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Deedee- so sorry for having to tell your girls.
After I told my son, he kept worrying I would leave him, too. That I would get in an accident. That I would die during my gall bladder surgery.
Really, I think kids just need to know that you love them and you are there.
Right before we told him there was a mini fight. He changed his mind suddenly and didn’t think they should know. We had been talking and planning what exact words all week, we were going to use choosing what we said carefully. Afterwards he told me that he thinks I was using the girls to hurt him. The fact that he had to tell them was done only so I could hurt him. I realize that this is part of the whole illness, I’m just glad that I can get some air to breathe for awhile and can focus on myself. I know my girls are hurting too though.
deedee-The SA really does not want to disclose all of their dirty laundry to anyone. They would rather protect themselves from anyone knowing what is really inside them, or what they have done.
My Ex objectified his daughter, his sister, my sister, his daughter-in-law and my son’s wife. He always said he was going to disclose to his daughter what he did, but he never was able to do so. Unless they are willing to make amends to everyone they ever hurt, they are not in recovery.
I don’t know your story, because I only read posts now and then, since my divorce is final, but take care of yourself 1st, and all else will fall into place.DeeDee, You are one strong woman and you love yourself. This is the best thing your daughters can see. They will get what you did for yourself a few years from now, they will be so impressed and they will become the strong women who love themselves that you want them to become. You are a precious princess. Keep that man away from yourself and enjoy your new found space – you will need it. Love, Penny
DeeDee, it tells you right there how sick he is. To accuse you of hurting your kids to hurt him. That is narcissism at it’s finest, right out of the SA playbook.
Thank you ladies. I read today how we should be the woman that we want our daughters to be. That was just what I needed. I stood by helpless as I watched my mom cry when I was small never knowing what was going on – I can only imagine. She didnt work so she couldn’t leave. I have always told myself “that will NEVER be me”, even though I was starting to slip into that trap. I love my mom to death, but I saw her struggle and that’s what’s made me who I am today. I feel for her that she’s had to sacrifice herself for me and my brothers. One day maybe I’ll hve the courage to tell her that.
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