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Last night h called around 11pm. He acted depressed and worn out. He said he just got home from work and only stopped working for 5 minutes to eat his mcdonalds. I said that’s you own fault. No one else is spending the same amount of hours on this but you. Why don’t you even allow yourself time eat?? I got such a sob story. Not at all like him – he is always happy. I mean always happy.
Then he says I’m going to florida the 13 of feb. for a week to see my parents. I booked my flight tonight. I said how can you do that with out checking with me? Do you even know what’s on the calendar? He says, I tried calling you. I found nothing on caller id, no emails, no texts, I don’t think he tried to call me at all. The whole conversation he talked with a really low slow voice. He said well you’re phone must not work!
after I hung up I tried to call him right back and he would not answer. That alone is weird because he checks his phone constantly. I sat for a while trying not to get pissed because I wanted to go to bed. I was a little worried about his demeanor. He is never sad or down, especially when he has a trip to go on! So I was concerned because something finally got to him. But I don’t even know what hotel he is at!! so I couldn’t call his room!
It occurred to me that he only “acted” sad because he knew I would be upset because he planned a trip without asking (ALL golf weekends he went on he never told me until he was practically leaving – so this is an issue for me) So the whole sadness thing was just a manipulation! And accusing me of not answering the phone = planting doubt in me, making it my fault, total gas lighting!! He used so many different angles in that 1 phone call.
And the old Heidi would have felt bad about not getting the phone call, would have felt sorry for him because he works so hard and only had 5 minutes to choke down a big mac. And of course I would excuse him for making arrangements -poor guy, he deserves a break. I can see exactly how I got where I am and I am pissed at myself for always believing him.
-and Florida will be for acting out. One of his problems is combing the beach for boobs. And his parents will be in bed early – and he can slink his slimy self around looking for twat.
sorry – how many of your husbands would plan a trip and not tell you?
REally sorry Heidi, that this kind of stuff is still coming up and there is not way to assess what’s sincere, what’s truthful, what you can respond to without suspicion or skepticism. I know you would offer great things to him, if you could only have faithfulness and honesty in return.
I guess that is true for all of us.Heidi dear,
You are doing “IT” again. I was doing “IT” yesterday morning. You are getting a divorce, My husband lives in Africa and I don’t. We should STOP doing it…don’t you think? Of course everything you suspect is true and he is yet again doing what he has NEVER stopped doing and will NEVER stop doing so what choice do we really have here, Heidi? Nada except to try to stop doing what we do in response to what they do and it is so f–king hard and maddening and infuriating and lonely and depressing and unfair and everything we didn’t want in our lives? I know that….I am so down myself. But it doesn’t change ANYTHING. You ask what kind of husband plans a trip without asking his wife. The kind of husband that cheats on you, lies to you, gaslights you, hurts you repeatedly and uses up the best years of your life for his own selfish gains. The kind of husband just like yours and mine and most of them on here. The kind of husband who doesn’t love you, care about you or respect you because he is incapable of being anything but a parasite on the ass of humanity. So in that context let him go suck the life out of someone else OR at least try to refrain from analyzing his bullshit. God…I HATE these guys!! Hang in there girl. I try to take my own advice…it doesn’t always work but you are too pretty, smart and funny to put this much energy into an ass parasite and his boob gazing trips. 😉
And so are YOU, Karen! And it’s about damn time you start taking your own advice. Fuck the money. Come live with me in the Tennessee holler. I’m serious. I hate these fuckers too!!
Heidi- You are so right in everything you have concluded and if nothing else, I am proud of you for the clarity you are gaining. You will GET There!! Faith in yourself, baby, just none in him! He is a weasel!!!!
I wish I had a nice BF in the Holler even though I am really NOT the holler type but I am not the ass parasite type either so who cares.
I am going to start another thread to see if Nap and Katt can come up with some new names for these insects and rodents we married. Naw….fun but only temporary diversion from the task at hand…rid of ass parasite and nice new boyfriend….or really will only have to be passibly pleasant, even inane will do…I mean from where my bar is currently set the ONLY way is UP girls!! 😉hi heidi,
The kind of man who plans a vacation without asking you, or seeing if the schedule is clear, or of its okay with the fam the kids…the checkbook…is the kind who just does not give a crap. Thats the kind.And for me this is what it boils down to. We can argue about the lagistics, give the benefit of the doubt, he said she said…but what does the writing on the wall say?? He planned a vaca without asking you. hmmm. Inconsiderate and not how a married man WITH children should act. Selfish loser.
Sorry heidi.
FloraHeidi,
I’m so happy you are divorcing your h. He takes advantage of you all the time. I’m so glad you have clarity now and live outside of the charade.SL and Karen,
Tennesee is suppose to ne beautiful. We can learn to hoot and hollar! Katt could come up with some great name I’m sure.Love, nap
I love you guys! and that is the bottom line what married man plans a vacation without checking with his wife.
just talked to him, he is still reaching for someone or something to blame, some how it is not his fault he hit the “buy” button without checking with me. What a child!We could all go live on my island – but it is really cold and has no way of getting any supplies in the winter except walking 7 miles on Lake Michigan ice to weak for
snowmobiles! The holler sounds better in the winter!Dear hadj608 :
Sorry you got stonewalled. You start to catch on after awhile. And then yes, we get angry at ourselves for getting suckered. I used to justify my H’s travel –he works so hard, I only work part time, he deserves it (all prior to the SA revelation mind you)… but still. WHAT A CROCK.
He made no calls to you. Nor did he want to pick up the phone. He was sad because he feels guilty. I guess there is some remnant of a human left. And that miniscule little piece feels bad. For what he is about to do. which is: Ignore his wife, lie to his wife, act out in whatever way he is used to, and not invite you to come. there done. now let him suck down a Big Mac on top of it.When the addiction is ON, it is ON. we are out the window. we don’t exist. we can’t exist. Only Florida, and boobs, or more than just boobs. That is what he is choosing. And you cannot control it. But you can protect yourself. Or go on a trip as well. just say hey, if you are not going to tell me where you are going, why should I tell you? we’ll be roommates. couples check in and plan. he is not behaving as part of a couple. It is HIM, HIMSELF and his ADDICTION. No room for you sweetie. until he wakes up.
sorry. IT sucks, I have been there. These F trips. that is all they are.
Heidi,
A sex addict… doing something so selfish? Suprise Suprise.As for what husband does this… NOT a good one!
I’m with SL. You should plan your own vacation when he gets back, Call him from the airport.
Heidi,
I hope you tell him that was a one way ticket he bought. He can keep living with his mommy and have all the boobs festivals he wants, you don’t want him anymore. Youve got better things to do.
Love, NapIf his mommy and daddy don’t know about his little problem yet, I think it’s time they learned ALL about it.
if you really want to f**k with his head find out his flight and tell him you made arrangements for the kids and other stuff and i booked a seat on the same flight….. i would not tell him other wise until the day of then id tell him i decied to change my flight to
fill in the space. for a much deserved vacation.I agree. I didn’t get a full disclosure from my husband and the work visa arrived to save his butt. I gave him a respectable amount of time to finish it off by distance but he just started his usual tactics.I knew I would never get the rest of it. It wasn’t complete but it included some doozers….definately NOT the kind of thing you want all those people who buy your “nice guy” act to see? I emailed a copy to everyone in his immediate family…just so when he went running home to them they would know exactly what kind of “marital problems” he was having. Horrible thing to do on my part? Yes. Essential in order for anyone to believe me? Absolutely. Payback? You bet your sweet ass. 😉 He has 3 sisters and a brother who he liked to tell his version of our “problem” to. Of course, he didn’t mention anything about himself. I knew there wasn’t a Canadian, married woman ALIVE, sister or not, who was going to read what he said and ever find a way to let him off the hook. 🙂 Like all of us, I carried some of his shame around on my back for awhile. I found that letting the people who count know the reality of what he does, helped me shrug off what was never mine to carry. Keeping their secrets just makes it that much easier for them to abuse you.
Oh, yes ma’am – you are soooo right!
Question tho- since you did the SMART thing and let the important peeps know about his dirty little secrets- what do THEY think about you still hangin around?!
I like Katt’s ideas of surprising him on his ‘vacation’. When you catch him covered in barely legal boobs on the beach, take pictures, and go crying hysterically to his parents. Show them the pictures, tell them the ‘whole’ story. They will feel horrible. If they have money, tell them for $200,000 you won’t send a letter with pictures included to the rest of the family. Then go shopping.
Love, NapI told his mom this summer, she showed no emotion, we could have been talking about the weather.
You know what would be better than surprising him? Calling his mom and putting her on high alert that he may be up to something. She loves controlling everyone! He wont be able to get away from her!
And I am not going to remind him to pack snacks in his suitcase (I always do). He will be there the whole week eating only what she allows! I am completely serious about this. It’s bizarre!
And she always wants to play games and she cheats to win, and if that is not weird enough, she accuses everyone else of cheating when she is loosing! He is going to have a great time now that he knows her behavior is a big part of this!Nap – or really piss her off go on an eating binge with her money! I have thought about asking her for all the money we spent on therapy this year! and maybe my lawyer fees!
Hi heidi,
if I remember correctly, his mother is nuts (even if she hides the nuts in boots and doles them out one peanut at a time) , and I suggested there might be an emotionally incestuous possibility there. He may be retreating to the original “scene of the crime” to try on the old relationship again because it’s the only one he’s got now that you are living apart. If his relationship to his mother is part of the original trauma/problem that sent him down this road to SA, this decision to go and be with her is a real psychiatric episode. IMO. Stay away in droves, dear heidi. Let them duke it out or re-kindle their sickness together. Just stay away and don’t get involved in any way.
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