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I feel like Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof when Motel the tailor stands up to him, and Tevye scratches his beard and thinks… “you know, he is starting to sound like a man.” lol
I was thinking and hoping that my h would come to our defense and then, I figured that I would leave it in God’s hands.
Well, lo and behold, he did it. I went out to see a client and when I came back, the email was waiting for me.
Now, as wonderful as this is, it in no way reflects any change in my decision to end this marriage. The only thing it affects is that he gets to live for another week and come over for dinner tomorrow. (he’s bringing it!)
Please, however, enjoy his beautiful, classy, most gentlemanly email. (some names changed to protect the innocent and the not-so-innocent.)
It brought tears to my tired eyes and was a welcome respite from the intense amount of pain i’ve been feeling for months.
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“Dear narc director,
I don’t care what the specifics of who said what to whom yesterday are. What I care about is that our boys have a special relationship and a friendship that has stood the test of time for longer than any other friendship in Aaron’s history (I don’t know enough about narcson’s history), and that’s something that’s a cause for celebration.
What I gather from the events of yesterday is that that friendship is not the most important thing to you; what’s important is that things go a certain way (conference call or whatever that was) and that your personal feelings about Aaron must get out in a way that everyone can hear, regardless of the fallout afterwards. Yes, you may not like him, which I can accept; yes, maybe he wasn’t supposed to be there (he had an arrangement with Narcson, so where was he supposed to be?); yes, maybe he was loud or disruptive (I’m imagining – I don’t really know if he was); but don’t you think things could have been handled in a different way – a private conversation with Narcson perhaps? A private conversation even with Aaron? I’m sure one or both of those would have had a more constructive outcome.
My first question after I heard about all this is “what about their friendship?” And I’m very heartened to hear that it still appears solid because you and I and everyone else knows that in the end, Narcson’s and Aaron’s relationships with other people will determine their success in life. And I don’t mean monetary success; I mean level of contentment, integration into a community, and so on.
So I will ask you, in no uncertain terms, that in the future, if something like this comes up again, see if you can keep Narcson’s and Aaron’s friendship as the number one consideration, regardless of your feelings about Aaron. See what you can do to teach them a [quiet] lesson in social interaction. I’m positive that everyone will like you and appreciate you more for that.
Also, A sincere apology to my wife for upsetting her so badly at a time when she’s under great stress will be very appreciated by both of us.
Sincerely,
Finallygrowingsomeballs.
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SEEEEEEEEEEEEE??? He speaks the queen’s fucking English and should be working for the United Nations!!! and yet… He couldn’t do what was “expected” of him. quite extraordinary. But, I’ll take whatever measure of goodness I can get from him and leave the rest to the Universe.
Oh, anyone taking any bets about an answer from narc director?
my wager that he’ll even respond is:
-.001%
narcs are NEVER wrong. 🙁
love to all!
L
Wow.. Impressive letter from hubby! That director sounds like a major donkey dick. For some reason I picture him as Herman Munster having one of his tantrums. xoxo
lexie your h wrote a great letter. its when they do things like that that makes all this so hard. i find i get these moments when he does the right thing and i start to question why can he, and why cant he.
Lexie, nice letter however it took you kicking him out to defend his wife, he should have been there all along. Just don’t want you to put too much into it so he weasles back into the basement.
Love, NapMy h is really good at defending me against OTHER people–finding others abusive and at fault–while failing miserably to show me the type of kindness and respect he expects me to get from them. It’s almost as though he reserves the sole right to mistreat me. But I know it’s really just that he’s so oblivious to his own faults, he doesn’t see the ways he is abusive. I’m glad Narcdirector got what’s-what, but I’d be more impressed with the letter writer if he could turn that same focus on himself.
I find my husband’s supportive and caring behaviour has only increased dramatically since we separated. I think he is able to handle the “one of’s” in life, but not the day to day caring. The pressure’s too great for 24/7, but on a less frequent basis, he can beat the narcissism. It always makes me cry when he does, but I never fool myself into thinking it can last. It can’t.
that’s just it.
They can’t “sustain it.” (the good stuff)
There’s no consistency.
He couldn’t do “what was expected of him.”
(don’t you just love that one?)
Reality. He doesn’t live up to his OWN expectations.
Narcissism is not really self-love, its self-loathing, and unfortunately it infects everything and everyone they touch, in a negative way.
In Narcdirector’s case, its a whole lot more than that. And all of the talent and money in the world, can’t fix him.
Of course, he hasn’t replied to hubbie’s email.
and he never will.
for he believes with all of his heartless and soulless that he didn’t do anything wrong, so there’s nothing to apologize for.
Some things ARE predictable.
Merry, Happy, Healthy to ALL!!!
Love,
Laurel
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