- This topic has 52 replies, 21 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 9 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
I don’t know if this helps any but my H told me about his 12 step group ( I know we hate them but I asked this question and he answered). He said they talk about their feelings and all that BS but he said what he noticed the most from all the “men” in his group was that it always seemed to trace back to their father. IF he is telling me the truth then it hit them all hard what they were doing to their children.
I know my H seems more aware of his relationship with my son. I’ve heard their conversations about sex and right and wrong. My H said he knows he is a hypocrite for talking to his son about right and wrong but it needs to be done (As far as sex stuff….porn, girls, etc..).
I have also backed up the talk with speeches of my own.
I think the young boys would be better able to avoid the porn (just say no) if their own father spoke honestly about it to them. Yes. porn is exciting. Yes, we all want to look. Yes, your response to porn is normal. BUT, it messes you up for real relationships. It is so very wrong to use a female ( or any human being) in that manner. It is not a true portrayal of sex with a real partner. etc….
Thank you Teri and Bev, your responses make me feel better because I have done all of those things. Talked about the long term effects, all the devices are monitored, using others and real relationships. I wish there was another male here that I could have talk to the boy about it, because I just don’t trust H. (see my new thread). Maybe when I get hi home. I know there are some men there he trusts – and I trust. I am just scared, given the family history, that there is some kind of hereditary part to it. I am scared about what happens when he moves out. that could be in as little as 3 years. I have told him all the “right” stuff. I just wish I knew he HEARD me.
An older trusted male would help. They get older and they believe ( partially right) that Mom just does not understand. And, I admit that we do not understand all of it. Just as men can know about periods and child bearing and pregnancy but we know they don’t really get it. I would really try to find a trusted male ‘role model’ for him.
A boy knows his mother is not going to be happy that he looks at porn. He needs someone that he believes understands it to tell him NO.
I do not believe this shit is genetic. I don’t think it is cancer or heart disease. I believe it is more environment.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.