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I’ve been away from S.O.S. for too long!! I think the last time I visited with you all was in November. Either before or after I lost my Grandpa and my sweet pup, Turbo. I lost them both the week before Thanksgiving. In fact, my Grandpa’s funeral was 2 days before Thanksgiving Day. Thanksgiving was a downer for sure. Not even a week after Thanksgiving my mother-in-law started some of her stupid shit, then we went into the rush of the Christmas holiday season.
January comes quickly and I am finding that the death of my Grandpa is hitting me really hard. I guess I am not able to mourn for more than one thing at a time. Thinking back my grieving process started on July 31st when I found out all of the fantastic things my Husband does to help with his anxiety and stress. Then I put that grieving on the back burner to grieve for Turbo and my Grandpa, but mainly Turbo first. I know that may sound weird to some of you that I grieved for my dog first before my Grandpa, but my dog lived with me (obviously) and I was physically taking care of him since he had gotten cancer. I got a new puppy on December 31st and she is wonderful. Her name is Marie and she gets along great with our other pup, Sonny. She really helped occupy my mind at home. That is when the reality of my Grandpa being gone hit me hard.
I cry a lot over all of my losses, I have been having stomach problems (I am sure stress related) and I have been missing a lot of work due to that. Honestly though, I have allowed myself to get in such a funk that I don’t care about much except being at home and away from people. I have started seeing my therapist again.
This isn’t me girls, I am known for being happy and full of laughter. I am just sad and hurting. Unfortunately, I haven’t found super cool ways of dealing with stress and anxiety like my husband and other SA’s do. I just deal with it the good old fashioned way, grieve, cry and pray!
It dawned on me this morning that I haven’t been with you girls since everything started spiraling out of control and I think I was doing a lot better when I had you all in my life. Your honestly, whether it felt good or hurt, kept me grounded and strong.
Please forgive me for being away for so long, I have thought about you all and kept you in thoughts and prayers, but I couldn’t ever get myself to turn the damn computer on. I have been withdrawing from family, friends and work and I am realizing it now.
I’m scared because this just isn’t me and I don’t want to feel like this.
Hey you, have been wondering where you’ve been and what you’ve been up to! What’s new in your world? Love, Liza
Hey SNB,
You have had more than your fair share of rough times this year. Time to have some good times 🙂 i hope. Its going to take one foot inf ront of the other to get to that better place and out of that hole. When people reach out to you, people you want to be with anyway, take their hand. Enjoy the time you have, no longer mourn the time you lost, and live for what you have now. Baby steps.
Coming our here to us is a great first step.Love,
FloraSpeaking of people being away…where is cindy 111 these days?
Hi SNB.
I came aboard SOS during your haitus, but Im happy to meet you. I am so sorry for the difficulties and losses you have been experiencing. Sounds like you have had a lot heaped on you all at once. I hope that you are starting to heal and am so glad you are back! This site is such an incredible source of support! I look forward to getting to know you and becoming friends.
Warmly,
BonnieSNB-So glad you are back and sharing with us. Sounds like you are having a difficult time and have had some difficult things to deal with.
Keep sharing – it is such a great catharsis. I know if I am depressed, it just helps to vent and get it out.
Hang in there kiddo-much love,
SharronWelcome back Shaken! So sorry to hear of the rough road you’ve been on and I hope you’re feeling better. It sounds like you are isolating yourself which is a form of self protection. We are here for you!!!
Love, NapDear SNB,
thanks for taking that first step out of the abyss. It’s so hard sometimes. We all just want to curl up and disappear. Worst thing we can do. We have to reach out. Hang in there sweetiepie, there’s goodness in store, there really is. Just live your life, get it back, remember yourself, its all in there still.
light,
Diane.Missed you SNB!! The sisters offer some great advice! I like what Flo and Diane said especially about reaching out!! Just so you know, I think it is fairly common for each of us to take a little break now and then!! So glad to have you back!! Please take care of yourself- every single day!! YOU first! We will be here for you!! You never have to apologize for taking a break!!
XOXO!!SNB,
We are always here for each other, no matter how often we come and go. I, too, withdraw when it all becomes too much. I’m sure that’s true for many of us. I’m so sorry for all of the losses you’ve had to bear. I, myself, have been feeling a lot of anger for the pain my SA put on me through the choices he made to deal with HIS stress. So appreciate the strength in yourself! You will have yourself back…one step at a time!
We’ve missed you, and it’s good to see you back.
love, JulieDear SNB,
What you are experiencing is very normal and you have had so many losses in a short time. Try to stay with us. It will help u feel less alone BUT if it gets too much you can always back away and then return? Lovely to see your pretty face.
Karen xxOh my, seeing all of your amazing words and support is unbelievable. Surprise…I have a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. Actually, just seeing the familiar names and new ones were warmth in my heart and to read your messages makes me feel like I am gaining strength back.
I am so grateful for all of you!! You each said something that hit home with me. NAP, when you said “It sounds like you are isolating yourself which is a form of self protection.” Do you think so? I couldn’t figure out why I was doing it and without recognizing sometimes I was isolating myself more and more. When it dawned on me that I was doing that I became angry with myself and really disappointed because I felt like a coward who couldn’t handle bumps in the road, little or small. I hope that what you said is true because it makes me feel like the fighter that was inside of me is there still, that instead of fighting for those around me like I normally do, I am fighting for me. I have often cared more about the well being of others over myself.
I have missed you all so much. I am taking it slow, one day at a time, 1/2 a day at a time, sometimes hourly. Oh and a lot of deep breaths!
Thanks girls!
ShakenNotBroken
Dear Shaken,
This is MUCH more than a bump in the road. Then when you add it to the two deaths you have experienced…it is a big load on young shoulders.I think we isolate because we don’t know who we can tell and we feel too bad to have to always put on a happy face. Its not like you can just go tell everyone what your husband is doing…so you keep his secrets and you keep to yourself. I like to think of it as cocooning, which has its purpose also in healing but you can go from cocoon to catatonic quicker than you think. I think it is really important to have a couple of safe people you can really be honest with…maybe a therapist or someone else who will listen and not push you.I cannot remember if you told your family or not…I just remember that you said they are very good and supportive.Anyway, don’t close off dear girl? Karen xx
Karen – you took the words out of my mouth! Definitely more than a bump in the road. Wow. Perhaps she was talking about other things that have been going on? But regardless – I took it like you did and was gonna post the same thing! We MUST not minimize the actions of these SA’s.
SnB- I am glad that it warmed your heart to see our smiling faces again!! Don’t stay away too long next time!! We missed you too!!
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