Here's MORE of What I Really Think About Sex Addiction

No one is safe while in a relationship with a sex addict.

Partners have a right to know when they are in danger and they have a right to know what the risks are and what the odds are if they stay. I know so many want to believe that their SA is different. Maybe they are right, but what if they are wrong? Where is the biggest risk? Walking away from a ‘comfortable’ relationship that has the potential for serious life altering events, or staying in one?

Unfortunately most partners are not told about any of the risks they are taking by staying. They are fed untruths, given fake statistics and told that if they give their all and support their man’s recovery that their marriage will be ‘better than ever.’

My sites and I have been severely criticized over the years for my outspoken views. The Sisters and I have been called ‘man haters’ and one clever person even compared us to the mafia?!?!?!?!

As a nurse I have watched innocent young women die of AIDS. Women who had no idea that the man they were married to, the man who was the father of their young children, had a secret life that included unprotected sex with men. These women left behind young children. I watched young men die of AIDS, young men who were terrified of dying, young men who should have lived a full and rich life. It was a horrible way to die back in the late 1980s. Today HIV is manageable but it’s not fun, easy or cheap.

As a nurse I have seen young children, one was just barely two years old, carried in to the ER after having been sexually violated. I know young women who find out they can never conceive a child because their ovaries were destroyed by chlamydia, even though they had no symptoms. I personally have a good friend who enjoyed the perfect life…a successful attorney husband, fancy house in a gated community, country club, nice boat, tennis lessons for the two kids. She had it all. Until the police arrested her husband. One of his ‘affair partners’ committed suicide and implicated him in her note. Then all the ‘other’ women came forward. He was disbarred and did some jail time. They lost everything. She wound up living with her children in a trailer with a friend. I have another friend who was happily looking toward retirement with her husband. He had a great job with a nice pension plan that would support them nicely. Two years before he was due to retire he was fired for using porn on the job. He lost all of his retirement pension.

These are just a few of the ways your life can blow up in a minute. It’s not just the ‘acting out’ that is a danger, it’s all the things that come with it. Hookers, pimps, blackmailers, drugs dealers, disease, loss of job, college and retirement funds gutted…you name it, it can happen. If you think that the only thing you have to worry about is if he ‘slips’ you are naive to the reality of this thing we call sex addiction.

As the creator of these sites for partners I have heard tens of thousands of stories. I come by my philosophy honestly. I learned the hard way and all I can do is tell women the dangers, tell women the odds and hope that a few will listen. I feel that anyone who spews false hope to women who are in a situation where their lives are in danger, where their future could fall apart at any time is guilty of a most foul deed.

If a woman has all the facts, is able to weigh the odds and decides to stay, that’s fine. She has that choice, she can give informed consent.

But, if a woman is not informed of the dangers, if she is encouraged to have sex with a man who is a serial cheater, if she is told that she should give up all efforts to protect herself from harm in order to support her husband’s ‘recovery’, to not talk about her hurts because it might shame him, and to not verify his words because she needs to ‘trust’ him even though he has not earned that trust, she cannot give informed consent. Her very agency has been stripped from her.

I will continue to speak out against this abuse until I can speak no more. Yes, I probably offend some people and more than just a few women who join here have made a quick exit because what I say contradicts all the lies they have been told. The people who run the sex addiction recovery programs, the sex addiction therapists and the spiritual leaders who protect the abusers and enable sex addicts to continue to abuse their partners are even more guilty than the sex addicts themselves. Whether they are simply misguided or greedy makes no difference. It’s still wrong.

As for partners, if you sleep with snakes you are bound to be bitten.

Sorry, my fingers just can’t stop typing lately. Sometimes it just all comes bubbling out.