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First off, I want to thank Joann and all my sisters for being so supportive and caring. It amazes me how much love and kindness is passed amongst strangers on the computer; you guys have given me more support and strength than anybody in my “real” life.
That being said, I feel as if I am on the verge of a mental breakdown and I’m not sure how to stop it. Have any of you had a complete meltdown and if so, what were the signs and how did you cope with it? I wish so bad I had the time to go to a therapist, but I do not.
ThanksHi HH,
Have you been able to reach out to anyone on here and take advantage of any of the help that has been offerred? While i think it is important to note the signs of a mental breakdown, have you taken any of the help which could in actuality help you or save you from this mental breakdown?We worry for you, but have you started to be able to do anything for yourself? Have you started to make a plan?
My dear hurtheart,
Just stop and take a deep breath. Stop all of your thoughts for just a while. The world will not end if you do this–you have to clear your mind and set some priorities.
Now, after you have cleared your mind, listen to me. What is your most important need right now? Safety for you and your child? Probably.
Are you safe where you are? No? Then you must move. Yes? Then you need to start making plans for your future.
Are you out of money? Does your husband have access to any money? If he does HE IS LEGALLY OBLIGATED TO SUPPORT YOU!
Where do you live? Tell me and I will post a list of resource numbers for you to call.
What is going on in your life that is more important than seeking therapy? Many therapists will take you in an emergency situation (which this is) even if you can’t pay.
Stop, Think and let’s work together to get you some help.
Hi hh – I have had severe meltdowns and severe depression at least 4 times – most of the time when I was living with my husband. I had one when our wedding Anniversary came on April 10th.
These meltdowns were manifested by crying, to the point where I couldn’t stop. Shaking. On one occasions, I was repeating my sentences over and over, and they didn’t make sense. I was real close to totally losing it and not getting it back. But, I was always able to have the meltdown and then re-focus and get myself back together, but some of us are not that lucky. Please Don’t push this to the limit.
You say you don’t have the time to get therapy – I wish you would make that a priority and take Flora and JoAnn’s advice. My prayers are with you.If therapy isn’t available to you right away, please see a local doctor. You may need some medication to help calm you down so that you can logically think and get your life in order. I wish you the best and I hope you take up some of the offers the ladies here have proposed to you Please don’t be shy, please accept some help. I mean, you’re asking for help, right?
Thank you so much guys. I stopped today and took a deep breath while my mini me was occupied with stacking cups. It’s tough to clear my mind when there is so much going on. I’ve had a rough few years {bad illnesses, several miscarriages, 2 surgeries, burying my son {my daughter’s twin brother}, watching my daughter fight to live in an incubator for months, raising a preemie, losing a family member, marrying this piece of shit who has bled my heart, brain, soul and wallet dry, etc} and I think it’s all catching up to me. Every day I have to bite my tongue about how I’m feeling and suppress all the anger and sorrow, lest my neighbor hears {she has filed noise complaints against my 2 year old for months now, documenting every movement she makes every 15 minutes of the day} or my daughter senses my sadness and tension. I have one best friend who lets me vent on the phone every now and then, but she lives 2 hours away, so it’s not as if I can escape to her house to get a break from all of this insanity…
My most important need right now? Making sure my daughter is safe and taken care of properly, and healing myself both mentally, physically and financially. All of this seems very difficult to do…
Am I safe where I am? Tough call. I don’t know anybody out here. Most of my family and friends live hours away. My daughter and I are being stalked by the woman next to us who blatantly hates children. My SA had to move back in due to finances and my knee, and I never feel safe with him. Are we in horrible danger? I don;’t think so. But I do need to start making plans for the future. But how? When do I even have the time? I can’t even get to my physical therapy to help my knee because I do not have anyone to watch my daughter??
Money: Barely anything left. I’m scraping by just to make sure my little one has clothes, food, toys, etc. Not much left over for me, but that’s ok. Credit card debt is insane as SA spent all the cash we had, thus leaving me no other choice but to charge most of what I need. SA makes OK money, but it would take YEARS to get out of the hole he put us in. He is paying the bills right now but not consistently as he still has “slip ups” and also likes to spend whatever extra cash he makes on stuff for himself. Can’t afford to get separated or divorced right now either…
I live in NY. One of the most expensive places to live in the world. I lived directly in NYC up until a year ago, and now I live about an hour outside of Manhattan.
Therapy is a problem for the same reason my physical therapy is: I have nobody to watch my daughter so I can go, and I’m not too keen on her coming as she is now 27 months and can easily repeat things I say, and even though she doesn’t understand all my words, she can certainly pick up on my emotions. Too many times I’ve seen her smack herself in the face or pull her eyelashes out or start crying because mama is sad. It’s horrifying.
I think this is the most I’ve said to anybody in months.
HurtHeart,
You can take your child with you to see a medical doctor. Bring a couple toys, books, snacks with you. Tell him of your recent events that have caused you to be majorly depressed. I’m telling you that any medication he gives you will help to clear your head so you can begin to rationalize and solve some of your problems. I take an anti-depressant and it has helped so much, I just can’t tell you. Lots of them, like the one I take have generics so the cost is just $2-$4 a month. Please, make an appt., take your daughter, and get some help.Where is your family? Where at outside of Manhattan; I am in Connecticut. Can your family take you in just so you can get your feet on the ground and get the recovery you need for your body?
Here is the thing. I don;t think that you or your daughter are going to get better where you live by staying with him. Its not possible for you or her to be healthy in this environment; It’s just not going to happen. You are never going to get better living the way you are.
I have been there. I never lost a premie, but had one pregnancy that was touch and go for three months, born helathy and a preemie, who was maybe not going to make it as she was born early. So I can take that and multiply it by ten and it equals your stress. I know it noway compares. But you now have to dial into your inner strengh, mama bear.
So you need to break down what you can do. The world will not stop spinning out of control unless you stop it.
Make a hit list of what you need to do for you to make it. This is a list of the most crucial critical things. Your world is spiraling and you need time for you. Is your daughter enrolled in any kid of pre-school? I have a 3.5 year old. They are demanding; but you should really have some time for you. If you can’t do that she is sucking up too much of your time, and probably ruling your life (which a 2yo can easily do). This is crucial to you surviving. Even it is part time, she will get enriched and you get some free time. You could really use some live-in help for the time so you can recover. Can a relative stay with you?
If you need to get away from the SA. Family, friends anyone you can stay with. This is not the time to be wishy washy and panicked; you need to get out to save you and your daughter. nothing good will come of remaining frozen in that place where you are.
I totally agree with CBSlife. Bring your daughter to the doctor with you. I take my daughter to work even with me some days. If I could not take my kids with me anywhere; lets just say I would never go anywhere. Is it possible to hire a mothers helper even for an hour a day?
Dear Hurtheart,
I hope you are able to tell JoAnn where you are, so that she can connect you with some resources/agencies. You are a woman in real crisis. Your situation seems fraught with a variety of stresspoints and it may be possible to relieve one or two, and make the others bearable.
I’m so sorry and wish with all my heart I could wave a magic wand and fix it all. Please don’t give up. Please just take it one hour at a time. We love you.
D.Dear Hurtheart,
My heart hurts so much for you. Yes, please let JoAnn help connect you to some emergency resources. As Diane said, you are in a real crisis mode right now. Also, if there’s any way you can get to a doctor just to get an antidepressant prescribed, please try. I have been on one for a little while now, and just upped the dosage a little since my recent D-day. It has helped just to keep my mind clear and help me cope with things. Even if you had to bring your little one to that one appointment, in the long run she’d be better off. My GP prescribed mine. Please do follow JoAnn’s advice. Breathe, clear your mind, and then go from there. We love you!!Hi Hurtheart,
All the ladies have wonderful advice. Just two things to add: it’s almost impossible to “reason” with an active addict (I know only too well). You might as well talk to a wall, and the wall would be more responsive. Please be aware that your SA’s behavior might be criminal and, depending on federal and state laws, your property could be confiscated. That leaves both of you with nada. You might want to relate this info. to him and the serious consequences just might get through his thick skull. This might not work but it’s worth trying, if only for your peace of mind.
Hugs, AnnDear hurtheart,
Here is a link for you to find a therapist. Please do the search and call a few.
http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_search.php
Most will work out some sort of a payment plan and you can, and should, certainly take your daughter with you, especially since she is already exhibiting symptoms of trauma.
Make a list of your stressors and just force yourself to cross off any that are not under your control–such as the neighbor. No one can throw you out of your apartment because a child makes normal child noises. If she is harassing you, call the police. Put that stressor, and any others that are really not under your control away and clear them from your mind. You need all the energy you have to focus on the most important issues, which are you and your daughter.
Do you have a car? Then get yourself and your daughter to a counselor. If not, do you have public transportation? Check around, you will find a way.
Do you have a phone? Check out this link for help for families in need in your area:
http://www.hud.gov/local/ny/homeless/familiesshelters.cfm
Search the internet for free legal aid in your area, here is one link to start, but there are many:
http://www.legalservicesnyc.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=93&Itemid=134
Right now you are so depressed and defeated that you cannot think logically. Take one thing at a time. Do not look at the entire big picture for a while–it will only overwhelm you. Find one thing and do it–such as finding counseling or legal aid. Each success will give you strength.
Do not give up. You owe it to your daughter to gather your strength and protect her and yourself from harm.
If there is anything else i can do for you just let me know.
Sending you courage and strength.
Aw hurtheart hang in there. You need to listen to all this good advice. I too started taking anti depressants 2 weeks ago. I called my ob/gyn and she prescribed over the phone. I really resisted because it made me think I was weak. I feel stronger today then I did 2 weeks ago, the panic has subsided and I can think clearer. My daughter and I volunteered for a week at a homeless shelter in Oshkosh Wi over spring break and it is the most beautiful place and mostly empty. They also have a free medical clinic and drugs. It is brand new and clean and they help you with everything. You can stay as long as you need to. If you feel like making a drastic move to WI!
I would invite you to stay with me, I have room…..but my husband would try to pick you up!Hugs ~ don’t be afraid to ask for help!
hadj608-I just read your post after posting to you on the other site. Sounds like you are doing some healthy things for yourself, but how are things going with the hubby?
I can relate to your statment, “He would probably try and pick you up.” Mine wouldn’t try to pick them up, but sure as hell would objectify them. He even triggered on my sister last year, so have that feeling of anxiety whenever she is around. I am really hoping EMDR therapy helps me to get past the trauma Steve has caused me. I still get that feeling in the pit of my stomach when subjected to “My” triggers.
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