Filers guilt

LOL, Lexie!! 

You are CRACKIN me UP tonight! 
And…….. I agree…..

I know in some of your cases, the SA has filed. (what a huge favor they have done for you, btw)

But by and large, I think that under most of these circumstances, it’s the partner who will have to file because MOST SA’s will never do it, either because they want to play the victim (as mine did), OR, they truly don’t WANT the divorce E.V.E.R. Because they want to have their cake and eat it too! (well, hell, don’t we ALL??) I mean, if I have a piece of cake in front of me, I want to eat it!!! Don’t you!?) The difference is, my cake was my marriage, and yeah, I wanted it ALL! The love, the respect, the partnership, the TRUST, the security, the family in tact, etc. Unfortunately, my cake and his cake were two separate things. 

Nap, I’m sure there are plenty of people out there who might have filers guilt, because, after all, it IS a big decision and life changing for BOTH partners when perhaps the “other” partner didn’t want any change. So if you have any decency and even a little love in your heart for the other person, you probably SHOULD feel a little guilty on some level….. 

HOWEVER, this thought process excludes partners of SA’s. We are exempt from guilt due to the circumstances… And as Marie or Diane or one of you smart ladies pointed out to ME, right before I filed – I am actually doing myself AND my SA a favor. Me, for the obvious reasons and him for giving him his life back. Here you go, big boy, take it and run. Most SA’s have to hit rock bottom before they will ever really want to change, and this includes losing their family in the process…. (and who knows, maybe even their JOB, in my SA’s case). So, I wouldn’t feel guilty anyway, because I know I am doing the right thing for ME (and Sam) but I also feel that I am doing the right thing for SA. He has been so robotic and disengaged this last year (at least) that something major was gonna have to happen to even wake him from his trance. And I’m not even sure at this point if losing his family is gonna do it. He may have to find himself on the wrong end of a gun with some fatty’s husband. One day, he’ll screw (literally) with the wrong person and he’ll be sorry. He’s already gonna be sorry when he see’s my settlement proposal, lol… Matter of fact, He DID screw with the wrong person!!! 

But to prove I’m not a total unfeeling bitch, I have done one thing for him. I am close to his sister and she has been aware of his “dalliances” (Gawd), through the years and has begged me to leave him many times. Once D day came and went, And I spent some time gathering evidence, researching SA material, and of course, joined this wonderful site and REALLY saw what I was up against, I called her and told her the entire truth. I did that because the man is in serious trouble and is gonna need some big time help at some point. I will be long gone and I felt it was my obligation to be sure someone in his family knew what was going on with him. ALL OF IT. She is an awesome person, a professional, and she loves Sam and I very much. She also loves her brother and I understand that. It’s why I told her and she was grateful. She has asked, that after the divorce is final and I have some time, would I educate her on everything I know about SA in general and point her in the direction of resources and assistance to hopefully have an intervention of some sort at some point. That is my final gift to him, and I hope it works for his sake. I am going to follow thru with her request because I think it’s the right thing to do and she wants to be informed and know what she’s up against. 

How’s that for getting off the subject?? Must have needed to get that off my chest, so thank you Nap!!! 

PS: I still like Lexie’s answer better!!!!! 🙂