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I have no ill feelings for the prostitutes. My husband gets all my anger over this. At one point I wanted to burst into a massage parlor and slam open the doors and take photos, but it was targetting the men in there, not the women. I truly wanted these men to get scared to death that their secret life was exposed.
I have never been able to work up an ounce of anger at the hookers. I guess I should but I can’t. They did not hurt me. My husband did.
I have no sympathy for the whores. There is so much out reach/charities and positive choices they can make. How about simply walking into a police station, hospital or fire station and say I am being abused and need help.
I have no sympathy!!! They are destroying lives, their lives, contributing to the destruction of the addicts lives.
Bar tenders can be charged and held accountable for serving a drunk. Whores need to be charged and held accountable for servicing an addict. We as a society are far to lenient on prostitution.
Remember, a man needs a great deal of self hate to use a whore and a whore has a lot of self hate to be a whore.
No one who values themselves as a child of god (ie self respect) would be engaged in this sick behavior.I am so so sorry you and the rest of us have been so damaged.
I have prayed to god that each time a man uses a whore his dick shrinks by an inch each time. So far my prayers have fallen on def ears 🙁
CarrieEllen – I understand your stance and know why you feel that way but honestly, I have more sympathy for them than I do for my H. They are just trying to make a living (do I agree with it, hell no). Can they get help and work elsewhere? In most cases, yes. My h’s current fuck buddy (at least I’m making the educated guess they are still fooling around) is clearly manipulating him for money. However, it is MY husband who is seeking that out and allowing himself to be manipulated for a blow job. HE is the one who needs to have the control to not be in that situation in the first place. If there were no men wanting services from prostitutes, there would be no prostitution.
Really. You have NO IDEA of the circumstances of women who sell their bodies in most parts of the world. In India, they keep them in cages. I don’t doubt in the Western world there are women who hook for a wide variety of reasons ,BUT at the end of the day, they don’t seek the men out. Quite the other way around, my dear? As to servicing addicts…maybe they have a hooking addiction and that is their excuse. Why not? We have a f–king label to let EVERYONE off the hook in this part of the modern world. At least in the developing world they call it what it is- misogyny and patriarchal crap.
I know many of the “sugarbabies” dr evil went to had kids to raise (many were also single moms, but not all). What else can a young mother do and make $400 per hour? Heck that is more than my attorney makes! I don’t condone it, but I can see the attraction of making $400 vs. $10- $20 per hour and being able to have enough energy at the end of the day to parent.
I suppose the way the hooker looks at it is, if the guy is coming to her, the marriage is already broken or HE is already broken. I can’t disagree with this. Frankly, I have a harder time understanding women who are NOT hookers, pursuing and engaging in relationships with other people’s husbands? Anyway, I am completely with Nap on this. ALL these people are well suited and deserve each other. They are ALL pathetic.
I do not agree that is a bartenders job to weed out the alcoholics. I could be a full blown alcoholic and the first bar I walk into wouldn’t have a clue. It’s my fault.
These hookers are a fact of life. I cannot rid the world of prostitutes. I did not have to marry a guy that frequents them.
Bev Honey….had you KNOWN he frequented hookers, you WOULDN’T of married him? Still, I agree. I have big issue with hookers. I don’t understand it and I don’t agree with it, BUT I didn’t marry a hooker. I married my husband.
I don’t have a big issue with hookers, I mean. I should. At least 100 shared my bed with me, with them sometimes vacating in the morning and me laying my head down on it that same night. Christ. How sad is that?
I would have NEVER married a guy that did this stuff if I had known. I blame him. I don’t blame any hooker, other woman, stripper, porn star or addiction. I blame him.
He is a middle aged grown man. He is successful in all areas of his life. He managed to drunk google “backpages”, find a hooker, have sex and drive home while our marriage and family was in shambles. He never managed to google “help”. I cannot blame the hooker…..
Agree 100% Bev & Karen. CarrieEllen – you heard your husband having sex with his prostitute on the phone…did she put a gun to his head to have sex with her? No. You call it “self-hatred” – I think you’re being way too easy on him. Having sex is pleasurable – what is hateful about that? We get so caught up in trying to figure these guys out (I do too) and we tend to overlook that they are enjoying themselves. They aren’t addicted to banging their head against the wall, are they? No, they are addicted to putting their dick in someone. Sorry for being so blunt but this is where I’m at today. Tired of making excuses for these home-wreckers (our h’s, that is).
I don’t know Karen. I wish I could tell you for sure but I can’t. I spend half my time planning a divorce and the other half thinking I might could make this work. I go back and forth 20 times a day. ….
Bev – you sound just like where I was for months. I seriously thought I was losing my mind. The only way to stop the wavering/going back and forth in my mind was to make steps to move forward. And for me, that first meant telling my family (yours already knows so you’ve already taken that step) and then getting him to move out. I think separation is the only way you can start to think more clearly and I think you’ll be getting that soon, right? When you take the kids to your parents.
I think – and maybe other sisters can weigh in on this – that you can live in that limbo for a long time and then one day – it just hits you and you know what path you want to take. It’s not easy whatever path you go and there is some wavering but at the core, you know what you want to do.
Oh, I know what I want to do. I just haven’t done it. If it were just me then I probably would have never been on this site or any other site. …
I have my moments where I want it to work or I think it might. I know deep down that even if I pull this off and make it work that I will be paying a high price.
I am not a heartless bitch. I come across that way at times and my friends would tell you that I certainly can be. I do have feelings and I do grieve what I thought was real.
As of this moment, he has been perfectly wonderful. That is a year plus of towing the proverbial line. I am still so shattered by the whole thing that it is just plain easier to let him help me right now. It’s just easier pure and simple. That won’t last forever and I know it.
I am holding what I have right now because my kids are that age that all therapists warn you is the worst for divorce and any sexual stuff. I have lived with him for 20 plus years so I can take some time to do what is right for me at my own pace because he is working with me at this time.
I also feel an obligation to my children to help their father all I can. I don’t mean monitor or police or worry what he is up to or anything like that. He is honestly a person without a persona. I don’t know if that makes any sense but he is struggling to even figure out who he is. I am not very interested in who he is because I feel like I already know. I also feel that if he has a snowball’s chance in hell of becoming a better person then I owe that to my kids. I am the one that brought them into this world so it is my responsibility to put them first. I may be screwing up royally but I am doing the best I can at this time.
Bev, You are doing the best you can do at this time. That’s s such a good and loving thing to say to yourself and it’s true.
Feeling Conflicted, I am so impressed and happy with how far you’ve come.
RE: the initial post, I think some of the prostitutes would get off on hearing what they did with your husband pained you. They don’t think or feel the way we do. They are sick just like the husbands are. Sick. Sick. Sick. Stay away from both and get your life back.My Xh went so far to move joint assets behind my back, purchase a small house, furnish it, buy a motorcycle, and for what reason? He was having prostitutes come there for sex (‘in calls’). I quess he was tired of ‘out calls’. This was about a year before discovery day. $150k and he didn’t even blink an eye. That doesn’t include the price of the prostitutes. Do you see why I dislike him so much????
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