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I do want to say, my husband was the most upset about this because he said “you know I would never hurt a woman” and I believe in his right mind that is absolutely true. But I can’t see these things and hear him deny so much, and believe he is always in his right mind, or even knows the difference until it is POINTED OUT. So many times he has said “I didn’t know that was wrong.” I kid you not, it’s a standard response for him.
It boggles my mind that he expects me to believe that he can’t see that paying for media representing this type of abuse is taking a part in it. You didn’t hold the whip, but you paid for it. You are responsible. If you didn’t pay for it, if nobody watched this, there would be no public torturing available as options in the marketplace.
He would not hurt anyone. But, if he was at that stage 7 years ago (that’s how old the photos were date stamped), who’s to say he hasn’t progressed farther now. Where in God’s name would that be? And if he can say he hasn’t and do this, what else can he deny or justify to himself? I just can’t fathom the possibilities.
Thanks all.
Lynng2 I am really really sorry – I didnt think of you when I asked that question and that makes me ashamed. Thank you for your honesty and I wish I could give you a hug and make it go away. I just wish I could make it all go away. So so sorry and thank you xxNO SHAME!!! Please don’t. We are here to share, and I will do that to the best of my ability. ESPECIALLY now, I see this as a necessary part of the healing, that we share in honesty. This stuff thrives and breeds in secrecy, and shame fuels this compulsion/addiction. We just cannot buy into it. I won’t participate in that. Love alone will let us shine a light into this darkness.
holy shit lynn.
you write so well and have such a beautiful soul.
thank you for posting that. it’s honesty like that that will keep us out of denial.
there is good in the world lynn. there are good people.
the escalation of your sahs behaviour shows how evil this thing really is. how evil it was when it started, and how evil it can become.
i’m speechless with grief, for the loss of innocence we have all had. and for all those pour souls victimized by this shit.
we haven’t come far from the binging and purging of rome. or the raping and lynching of the wild west or the south.
you are right, we can shine our love through this darkness.
The torture porn came to light 4 months after the AC show was taped. I was actively trying to save my marriage until that night. From then, I was praying for an out, and trying to stabilize. The Houston job was it. He left to take the job. I just did not follow.
The torture porn came to light 4 months after the AC show was taped. I was actively trying to save my marriage until that night. From then, I was praying for an out, and trying to stabilize. The Houston job was it. He left to take the job. I just did not follow.
Ohhh Lynn, I am so horrified for you. I can’t even imagine… It makes me so sick, the level they/this can progress to.
Do you think the torture photos were real or staged? If you suspect they were real, is it possible to go to the police? I cringe, feel ill and haunted inside, thinking about the victims. There are so many missing and trafficked women, what if this is what’s happening to them? Torture porn.
How can we stop this? What can we do? I feel so much outrage, yet helpless too.
SAHs all have their “arousal template” – and it can morph over time. Lynn’s SAH was/is into torture, mine is into grannies, Pam’s was/is into trannies, Heidi’s was/is into voyuerism…..I’ve read that whatever accompanied (was associated with) their childhood crap (e.g. pantyhose, men, feet, etc.) can become their fetish.
I think it’s all really sick – and none of us should take on their shame. I have no problem talking about my SAH’s stuff – as it has NOTHING to do with me.
Deb
I have talked with attny about calling police. They said don’t bother. No way to enforce the law on web providers. Usually they have overseas addresses, no matter where or how the stuff is made. I wonder, though, as STBXSAH has a huge amt of still and video equip that I have never seen him use. Too far out for my brain ro follow
The police might be able to identify the women, though. Even if their faces aren’t shown in the photos, they may have identifying marks on their bodies (unique birthmarks, tattoos, scars) that could match up to the details of reported missing women?
Lynne, my STBX needed a fancy camera to take his photos that he put online. He also took it on family vacations- even helped the kids take pics with it. Makes me sick.
Now he thinks I am being unreasonable for insisting he does not have that camera around my son.
The funny thing is that he took pics of his and the other guy’s dicks when they were having group sex. And his was definitely not the bigger of the two (plus its broken). No shame!
Freedom,
I completely agree with March. I think you should insist on a formal disclosure with a poly (and then dump him). It may not be everything but it will be more than what you currently know – and help you reconstruct your life.
I am a firm believer that the truth will set you free.
Deb
After lynng2 reply I now know he has 2 pay as you go phones. I dont know the make so i dont know if I can trace. He will now have to take a poly or go to court to see the children – his poison stops here. I still need to know but i am working on that as after lynng2 I dont think i will survive it. Much love everyone xx
If you want the info then you need to get your hands on those phones somehow…usually those phones do not have internet capability but the phone logs would be quite telling.
Freedom, I don’t think the courts will allow you to keep the kids away from him. Just ask Pam or Fauna or Teri about how that goes. Unless he takes the children with him to an orgy or he sexually or physically abuses them, the system pretty much treats them like his property–something he’s entitled to. It’s unbelievable, really.
Ive just realised spokeo is US – Im in the UK. Its really hard to trace numbers here. Anyone know a good monitoring system here for phones ?
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