- This topic has 34 replies, 21 voices, and was last updated 12 years ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Courtney,
Nothing to add to these wise words, except to say I’m sending you (and everyone here) love and light.
M_O
Courtney – good for you! Your plan of telling him the only call you will answer is from Dr. Minwalla is a good one, it will buy you some much-needed space and time. Don’t feel obligated to stick to your offer though…that offer was extracted from you under duress by his manipulation. You do NOT have to honor that. You have every right to tell him that it’s over between you. But I don’t blame you at all if you need to wait for a few weeks to say that. Just get yourself space and distance right now.
I’m about 2 months out from exactly where you are right now. My H did the same thing, crying, apologizing, making me feel AWFUL. When I told him we had to separate, he got lightheaded, crying, and almost fainted, I ended up having to get him a cold washcloth and nurse him back to consciousness. I thought I was going to have to call an ambulance. The only way I got through it without backing down was shutting down my emotions and acting like a robot during the conversation. In my head, I didn’t give myself permission to change course, just kept repeating, “you have to do this, you have to do this.” It was the only way I could go through with it without backing down.
Once you get the space, it is so much better. Trust me, don’t back down! You made it this far. Please hang in there, vent to us whenever you need to. You can do this!
Thanks everyone so much for all of the great comments, I’m a mess again today, but I’m not a mess that’s running toward him. I laugh every time I think about Liza’s “dirt nap”, and I love Pam’s comment about another angel getting her wings, and I’m so grateful to know that crying is manipulation 101 and so many of you have had experience with that, and I’m grateful that Bev doesn’t regret Minwalla, no matter how it turns out, because if he could be a better father for my daughter, I would want that, too, I just can’t be married to him.
He left a message on my phone that he “is not opposed to recovery, but really thinks we should meet with a counselor to try to find a way to go forward.” Fuck that.Courtney – you stay strong! I let my H manipulate me with those tears too many times and here we are a month since the last breakdown and he’s still in the house. I honestly think he thinks everything is fine with us b/c I am just so damn tired of talking about his issues that I am just living life as if we’re roommates. This is not a good long-term situation so please don’t let him suck you back in. The tears may be real but they won’t last – he’ll be right back at it if you let him back in. This is your chance to make a break. And just by the fact that he’s now back-tracking on Minwalla and wants you involved in “trying to find a way forward” is exactly the kind of thing they do to suck you in.
Wish I had more words of wisdom that will make it all better!
Sending hugs,
FCClare – he almost fainted? And you had to revive him with a wet washcloth Seriously? What a pansy! 😉
He is “not opposed to recovery” and wants you to both see a counselor? Oh, please. Seriously time to stop listening to him- he is all about manipulating you.
They always cry when they start feeling sorry for themselves.
Clare, you have quite the drama king on your hands.
Courtney, I let my H come home for one night before he was flying out to Cali the next morning so he could see the kids..
he cried and begged again that he had figured it ll out and he found God and he was so sorry…blah blah blah…
He got on the plane and it is the best damn thing he has ever done no matter what happens with our marriage.
I sent him off with a card and my grandfather’s famous quote ..” If you are gonna pray for potatoes then you best have a hoe in your hands”. Get your ass to Minwalla’s and do the damn work.
Actions, not words…Nap has said that a million times and it took me awhile to grasp it but she is exactly right.
Courtney – I’m sorry you are having a rough few days and that have to deal with his manipulation tactics. You sound like you have your head on straight though. Power through this. I know that is so much easier said than done. That is what we’re here for…share your doubts and pain with us, but stay strong with him. I think Karen (or another sister, sorry if I remember wrong) said never show them your underbelly. Boy is that true. They prey on the slightest hint of weakness or backing down…if they smell the chance that you will change your mind, they pounce on it.
Sending you hugs, strength, and energy,
ClareFeelingConflicted – thank you for my laugh on the night! “What a pansy”….I am literally laughing out loud here. Teri – never thought of him as a drama king but you are so right!
Isn’t it always fucking interesting to hear from them that when the shit hits the fan they say they are willing to go to therapy?
Funny how they never call to say they took the initiative, found a therapist, made the appt and have the first appt behind them.
It’s all part of the script they read from.
- The forum ‘Divorce’ is closed to new topics and replies.