped along, I assume, getting first impressions–that probably didn’t take SA into account.
I will never date someone marketing themselves online. They create their own stories, edited and packaged to make himself look like a good guy. Now that I know my x has dated 13 women through one of these sites, and I am sure he did not fully disclose his stuff, I am even more leery.
Sorry, I know some of you may have been successful. I just don’t want to risk being fooled again.
Whether they’re on dating sites or not, they can “market” themselves. It’s a risk, no matter how you meet. And as I’ve said before–and others have echoed: we can’t do WORSE than our SA’s.
I have an eHarmony lunch date today. I’ve had a couple of disasters so far. One guy sent me a manifesto for the rest of our life together–after 4 dates, no sex.
I’m being careful with boundaries and how I let myself be treated.
I did match like 10 yrs ago and went on a few dates. The one I really was starting to like ended after the second date when all signs pointed to him still being married (a pending divorce does not equal actually being divorced). Hell to the no on pending shit.
The other one ended after 7 weeks when he suffocated me with his jealousy (Hello, I MAINLY work with men. Get over it!) and I ended up discreetly asking for help from his supervisor in getting him to stop calling me. It was non stop. He blew up over that because his supervisor and I had dated briefly 12 yrs before that. I didn’t know that ex was his supervisor when we first met but I stayed on friendly terms with the supervisor after we stopped dating so he got him to finally stop calling. I back door’d it like I did because had I made a police report for harassment he could’ve been fired. Stupid firemen!
My other gf met her husband online and are happy to this day. She quit being a fire fighter to move out of state when they married and she’s super happy, still 10 yrs later.
Just trust your gut and have fun. If you get a weird vibe, end it without questioning the vibe.
If it’s meant to be you’ll only have good vibes. 🙂
When I left my exSA I felt like it was important for me to try to have some healthy interactions with men. Fortunately I have known enough good guys that my husband didn’t turn me cynical against all men, but it did leave me feeling ugly, rejected and dead sexually. I figured it would be good to have some dates and rekindle the feeling of being a woman. I went onto eHarmony because it seemed like the best–people who are looking for a relationship and not just hookups. Like some of you, my husband met women online, but he always used free sites. I figured that if a guy was willing to pay and take the time to answer a bunch of questions they were less likely to be on the prowl.
I vetted the guys via email and a few phone calls before meeting, but I ended up going out with two guys–on three or four dates each. They were both very nice and it helped me to remember that I was interesting and funny, and wow, I could even be a little sexy…it was great for my self esteem. But neither of them were really potential relationships.
Anyway a friend recommended I try Match.com, and I was skeptical. What I liked about it was that I could look at guys that the system didn’t pick out for me. There was one guy who didn’t come up as a “match” but as someone I might like (I forget what that category is called, but it means that something about them doesn’t meet theirs or your criteria). Anyway, the reason we weren’t matches is because he was 59 and his age range for a potential partner was 55-65. (I was 47) For me that was a selling point. I really liked his profile, it wasn’t too much, so I sent him an email. Our first date (July 1st last year) was a three hour dinner with great conversation. Our second date was a trip to a museum, which turned out to be a marathon 10 hour date–museum, followed by dinner, followed by more conversation over a glass of wine in a wine bar. Anyway, he is wonderful! His profile completely matches who he is and we are so incredibly compatible. We just got married June 29th. I am so incredibly happy & would never have believed that would meet someone who was so perfect for me. Everything is so easy and natural between us–such a difference from my relationship with my narcissistic SA. So the long and short of it is that I would totally recommend Match. But like anything, be careful and trust your gut!Congrats Bon on your wedding!!! I’m so happy for you!!! Sure beats us sitting around drinking in the restaurant consoling each other doesn’t it? It was fun to meet tho and I think of you often girl!!!
Wow March! That’s too freaky. How the heck did you get him to fess up about that? Clearly you have some good screening techniques.
I knew he was a recovering alcoholic, and when we were discussing our having that in common, the conversation went to 12step groups, etc., and he knew way too much about SA, SAA, SLAA, COSA…so I flat out asked him, “Are you a recovering sex addict?” He said yes, so I asked him how much sobriety he has and he responded, “That depends on what your definition of sobriety is.” I said, let’s start with porn. In that case, maybe a day or two…but he’s not gonna hate himself for that, because he’s got the rest of it under control. I reminded him that I specifically said in my profile that I wasn’t interested in porn users, so what about that did he misunderstand? And he replied that he knew I’d never find a man who didn’t use porn, and at least he was honest…
Wow. Yes, March – next.
I used okcupid starting 3 years ago. Proceeded very carefully. My therapist said it was a huge sifting process. Still I had problems with my perceptions and issues and did get into some problems but quickly disentangled.
Now, have been with my boyfriend that I met there for 2 1/2 years. I am starting to uncover some challenges. We are headed to couples therapy. More later if I have the energy.
Bonnie, congratulations and a giant hug! That’s wonderful news and thank you for sharing it. It takes courage to trust love and make a commitment to someone after all we’ve been through. Well done.
March—also well done. Where do you go with a huy who already thinks he know more than you about what you want and therefore doesn’t hesitate to lie about himself. Been there done that. Next time, tell him women don’t want porn users because those men can’t get it up, keep it up, or have orgasms. They’re just so used to fake women that their penis is terrified of a real one.
I met Marc two years ago on Match. He’s not weird and he’s a good person. We have ups and downs and I’m not sure where it all goes. Meanwhile we canoe, sing, talk, cook, watch PBS together. I live in my place and he lives in his. It works pretty well for now. We’ll see.
Congratulations Bonnie!!!
And Diane, and Desiree
And March, wooooowhoooooo! swept that trash in the garbage and NEXT!!
Not that he’s recovering, just that he decided that you couldn’t meet someone better. What an ego. He sure bought that “every man’s problem” scheme, didn’t he. So glad you didn’t.
Still thinking of becoming a Nun. Those gals will take care of me when I get old and infirm and I can sleep in a twin bed just fine – hell that’s half of a king and I’ve got that down! I see enough flaccid penises at work to ever want some middle/old aged dick trying to impress me. “Sister Trish” ~ kind of a nice ring to it 😉
Bonnie, so happy for you, you deserve the best, and yes you are very beautiful and interesting and everything else.
I still think I’m going to need a PI report, credit check, panel interview with at least 5 of my best friends followed by screening checks with Diane, march, bev and JoAnn before I go out for dinner with anyone?!
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