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We women are always punished when we don’t do what we’re told. We won’t play the recovery game the way they want. We won’t play the divorce game the way they want. We won’t play the marriage game the way we want. We have to be punished. It’s all he has left, and he’s running of out time. Good grief he must be on the cell phone to his lawyer every day he’s in treatment. It would be hard to believe that he’s fooling anyone there. But then, some of these therapists are dense indeed.
Teri, you married a monster. An absolute monster.
You are today’s heroine. Hang in there. You will emerge with your head held high.
Teri – the next thing you know his stupid attorney will blame you for him screwing hookers (or what or whomever he did). They are nuts and it’s all just about money and power.
Deb
OMG Teri this H of yours NEVER stops. I agree…he is still full of shit and only went to inpatient to try to screw you over. The sooner you are divorced from that sack of shit the better. Hang in there…you must be so TIRED of this?
BIG HUG, Karen xxI woke up thinking of you Teri. Hope you are doing ok. You are a strong person but it`s just so overwhelming at times. Your H get`s the SA Asshole prize IMO..
Hi, guys. Thanks. I’m feeling a bit better today, although I still want to scream.
Yes, Diane, I must be punished. He’s trying to say that this therapy means he is REALLY in recovery this time. Yet I must be punished for putting him there.
And, no, Karen, he never stops. That is why I am scared to death of him.
I think there was one time people discussed a pink bubble or something when they get caught? When the SA is all apologetic and willing to do anything? I have never seen him do that. I have always been the one that had to apologize or face his wrath. He used anger and fear to intimidate and control me.
I tried to make an appointment for our forensic psych eval which my court order must be done before we can mediate temporary orders. No openings until well after the first of the year and I can’t make the appointments yet because the attorneys still have to straighten something out.
We won’t be able to mediate TEMPORARY orders until at least a year and a half after I filed.
Yeah, I am tired.
Teri isn’t there some way you can get this to move faster?
Gosh I would have thought he would start feeling some remorse in inpatient. He is angry and mean.The only way would be to have someone else do the Psych eval., but my attorney is pretty set on having this particular person do it.
She has said that she wants to get this moving and she is known as a go-getter, so I think that’s as fast as it is going to go.
Attorney doesn’t seem concerned about it. I told her about the cost letter that his treatment center had asked me to write. She said to send it (if I felt comfortable).
Part of me wants to send it just because he doesn’t want me to- to say, “you don’t control me, I do”. Of course, if I do it just to show him, he does still control me.
Also, I thought about using the letter to see if he would at least back off on my son if I emphasized what has happened to him.
And there it is…that little flicker of hope that something I do might somehow get him to behave better. That’s what keeps us sucked in, doesn’t it…
Should I go ahead and take the chance for my son’s sake? Or do I just say I’m not going to do it any more? How many times are we faced with that kind of choice? It’s maddening…
I know it won’t make a damn bit of difference. Why do I feel like I still need to try?
Oh Teri, I’m just so sorry that every hour of every day is filled with so much SA shit. I don’t know what to advise you regarding the letter, though my gut says DON’T send it. Is there any way to let your SA THINK he’s won, without ceding your son’s safety, of course. Sending you strength. Love, Liza
I hope I’m not being sucked in, but I thought your letter? that you posted under another thread was quite brilliant, including the ending.
I think I would have to say, “this letter could go on and on, but there is little point in that, except to generate more harassment and accusations from your lawyer”
BTW, did you add the most recent round of threats and accusations to that original piece?Diane,
That was the letter that my therapist was encouraging me to send (she called the attorney letter “insane”). I did think about adding the lastest round of bullshit!! 🙂 It certainly illustrates my point perfectly.I love your addition, BTW.
This is just so typical of the whole relationship. Anytime I try to say something, he uses threats and accusations to shut me down. And he calls me controlling.
It just sucks that so much of my life is controlled by what he and his lawyer say/do. I don’t know how I can do this for another couple of years until the divorce is final.
Honestly Teri, there is probably little point in sending the letter but there is no harm either. If he is in inpatient treatment and still showing no signs of remorse then he is a lost cause ( you knew that). The letter and his reaction might give his therapist something to work with. Maybe they can label him a sociopath?
I wouldn`t think about it any more than I had to. Send it, don`t send it…What do you want to do? Just don`t expect it to do any good. I know you realize that.
I am so sorry and I hate the piece of shit.
Dear Teri
I am very late to this thread. And I am very very sorry that exh is up to no no good.
he is for sure, like the others have said, punishing you. Oh you disobedient woman you!! take that!
The attorney letter is insane. I would imagine any court would see through that. But I think March called it. Anything we put in writing will be used against us. It’s the narc MO. I am not surprised he went there, as my exsah would do the same.
Teri you are going to come through this. It was a bad day. It was an infuriating day.
I am a little worried about you sending any letter. there will be other battles ahead, and you will win them. let him have this trite little pissing match. let the babyman menfant have it.
but if he’s saying he’s being “badgered and harassed” don’t send another letter. i don’t know what your attorney would recommend, –but you dont’ want to give his side any reason at all.
not one. i say not worth the risk. Terri save your energy for the big stuff.
Teri,
I agree with the general consensus here. Don’t respond. It’s just more fuel on the fire for them.
And what exactly does it have to do with the actual case? Is part of this filing contingent on his successful treatment (please God no). It is mean and nasty and lies and blaming, but is it actually legally relevant to your case? I don’t see how. So it seems to be just to put a flag up, and if I were you, I’d let them just watch their silly little flag and feel like fools for sitting there waving it when you won’t charge in like a bull to a red cape.
Cool headed restraint. They just can’t take it. He’ll go to pieces. It won’t be pretty, but it will sure make YOUR CASE for you.
I think that’s when they start to really experience loss of control because they don’t have any leads to play. They are NOT the most creative bunch. I mean how trite is it to let your dick lead you around like a puppet? Without some little hint from you as to what you’re thinking, feeling, doing, he’s in a mental vacuum. He can’t think for himself. His attorneys can only do so much. They can’t save him from himself any more than you could.
I agree Terri – Don’t respond. You don’t want to tip your hand. Let your h come out with it all, and then you have a better chance of beating him at his own game. Keep your thoughts to yourself.
I just wrote them an email. They had asked me to write what I needed to say to him. I responded that I’m having a hard time because I don’t feel there is anything I need to say to him (which is true). I have found that talking to him just gives him the opportunity to hurt me more. When I need to talk about how what he has done affects me, I turn to my support system.
I thought that sounded like a pretty good response anyway.
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