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it seems that so much of this process is about letting go.
of what we thought we had.
of what we thought we will have.
of our lives as we knew it.
of who we thought they were.
of who we thought we were (this one is a good one for me, i’m much better than he led me to believe).
of our financial and physical security and safety.
of our social standing.
even of our children.i’ve had to let go of
what i think love is
my belief in my family unit
my day to day life
my husbands family, and some of our friends.i look forward to rebuilding it all.
but letting go is so sad (and it needs to be..). almost a year and a half later. it still hurts just as much.
love to you sisters, as we all let go of what was stolen from us.
xo
I wholeheartedly agree, Lisa. It’s a grieving process and parts of it make us angry or sad or depressed but we have to feel those feelings and allow for the process to unfold. The only way forward is through.
It just proves we are human Lisa. I’m so sorry and I wish no one ever had to grieve those things. Grief hurts but it has healing powers. You will heal.
You said it so well, thank you and I’m sorry we are here, too. Just glad it’s not the end of the road.
So true. I am having a hard time letting go. I feel that I should (to save myself). He says he loves me and is a changed man. I feel he will eventually be out there doing it again. Because of his being so nice and attentive to me it is even more confusing and harder to let go.
robin, i hear you, and hear your pain. i don’t know if this helps you, but it seems that healing comes through the letting go of many many things, and that this needs to happen whether we stay or go…
Thanks Lisa. We will get thru this. It is the only way. Hugs to you Robin. I was promised the moon too the 1st time.
Letting go is the worst.
I didn’t want to. I don’t want to.
I know that until I let go, my hands are too full to receive anything else.
I don’t know about you, sisters, but I seem to have to let go every day of my life. Over and over again.Well is time to put up or shut up. Today I put in for a withdrawal from my 401. I could have on Monday but waited until today. This sucks hard.
SOT, your 401? i’m curious, what is that?
you nailed it diane. i don’t want to let go either. it hurts like tearing out a network of bloody intertwined veins from your body and mind.
continuous painful letting go of everything. every day. that’s what they gave us, instead of the moon and stars.
but if we can let go of the sickness that manifested in our lives? we’ll be able to see the sky. xoxo
SOT, each step like that that empowers us, no matter what each of us decides, is a step towards freedom. 🙂
What’s sad is the grieving is actually going on while we are still in the relationship and it continues for a bit even when we finally leave.
FN, i agree.
and what is infuriating, when we finally leave, the stoopid asses are surprised and indignant.
They are shocked when we leave because we disturbed their “reality”, which is disturbing to them, in and of itself 😉
Well, it’s easier to get over the letting go and grieving when they are total dickwads. So some of us should really thank our SAs for making that.
Lisa, I’m sorry you are hurting about the letting go. Unfortunately, it’s a necessary step in the process and you are handling it really well, writing down everything you are grieving and sharing it here with those of us who know it all too well. It’s hard to let go of our dreams and the lives we thought we had. And dickwads don’t even seem to get the destruction which makes it hurt all the more.
HI Lisa,
I love the poetic way you verbalized it all……………
I found that letting go was extremely difficult in the beginning, and that the process of accepting the reality and detaching gets easier as time goes on and the what ifs get fewer and far between…
Especially when they show their true colors, ( and they always do ) then, we *get* that we made the right choice and there was no way out except o.u.t……
Even when we *get* it, it is still hard to let go of how we thought our life would be and of course, our children’s lives. But, the reality is that it’s all better without these lying & manipulating pervs & sickos in the end……
Teri is right, they do not get the destruction that they caused – not one iota, do they get it… ONly how it relates to them. ( their reputations, their finances in the divorce, etc….. – it’s never about us or their children… so sad… like your husband with his stupid email……. think about those things when you get sad, that should help snap you out of thinking that he could have been anything other than what he is – a selfish POS, who gave you no other choice but to leave his sorry ass…….
You are my hero….. so strong and focused…..
so much of my grief has been the absolute chaos and crisis he caused
i was left to clean up the mess, financial and otherwise
it took years
feeling somewhat stable after more than 4 years after the last and final crisis
recently attended my youngest son’s wedding and my middle son saw me happy – he said it was so nice to see me happy after everything I went through
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