Help for Dealing with Therapists

So I combine both posts and added from other points made by the sisters. This is what we’ve got so far:

Here’s what I think we need to be aware of:

1. Therapists who patronize by diminishing our experience.
2. Therapists who diminish the behaviour of the SA.
3. Therapists who suggest we should do things that are dangerous to our well-being, because the therapists diminish our experience and the SA’s behaviour.
4. Therapists who don’t know anything about the problem but take you as a client anyway.
5. Therapists who blame us.
6. Therapists who need to label us.
7. Therapists who want to groom us for co-dependent roles in treatment programs that serve the addict and their own bank accounts. (ie. priority of saving the marriage vs. the well being of the people in it)
8. Therapists who use religion to oppress clients.
9. Therapists who either use us as in #7, or ignore us entirely.
10. Therapists who do no disclose their “work” plan after some initial appts.
11. Therapists who disempower us and continue deception by deciding what truth we should know about our SA’s addiction, and when we should know it.
12. Therapists who view our appropriate expressions of anger at what was done to us as instances of blaming/shaming the SA, choosing to defend the SA and insulating themselves from the damaging consequences of SA behaviour.

Here’s what we are looking for:

1. Therapists who are qualified in the trauma model
2. Therapists who are up to date with sex addiction treatment, including the work done by Barbara Steffens and others.
3. Therapists who are not afraid of our experience and what it means.
4. Therapists who are not easily duped by SA denying, diminishing, lying, blaming, de-focussing, gas-lighting etc.
5. Therapists who are open to our needs for safety and truth.
6. Therapists who are creative in their own learning and professional journey.
7. Therapists who do not need to “succeed” in a treatment model, but seek healing for clients.
8. Therapists who are spiritually aware and open to the spiritual dynamics in play for their clients.
9. Therapists who have a “work” plan for therapy, even though it may need tweaking along the way.
10. Therapists who have the best interests of you, the client, as their priority.
11. Therapists who support our quest for knowing the truth about our SA’s addiction, and work with us to empower our decision for how much truth we want, how and when we learn it.
12. Therapists who view our expression of anger at what was done to us as appropriate and healthy.