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Starwinkle, yes, leave. Easier said than done, i kmow. But the mere fact that you posted a cl ad and got him to respond tells me your are smart and resourceful. You will be fine in the long run. The short run will suck. But thats why we’re here.
Best way to avoid getting sucked back in?
Go NO CONTACT. None. Cut him off completely. No calls, texts, facebook, face-to-face, or anything else.
I still loved my XSAH and believed I didn’t need to do this…at first. I kept getting sucked back, thinking I needed him, not wanting to let go. But continued contact with him meant continued opening of the wound, particularly in the form of longing for the man I’d believed him to be.
No contact hurts like hell at first. I spent many nights collapsed on the floor, screaming until I was hoarse. But it was the best choice. I moved through those initial, horrible weeks into a new freedom from the pain and fear of being with an SA. It was so worth it.
Hugs and encouragement to you.
Can you spend a couple days with people who knew you BEFORE you knew him? Not as an escape, at least not this time. To remind yourself who you are.
Starwinkle…I totally agree with what everyone has said and can completely empathize with how you’re getting “sucked back in”…been there, done that too many times. So, maybe, if you approach it as a temporary separation, that will help you make that first step. Just plan to go home to your parents for 3 months or something and go “no contact” during that time. I am willing to bet that being away from him will bring about an amazing amount of clarity for you. And, if you’re worried that you’ll still be conflicted after a short period of time, install eBlaster on his computer before you go…without a doubt, that will give you all the evidence you need to know he hasn’t stopped. Actually, now that I think about it, if 3 months seems like too difficult a step, just plan to leave for a week or even a weekend but install eBlaster and you will be amazed how the minute you are out the door, he is right back to his horrid activities. If you’re not ready to completely leave him, start with baby steps but at a minimum you need a break from him and his emotional manipulation.
I agree with all the sisters here. My story is the same, so much the same. JoAnne has said, “we can finish each other’s sentences.” It is true. IT IS TRUE.
Unfortunately SAs are capable of unfathomable manipulation. In the end, after more than 20 years, I suffered more than I ever could have imagined and that was after I was loving, forgiving, patient and loyal. Oh yeah, I was blamed too. Oh yeah, I deserved all the trauma and chaos because I had it coming. WOW!
Please sister, watch your own back because he isn’t. He cares about himself, not you.
Virtual hugs of support and caring,
DesireeShe was active 2 hours ago. She’s probably just trying to think through things. It’s easy for us to say “run as fast as you can” but it’s hard to take that first step. SW – we’re rooting for you!
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