Feeling sorry for myself

Memories are stored with a corresponding emotion attached to the memory. That is why some memories are crystal clear and others are foggy. For example….if you went on a date with someone you really liked…you might remember what shirt he wore or what you ate…even though it was 20 years ago? When you try to remember what you wore on Friday a month ago you have no idea? The more emotion attached to the memory (either positive or negative) the more clearly you recall the details. EMDR works by allowing the brain to process the memory in a way that the emotion surrounding it is released. Somehow the rapid eye movements allow the brain to process memories much faster than talk therapy can. The eye movements must somehow open up pathways in the brain involved with memory storage. Thats my understanding fo it and I plan to get EMDR as soon as I am settled long enough to do it. I found a therapist at home and I will see her when I go back. She performs it within an established therapeutic relationship only. She says it can bring forward all sorts of things. Karen xx

I think March may be certified in EMDR and maybe she will tell us how it works too. I’m looking into it also. I need it pretty badly.

I was a patient of EMDR and now I am training in it. I am allowed to practice currently, under supervision. Part II of my training is in October. EMDR helped me move past my childhood sexual abuse, issues surrounding being raised by an alcoholic narcissist, and domestic violence I experienced. It has helped some with the SA shituation, but I haven’t done enough of it. It seems odd to try to heal from something while you are STILL enduring it. I will resume it, though, as this IS coming to an end. During my training, the specialist I worked with pretty much demanded I re-do my childhood stuff, and–sure enough–it brought me right back to SA, to the fact that I have not managed to recover my sense of self-worth, value as a woman and a human being–and THAT is why I’ve stayed in this house with this man. Don’t I deserve better? Am I not worthy of real, painless love? Well, yes. Yes I am.

This is the explanation of the theory from Francine Shapiro’s website. She’s the person who discovered the benefits of bilateral stimulation for trauma relief.

Theory
Shapiro developed an information processing theory1,2,3 to explain and predict the treatment effects seen with EMDR therapy. This theoretical model also describes the development of personality, psychological problems and mental disorders. The following is a simplified description of Shapiro’s theory.

All humans are understood to have a physiologically-based information processing system. This can be compared to other body systems, such as digestion in which the body extracts nutrients for health and survival. The information processing system processes the multiple elements of our experiences and stores memories in an accessible and useful form. Memories are linked in networks that contain related thoughts, images, emotions, and sensations. Learning occurs when new associations are forged with material already stored in memory.

When a traumatic or very negative event occurs, information processing may be incomplete, perhaps because strong negative feelings or dissociation interfere with information processing. This prevents the forging of connections with more adaptive information that is held in other memory networks. For example, a rape survivor may “know” that rapists are responsible for their crimes, but this information does not connect with her feeling that she is to blame for the attack. The memory is then dysfunctionally stored without appropriate associative connections and with many elements still unprocessed. When the individual thinks about the trauma, or when the memory is triggered by similar situations, the person may feel like she is reliving it, or may experience strong emotions and physical sensations. A prime example is the intrusive thoughts, emotional disturbance, and negative self-referencing beliefs of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

It is not only major traumatic events, or “large-T Traumas” that can cause psychological disturbance. Sometimes a relatively minor event from childhood, such as being teased by one’s peers or disparaged by one’s parent, may not be adequately processed. Such “small-t traumas” can result in personality problems and become the basis of current dysfunctional reactions.

Shapiro proposes that EMDR can assist to successfully alleviate clinical complaints by processing the components of the contributing distressing memories. These can be memories of either small-t or large-T traumas. Information processing is thought to occur when the targeted memory is linked with other more adaptive information. Learning then takes place, and the experience is stored with appropriate emotions, able to appropriately guide the person in the future. A variety of neurobiological contributors have been proposed4,5,6,7,8

My therapist used right and left hand buzzers instead of eye movement to do it. I did it on one of my big Ts and it really helped me see that it wasn’t my fault. In fact, I almost felt like I was floating over the “scene” and saw what was happening without the pain and could see it for what it was (sick SAH).

I have a new therapist now and will be interested to see how she does EMDR. (clickers, etc).

Thanks all for your concern about our son saying that…..we went to our first family therapy session last week (the addiction guy – and he seemed very concerned about all the rage that the kids had for their Dad). We’ll see what happens with that. I suspect that their sense of safety was shattered (as it was with me) when he ambushed us all with his desire for a divorce while he was screwing the last granny last Feb to March. He was very unstable and acted like he was on drugs or something equally as strange. It was a very tough time. It really shook up the kids.

Deb

Deb,
I agree with bev on the individual therapy. In the past, my sa was so angry, aggressive and dominering my kids would have never voiced how they felt in front of him. They still are a lot more open and at ease when he is not around. The whole mood in our house is better. Just food for thought.

xxoo
Julie

I use the “tappers” too–the little pulsing egg-like things you hold in your hands. As a patient, I liked that I could close my eyes and run through the scenes in my head. During training, we used the hand movements in front of the eyes, and I found it distracting and not as effective. So I’ve purchased tappers and use those with my own clients.

Kim,
Sounds like a nightmare with the car. Glad you are all okay. I hope the rest of your vacation is uneventful and relaxing.