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Should I get a forensic computer person, ask my husband for his computer, and copy his hard drive? I have found what I believe is the tip of the iceberg but I believe there is a lot more (emails accounts, escort sites, porn, sex chats) that he has erased. I’m told an expert can find this stuff. Culd this be helpful or just cause me more heart ache and conflict w him?
Thank you in advance.Get the computer and get all the info you can. Don`t hesitate. You may or may not decide to stay with him. He may or may not stay with you. Get all the information that you can. You don`t ever have to use it but better safe than sorry.
I gathered all the info before I confronted my H. It is one less thing that I have had to deal with. I have my solid “proof’.
There was also tons of proof on bank statements, credit cards, phone, and Ipad…..
You deserve the truth.
Unfortunately he’s had the computer for three weeks since The Discovery. I am concerned that he has erased everything. Do i need to find a licensed pro? Any idea how to find someone in my area?
I am no expert but I do know that it is possible to find tons of stuff people thought they “erased’. I would call an expert and ask.
You can also tell him he gets ONE chance to tell you everything and then take a polygraph. That scared the shit out of my H. I bluffed my way thru some info that I suspected but didn`t have actual proof. He knew I was serious about the polygraph and I still am.
I truly do not believe there is a way to find EVERTHING. But, you need to know the basics….
Is your H the one denying that he is an addict? is he saying “only porn”? I cannot keep all the new sisters straight yet. My brain doesn`t work as well as it used to…
I agree with Bev to get everything you can. And I keep hearing from my attorney, etc. that information that has been erased can be retrieved. I did it myself on a camera storage card, so I believe it.
I am wondering if there is a way to “wipe” the hard drive. I have some suspicious texts between my STBX and other SA’s in his group about giving in to temptation and bringing their computers somewhere to get rid of “it”. Goodness knows if there is a way, these guys would figure it out.
Bev, I haven’t told you my PI story. We used the keylogger to hire a PI- knew just when to send him over. But all through the keylogger conversations, my STBX and his ticket were talking about needing to be careful in case there was a PI following them, contacting them through the sex sites, etc. So the point of that is even when they think they are being sneaky, you can sometimes catch them.
You can ‘wipe” a computer but it would show up as “wiped”. Who would do that unless you were really trying to hide something? A clean computer means a guilty party!
That`s a great story Teri. I wish I had phone spywear before I hired the PI. It would have been a lot cheaper….
I know, Bev. Our cover is blown now so we will have to do it the regular way in the future. And according to my attorney, that is probably going to be a regular thing for me until my son is off to college. I’m still going to be keeping an eye on the DA.
Moral of the story is, you want proof of what they are doing to protect yourself. It’s the only thing that matters not only in court but often also with the therapists.
@Bev – My h has admitted to porn use, cruising escort sites, match.com, and sex w six prostitutes over our ten yr relationship (when I say “admitted” I mean, I found proof of everything including four of the six sexual encounters, he hasn’t volunteered any info, really). Given that, I firmly believe there is a heck of a lot more, but he denies it. I
I think it takes a few days. depends on who you hire and where you live. Your attorney will know who to hire. I went to an attorney before I confronted my H. I wanted to know my rights and what I would be looking at financially. I strongly suggest to everyone that the first thing to get is a therapist and the second is an attorney…
I think there’s a part of me thats still scared to ask him for the computer. Scared he will freak out, say no, or convince me it’s an unreasonable request.
If he says no or tries to convince you that you`re crazy then you have your answers…. He is supposed to be 100% transparent if he is interested in “recovery” at all.
If he is not willing to give you everything you need ( even if it seems crazy) then he is not in recovery. There is NOTHING you can do about that. Mine didn`t “get it” until he went to Dr. Minwalla`s intensive. That was my deal breaker. I didn`t promise to stay with him but I promised to file for divorce if he didn`t go.
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