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Without going into detail, I did something stupid which hurt only me and now I’m having a lot of regret and remorse. It can’t be reversed. How do I not keep ‘beating myself up’ for it and how do I make sure it doesn’t happen again. I feel very stupid and foolish and need help resolving these feelings. Do you have any suggestions and do you ever deal with this?
Yes. A big yes.
I talk out the whole story out loud to myself. I make myself say what I don’t want to say. I acknowledge things in play I may not have wanted to acknowledge before. I require that I name all the feelings.
Then I asked myself out loud what is best thing for me to do next. And then I try and answer the question. out loud.
Usually I end up being merciful, and forgiving myself.
It’s been a huge piece of dealing with my regret that I married who I married.
I have typed and erased too many times here. Bottom line, perfection is a dream, and not the best one ever. If you learned, offered to make ammends, what else is there?
Love 🙂
One of the things I’m learning (very s.l.o.w.l.y) is that I can’t recover from all of this perfectly. With or without my whatever-he-was, I can’t reclaim my life and put it back together without making mistakes. It isn’t a linear path. I will make mistakes, fall, stumble, step back and forward as I go. That’s hard for me. I don’t want any more regrets. None of us do. Something I try hard to remember when I start beating myself up for not doing it perfectly is this:
“Fall down seven times, stand up eight.”
I hope that’s of some encouragement to you, Nap. Let it go and keep moving forward, sister.
Bless you nap. You’re not alone. Whatever it is, is done. My stuff I struggle to let go of. I am trying to adopt a faith based position, knowing that I can be forgiven if I own up, acknowledge I wronged myself and turn away from it. And sometimes I have to do that a lot. And then apologise for picking it back up when I’ve been forgiven.
It’s hard but we’ve got to leave it behind
nap, whatever it was, i am wholeheartedly forgiving of you and loving you. tell yourself that lisa says its ok.
we are human. just observe, don’t judge. dear dear nap, don’t you dare be too hard on my nap…
i love you dearly, nap
my SE therapist told me once, when i was afraid of fucking up, ‘well then you just apologize’ maybe just give yourself a quick apology, then keep on going…
So you feel like you’ve stuffed up? S… happens. Look at it in the context of all that you do and it is a grain of sand. Don’t be hard on yourself, just regret what you have done but move on from it. The regret alone will stop you from doing it again. xo
NAP, if it’s something that only hurt you, then I’d try to look on the bright side. That there’s nobody else hurt, that you don’t have to apologize or make it up to anyone. Just consider it one of those learning experiences. And consider the beating up of yourself that you’ve already done as ‘time served’ and punishment enough. Try not to be so hard on yourself.. we all fark things up and make stupid mistakes. Big hugs. xoxo
NAP, To be fully alive we have to take risks, be active, and engage. And when we do those things, we sometimes makes mistakes. We let our guard down, we get tired, we get sloppy, we do all kinds of things wrong. And that is how we learn and become wiser, better, stronger people. So you didn’t make a mistake today, you became an even better version of NAP (who was pretty awesome to begin with).
Nap, whatever you did can be forgiven. If you only hurt yourself then that is good and bad. I hate it that you were hurt. I am glad you didn’t hurt anyone else. Take a breathe and go ahead and be angry with you. Then accept your apology and move forward. You can call me if you wan to chat 🙂
“I’ve been proficient at failure. But the only thing you can do is say, ‘Here’s what I won’t do next time.'” ~ George (Mr. NAP) Clooney
Dear Nap: You did something stupid and you want to know how to keep from doing it again? I think you’re already there. You aren’t likely to do something again that has caused you this much remorse and regret. I’m so sorry you are hurting. Please forgive yourself and move on having learned a life lesson. You are such a good person, treat yourself with the same love and kindness with which you bless the rest of us.
With love,
DaisyI think sometimes we are so hard on ourselves. We would forgive a friend or a family member for a perceived hurt but we beat ourselves up. If your best friend came to you and said “I screwed up royally” I’m betting you would tell her in you NAP way, not to beat herself up. You would offer her some sage advice and forgiveness with empathy for being human. You owe that to yourself. All of us need to start treating ourselves as our best friends – with empathy and compassion. Life is beating us up plenty right now. Go easy on yourself. You are a lovable, fallible human being – emphasis on lovable 🙂
You have a lot of sage feedback – I will only add love and support, pick your most self-affirming path – Meg
I have a little inkling of what you may have done nap. I wouldn’t shred myself over it. There are worse things you can do and others do ALL the time…We are not perfect. We get overwhelmed by feelings sometimes and we act on them. If it doesn’t sit right with you simply don’t do it again. No saints here nap- we all just trundle along as best we can? Karen xx
Thank you all for your suggestions, support, and kind words. They all really helped me sooo much. I know today will be a better day.
Love you sisters,
Nap~It’s like I fell off my bike, cried, now I’m getting back on and am going to ride again. I can’t let one fall stop me from riding my bike. (sounds silly but it’s what came to my mind).
Hi Nap it’s OK. Thanks for sharing with us. It makes us all feel normal and to know that when we stumble and fall we can rise again. Just by sharing shows you are on the mend. We love you.
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