- This topic has 7 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 13 years, 10 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
how many of us call the sa out when they say something that does not go along with recovery? i for one have gotten to the point that i do the moment i realize it. like when he says how hes so different now a good example is that he no longer thinks the same way, yet a few minutes before that he stated hes never did anything to her. when he said he no longer thinks like that i asked him has it been 11 months, 3 months, or more like this week. i dont seem to be able to not call him on everything lately
I call Steve on whenever he says or does something that does not go along with recovery. I get anger and passive-aggressive behavior in return. I also get the answer, “Well, I didn’t do it yesterday.” That is a classic one.
Katt, If by HER, you mean your daughter, in my opinion, there should be no discussion about when the last time he thought about acting out with her. It is totally out of the ballpark and, in my opinion, is your responsibility to protect your daughter and yourself no matter how hard it is to do that. I don’t want to say that…I know how hard the line is but some of these guys cross very definite moral lines and then legal lines. Maybe that is not what you are talking about. Forgive me, if I’m speaking wrongly. I’m glad you are speaking out. Now what decisions have you made to back up your speaking out? I have been very careful to have a plan in mind before I actually say certain things. Like last weekend mentioned that I don’t want to be having this conversation in ten years and I think we need more targeted therapy for this specific problem (carefully crafting my words… treading lightly but speaking my truth). He says later, “I don’t like to be given ultimatums.” He is hearing my words and responding to them but I’d better be sure that I mean what I say or it is a line drawn and rescinded.
Stillstanding said something about having her timeline for specific action in his part. I hear a lot of complaining about behavior and suffering through it but not the specific outline of our response to it. I am including myself in this dilemma. His moving from level 1 sex addict behavior to level 2 and not making a contingency plan is suicide. The frog in the water. We are all here. But we are all talking about what to do and when and how to do it. What are you talking about?
Sister talk,
Debora
deb my daughter called and was upset so i was to meet her latter. my partner asked why she was upset i said i didnt know, that brought up the topic of maybe she was putting thins together, last time i saw her i told her things were not going well between him and i and she asked if he cheated on me i told her yes he did. this was odd because she knew we had money issues and yet she asked if he cheated. since that time ive always wondered where this came from/ i told him at that time i told her that he cheated because she asked and i would not lie to her. thats where to conversation as to him saying her never did anything to her, and then saying how he use to think if someone didnt know what he did it hurt the person. he has just started a new job and this health care does cover the one sa councilor within 50 miles of here he has the name to call time will tell. i do know that i will not put up with anymore bs from him and if i do not see some sort of major change within the next few months he needs to move out i have told him this and i will end this. he did sign up for recovery nation personal coaching and paid the 500.00 to do this, that was 3 days ago. but it is up to him if hes going to apply himself to recovery
forgot to tell you why she was upset she ran short on making her bills this month. shes a wailress in a college town and its very slow since schools out. she said she feels like a failure when she needs to ask for help, why i have no idea. i tell her all the times id rather see them get it now when they could use it the most.
Hi all,
Based on my experience with my XSAH, its like a boat with alot of holes in it. You dont know which to plug first and when you do start plugging another one leaks. So on and so on and the boat just sinks and sinks. Now I reaalize he pushed me off the boat to save me….thank goodness!!!I called my husband on things every time. The only way I could forgive myself for my own choices in the past was to make a commitment NOT to repeat my mistakes of the past and not to live that way ever again. We may have all let what we thought were little comments and behaviors slide prior to discovery, things that weren’t big deals, but didn’t make sense….I know I did. I stopped doing that on d-day #1. We are three years out and the last time I can remember doing that was a year ago.
MarieLadies,
What does it help? I mean I call him out too, believe me. But take his lying in May, for example; he says I made him lie. Yes, I call him out and tell him he does not take responsibility for lying and that it hurts our trust rebuilding or whatever. What does it really help, but only to speak truth and reality, I guess, so at least we both aren’t self-deceived.
He doesn’t hear me anyway, but I will still do it.
I am having a hard day already. I am sad and crying. Life stinks. He is sober and it is still horrible. 20 years is a long time to be deceived. It hurts. B. Trayed
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.