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I’ve been moving all week and thankfully I have had some help! My brothers have been great! Almost everything was cleared out yesterday. Even with all the help and support I had, including new BF, it still literally tore me apart to watch our house dismantle, piece by piece. My exSAH was home and helping and really being nice to everyone, even as we emptied his house. 🙁
I still have to go back over there today to get the last few things back in my bathroom and closet. It’s like I have drug this thing out as long as possible, because even tho I am way OVER SA, I have never wanted to leave my house, all along.
As some of us have said before, home is where your heart and your light reside. Not a brick building. Still, that brick building was my comfort zone and my safe place. More than anything, I am sorry to be gone from there. And even though I play the badass most of the time, when we are talking SA, I’m not afraid to admit how heart breaking it is, to empty out my house and to leave it as well. Just another lesson we all need to learn. Feel the pain and do it anyway.
I purposely left the last bit of it for me and me alone to retrieve. I want a few minutes there without my support group. I may have a few parting words for SA. I am not even bothering with make up today… Because I can feel all the tears bubbling to the surface.
So…I sit here in my hotel room this morning, alone, mourning for what I hoped would be [my life]… And in some twisted way, sad to be leaving my dysfunctional one behind.
Love,
SL
oh sl take a deep breath and cherish your last visit. Let yourself have a good cry and then put it away.
There’s always and ending when new things come to light.
I will be thinking of you today.hugs
HeidiOh, precious one,
I understand. I can’t even drive by my old home. I used to look it up on the realtors “sold” page, just to see the photos. It was so hard, even though I knew it had to be.
Don’t be too tough on yourself. You are only human. Your home mattered and your SA mattered once, too. Of course it hurts to physically “move” away. It makes the emotional distance real.
Have a little cry, or even big one if you need too. And know in your bones that there is a life already on its way to you that is more than you can now imagine.and then maybe have a hot bath and order room service. And think about us. We’ll be underneath you.
love you dear S-L
Diane.You are in my thoughts today, silver. It is a truly bittersweet scenario and I will pray that this day brings you some sweet with the sorrow. Xx
Silver,
I wrap my arms around you as you take these last few steps of a difficult journey. You have been through so much and have found strength hiding in places you did not know you had. I ache for you as you move through these last moments wondering if you can really push through this last mountain. I rejoice with you as you move into peace. You did it Silver, it was a painful journey. You have found yourself on paths that you did not know would be a part of your story. However twisted those paths became, you found your way out. I am proud of you. Now keep going. You can do anything now. Look what you have been through. You have honored yourself! You have done the work of inner awareness. You have asked yourself all of the right questions. More importantly, you have believed in that inner voice that said, I deserve to be treated with respect and gentleness. I deserve nurture and compasson. I deserve honesty and honor.Silver Lining, you are a joy and have a spirit about you that resonates kindness and love. For to long now that spirit has been blocked from shining. As your rays of sunshine have been peaking through the clouds, the warmth of who you are have once again been bringing light.
Shine bright sunshine. It is time for deep breaths and renewed life.
{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Dearest Silver,
So many things in life are bittersweet, but they all add to who we are. I know that leaving behind what, at one time, was all your hopes, dreams and life, is such a huge emotional task. But, I also have seen and heard your courage and strength through all of this.
You are a phenomenal woman. You faced your challenges with courage, grace and a sense of humor that simply awes me.
The months to come will offer you the time to let go of the rest of those shreds of what used to be. Take your time. You may have doubts, you may wonder if you did the right thing, you may look back and wonder if the outcome could have been different ‘if only’.
Fortunately those thoughts pass quickly–they are simply a sign that you are sorting through those last pieces of garbage and throwing them out with the trash.
Often, when I have doubts like that I visualize taking that thought and throwing it in the toilet and flushing it away. After my divorce I even had to write the idiotic thought on a piece of paper, meditate on it, and then burn it. I know it may sound silly, but it really works.
I see only bright sunshine and happiness in your future. You are a true Sister in every sense of the word.
I love you and I am always with you ~ JoAnn
I knew I did the only thing I could do to get thru this day in one piece- and that is post my sadness and grief to my sisters. You have loved me and lifted me up in only a way that SOS sister’s can do! Thank you, each and every one and even ones who haven’t posted yet, as I know I can draw strength later this afternoon from not only these comments but the ones to come. Even if everything else in life is uncertain, the sisterhood will prevail. I am so humbled and honored to be in your presence. Only YOU can possibly understand this torture.
Ready or not… Here I go… One last trip!
ALL my love always,
Patty
Silver, I’ve got tears in my eyes for you. I just know that you are going to do great, but this day is so painful for you, and my heart goes out to you. Sending you big hugs..
Love,
Annie xoxoSL,
Hopefully I will talk to you on the phone soon. This is the last, hardest step of a long journey. I wish I could be there with you. I think you are smart to have a few moments there yourself, to really give yourself closure.
My heart hurts with you and for you. And it will be there rejoicing with you in the happy moments to come. And they will come! (You’ve had some pretty amazing glimpses of the future, as scary as the future seems.)
You have been such a role model of courage and conviction. I’m so honored to call you my best friend.
Hang in there; your army of sisters is with you!!!!XOXOXO Z-girl 🙂
Hi SL,
Thinking of you during this very, very emotional time. There are times in our lives which are so raw and hit to the core and it’s very painful. I was told once, we need to mourn in order to grow. Life is full of twists and turns; we never know what lies ahead.What I do know is you ended a very unhealthy and long relationship. You did it with courage and strength. You felt the fear and did it anyway because you knew it was the right thing to do. You have shown us, by example, how to be true to ourselseves.
I’m thinking of you during this difficult time. You may have lost your home; you didn’t lose you and what believe and value. You’re very special!
Love you, Nap
SL – I would be heartbroken to leave my home. I hope the time you have there today to reflect will bring you one step closer to the peace you deserve. It seems as if you’ve been living in that transitional phase between the old and the new for quite some time. Hopefully as you close the door today to the last remnants of your old life, you are stepping through into a life of love, hope and joy. A life with endless potential.
SL,
I can only imagine how this day feels for you.
You have amazed me with your savvy, courage, wit and resolve since the first time you posted. You are the whole package, Patty, and the universe is going to pour some good juju out on you!
I’m so encouraged to hear about your new life budding. I think that gives us all hope that there is life after.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. Keep posting.
Love to you,
Debora
Dear Silver, I’m thinking about you and sending you love as you take this final step out of your old tarnished world and into a shiny new life of your own making. You are such a role model to us all! Take care of yourself! Love, Liza
Thanks ladies!! I sit here at Bob Evans in a little booth by myself, taking a much needed food break and the tears are still sneaking down my cheeks. What an exhausting week! A little update- the exSAH was home when I arrived. (he had said on the phone that he would be away). He was acting weird. (right!!, what’s new??) To make a long story short(ish), we had a two hour conversation (of course the best one in years) and in the end, he snatched me up in a big, bear hug and bawled like a baby. Yes. My SA, narcissist, no heart, no soul, never any tears, EVER, (even watching Ole Yeller, or any other tear jerker), have only witness him crying one other time in 20 years- and that’s when I was trying to leave him 10 years ago!! Sigh…. The man sobbed and wouldn’t let go and as his whole body shook and he wailed, he repeatedly apologized and wished me well. I literally thought my heart would crack in two!! 🙁
And I thought “I” would be the emotional one today. All I could do was comfort and repeat that everything would be fine for both of us…through my own tears, of course.
Whew….I am wiped out. Again, I would never have survived this day or any other part of this nightmare without the help of the sisters! And, I love the honesty that our site encourages and the love of friends that lets us lay it all out there- good, bad, and ugly (and I’ve had plenty of it all in the last year!) So, again, thank you all for everything! JoAnn and the sisterhood rock!!! XO!!
I love you babe.
The worst is over. I’ll be sending you hugs across the miles tonight.
Keep whatever good memories you have of your ex and throw away the rest. Don’t hang on to anything negative as it will only spoil your new life.
His sobbing was a gift to you and I’m certain that it will help with your closure. He couldn’t show you even a small piece of who he really was for all those years, but now, when you are out the door, he cries–not for you, not for the marriage, but for himself. Gut wrenching? Yes. But oh so validating.
Now go take a very well deserved hot bath and wash away all that negativity and get ready for the rest of your life.
SL,
I think he cried because he lost the best thing
he ever had, a loving, caring wife, (and fun and pretty); he lost you. Remember the song: ‘You don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone’.
Much Love, NapSL
You have been such an incredible source of wisdom and shining example of strength and courage. You are in my thoughts.
Ellensilver thank you for everything, your posts give me hope and strength. im so sorry for the pain you have endured but i know you will be ever stronger in spite of it. i love you girl and look so forward of sitting down beside you at next retreat
much love kattSL,
I’m so very proud of you. You have been through so much and yet you’ve kept yourself calm and just let your emotions come. It’s so good to realize the situation for what it is, feel it, cry about it, and then carry on. It’ll make you a stronger person, indeed. Your ex is realizing that what he has done to you was not right and now he’s feeling the pain of losing you for good. Something he probably never thought would actually happen. He’s lost the only “normal” part of his life he’s ever had. Maybe now he will see the light and not do this to someone else. One can only hope.
I pray for your future and that you get all that you deserve in your new life.
Much love, Claire
I didn’t realize that you were leaving your home today before I just sent you a message. What an incredibly gut-wrenching, heart-breaking day! I so sorry that you have had to go through this. It is amazing that we can go through so much and still keep standing (or at least sitting). I support the recommendation of a long hot soak preferably with bubbles (and a candle is nice, too.) Be gentle on yourself. Yes your SAH cried because he finally realized what a terrific wife he lost. I hope it can be a turning point for him. My SAH now that he is out of the house is going for in-patient trauma and addiction treatment hopefully in January. He is finally beginning to get the treatment he has so desparately needed all his life (he’s 65 now.) Take good care of yourself. Sending you love and courage. Your new friend, LB
Working my ass off… and have wanted to get on all day, but here I am!
So many lovely words… We’re all right there with you… I find that a great comfort, because I don’t really have anyone except my BFF… more later…
Last September 30, Silver picked me up from the airport in Indy (with her adorable son!) and drove me straight to her lovely home! And on top of it, I met her exsah… yes, indeed. He gave a few neanderthal grunts and went about his business as did we.
I think no matter what, there’s a tremendous amount of grief, to process… Its unavoidable, but look Silver, you have your brothers and a hot new beau… Well, we all have our blessings and they are different for each of us.
Now, I was wondering if perhaps exsah was crying because he accidentally got some of that nair-laced sunscreen in his eyes?
it is a possibility. 😉
or maybe he truly realizes that he just lost the best thing that ever happened to him.
Love,
LLL
We should all learn a lesson from this and spread the word… All woman should watch The Notebook with their guys (or Old Yeller)… and if he doesn’t cry… WARNING.. run for your life.
Dear Silver,
My God girl…what a ride it has been for you. I am so glad you took that last trip back alone and had some time with your Ex. I believe he gave you a parting gift and perhaps the only one he is capable of? He let you know, that despite appearances, he recognizes your true worth after all. It must have been very heart breaking for you all these months…the dismantling of your home and marriage. You have conducted yourself with courage and self respect. I pray that now you can move forward, knowing you did the right thing and a better life lies ahead for you.
God Bless Silver! Karen xx
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