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I am opening this particular ‘sticky’ issue to allow all of you to make the final choice. Although this is a site for women, I have had a man contact me who is married to a Sexually Addicted woman. He would like to benefit from the support here, but knows this is a site for women. He is sending me his story so that I can review it.
How do all of you feel about having a man on this site who is dealing with the very same issues that we are?
Hm, that’s a tough one….I’d hate for anyone who needs help to not get it…but this is “sisterhood” and men and women are wired differently..maybe the decision depends on his story.
I think it would get complicated to add men…he maybe sincere but others may not…would be messy and I think they should have a different website…although I do feel for his suffering…
I am interested to hear his story. I wouldnt want men to access all the gory details that I only want to share with you women. It is so weird but for instance today at the CVS I needed yeast infection medicine. Two different cashiers a man and woman. I went to the woman lol. NO WAY I would go to the man. He wouldn’t understand. Maybe they could just have limited access but I am pretty retarded on issues so really don’t listen to me lol =}
You know, I am kind of leaning the same way. This man said he had been on the married site and learned a lot and that his pain was the same as ours. He wanted to know if there was a site for men similar to this–of course there is not. He said he respected the fact that this was a ‘woman only’ site but thought that he could also benefit from the information and support.
My gut still says ‘no men’, but I’ll let the majority here rule.
Hi JoAnn- I am sure I am in the minority, but don’t see a problem in letting a man who is married to an SA tell his story. A different perspective, but he is suffering the same trauma as we are. I think that would be much different than allowing SA’s on the site who don’t have a clue or insight into what we are going through, and would probably to savor the opportunities to project all of they’re problems onto us.
Barbara Steffens, in her book “Your Sexually Addicted Spouse, does have a section at the end of her book where SA’s testify as to the damage they have done to the spouse.
I found it very interesting, but it would be difficult to weed out the “sickos” from those in recovery who have developed the insight and empathy to feel those emotions. My SA, just this week, was journaling and broke down and cried. He said it is just now hitting him all the damage he has done to me and our relationship. About friggen time!No men. Sorry but there are plenty of support groups out there. If there isn’t one, maybe he can do the hard work to create one. I’d post more but honestly I wouldn’t trust him. He comes on a women only site and expects that we’ll let him in? Not. Boundaries, please.
Thanks for the input. My gut is that I have worked very hard to develop a safe place for ‘women’ and that is what I want this to be. Yes, I understand his situation, but, I also feel sorry for all the strays at the dog pound, but I can’t bring them all home.
I will stick with my original purpose without apology.
I will continue to enforce our ‘women only’ rule here. The man who contacted me has gracefully withdrawn his request to be a part of this site. He wrote and said he has been in contact with Barbara Steffens for support and will continue to read the main site for direction.
Don’t hesitate to continue this discussion here under this topic as I’m sure the subject will come up again.
I feel bad for him if he is indeed genuine as there is far more help and company for wives of sex addicts, and hope he finds the support he’s looking for elsewhere, but honestly I am really glad you decided to keep this site for women only. It just feels safer and more comfortable that way. Thanks.
I am glad you are keeping the sisterhood as a safe haven purely for sisters.
However, I do have a question.
How can you be sure that whoever applies to be a member here is actually female? I know that many men pose as women in chatrooms to get their kicks…my husband included.Hope that question wasn’t out of order!
No, your question certainly was not out of order. While the membership is free there is always a chance that some man will subscribe. There is no way I can possibly check everyone.
That’s why I am going to a membership fee. That does a pretty good job of keeping the freebie riff raff out. There is still a chance that a man could pay to subscribe, but why? This is not a site to hook up with anyone, so I feel that the chances are pretty slim.
If we see any posts that are suspicious I can block someone out with just the click of my mouse.
Yes, I suppose you’re right, once a Membership fee will be charged only genuine people are likely to join.
I have another question right there. When are the Membership fees coming into force? I am in Germany and I am not sure how I will be able to pay that fee each month since I don’t have a Pay-Pal account, because of the bad publicity I heard about it and I don’t own a credit card either 🙁The membership, which will probably start in a month or so, will be run through PayPal, which I can assure you is extremely secure. I will be thinking about ways to work it out for people who choose to pay in other ways.
There will also be discounts for people who choose to pay for 6 months (1 month free) or 12 months (2 months free) at a time.
I’m sure we can work something out.
Where in Germany are you? My daughter works for Bosch Rexroth in Lohr. She is on her second 3 year contract for them. She worked over there for three years, came back to the states in 2005, then her and her fiance went back to Lohr in 2008. She will come back to the states in 2012.
I have visited Germany twice and plan to go back this summer, and I absolutely love it. What a beautiful country with so much history.
Thank you for your quick reply JoAnn 🙂 I just had to look whereabouts Lohr is. I never heard of it and never been but I am sure it’s beautiful in and around that area.
I am just outside Hamburg. I am German, was actually born in Flensburg, which is the last town before the border to Denmark. I met an English guy over here in when I was 17, moved to the UK a year later (1976) and lived there for 25 years. I came back to Germany in 2001, after my mum suffered a severe stroke so I could help caring for her. Sadly she passed away in September 2006.
My children still live in the UK, my daughter lives in Buckinghamshire and works for Miele and my son lives in Grimsby. I also have 2 grandchildren, one of whom I have only seen on photographs up to now.
I will be moving back to the UK as soon as possible.Hey, maybe I can transfer the money to your daughters account and she can pass it on to you? Something like that would be awesome, or maybe I can send it via registered mail to you? That’s what I used to do with things I bought from Ebay outside of Germany.
The discount idea is great too. I have been active as a moderator for a virtual self-help group for partners of SA’s here in Germany and there was a yearly fee to be paid too.
I think many people don’t realise the costs involved of keeping a website up and running.
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