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like diane said, my bar was set too low. i was raised that way… but no longer… i’ve got a plan.
i have heard that there are women SAs, so i imagine if they have male partners, they may be going through many of the same things.
but generally, i believe it’s the power imbalance in our society. we really haven’t come a long way baby. the western world likes to pretend that we are so enlightened, but this patriarchal system still abuses and sanctions the abuse of women. we’ve got a lot of resistance to push through on this one.
lisacay, when I told my therapist that my husband was smoking pot, she told me she refuses to work with people who smoke pot. Something about you can’t get them to stay grounded in reality long enough to deal with stuff. Also, a friend of mine in the psych world was very disturbed from a psych perspective about the marijuana. Mine says he has stopped and the pot is gone, but who can tell with these guys? I’m sad about your sadness around boundaries once again crossed.
at least there are tests for that!
penny, i’m so glad i met you, every time i see one of your posts i get a warm feeling for you!
anyone else coming to vancouver???!!
The first freakin thing the psych people tell them is “must be sober”….even the lousy therapists say that. No pot, no alcohol, no nothing!!
Liza, we change the inequity one step at a time. Women give up everything because we actually care. The SA`s have no capacity for caring and that is why they are mired in the seedy world of grabbing there dicks in front of a computer screen or paying for a professional to utter ” Ohhh Ahhh..You are so great..”
They are a void and we have a soul. We can keep our soul and they can be left holding their weenies with a kleenex in front of a screen….
Their loss….sad and pathetic. We should all stop dancing around and using the buzz words with them anyway. When you choose the lifestyle of cheap sex with your own dick over your family then you are a sad sad sad person….
It`s why so many have trouble admitting addiction. They are completely embarrassed and feel like a perv in a bad movie. Then the CSATs step forward and tell them there is no shame. BULLSHIT!!! That lifestyle is shameful and for a damn good reason.
Bev – right on sister!!!!
Lisa – love the drug testing idea. Go for it. You have a really great boundary there. You can’t trust these guys – but as someone just said – at least you have a test for that. (I do love my f-test idea….I bet there is a test for if they have spilled their sperm – in fact, isn’t there some type of a light that we can shine on them – saw it in CSI???) Wouldn’t that be funny – before they come into our homes they have to pee in a cup and go through a blue light. Kind of like security in an airport. Oh – and they have their computer and phones scanned. I see a new SOS business idea – screw the pillows! (OK – we’ll give them out as a bonus if you buy the scanner).
I have pleaded with my 88 year old mom to insist on drug testing and 12 step meetings for my brother (who was living with her until he landed in ICU for drinking Listerine among other things, I’m sure). She never did it and he’s now in a nursing home at the age of 56. I hope he never comes out or dies.
Deb
Deb, your Mom and brother are the very reason we should not coddle these guys. If you love them ( as so many of us proclaim) then we should love them enough to use tough love and force them to recover…even at the risk of losing them. Without tough love, we are merely enablers…
Love is not clinging to someone because we want/need them so badly. Love is sacrificing your own needs or wants for the person you love. If we let them run all over us then we don`t love them or ourselves.
I am so sorry about your brother but with your mom running interference…he had no chance.
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