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I went and saw my counselor yesterday. I have been mad ever since. All has been quiet in my marriage. I have been some what happy. Back to normal…(LOL). I guess driving to the counselors I was thinking how my life was going along great.. way back then we had our child, we just got married life was good then WHAM it was like someone flipped the world upside down. It’s the same feeling everytime. We go on for years in our happy little world and then for whatever reason he has gotta screw it up. Maybe it’s weird that I dont mind him looking at porn but I do mind the lying and deceptive behavior. I feel so much for him then he does something like use my birthdate when he signed up on adult fuck finder (excuse me but thats what it is) it makes me think he is a cold hearted sneaky son of a bitch. I know it is his addiction. I am angry today and I am at work obsessing. My counselor says I need to stop monitoring him HELL NO I can not deal with that. I don’t like things going on behind my back makes me feel stupid. I dont even know what I am trying to express today. I am just pissed that I even have to worry about this crap and that he messed with our life once again.
The Fucker. They never change. They may go dormant for awhile, but that shit’s ALWAYS lurking under the surface. Ready to spring back to life and destroy any last thing still left alive in the relationship.
liza thank you that made me laugh!! It is true all of the episodes lead to destruction of what is still good.
I`m lost…If you don`t mind him looking at porn ( and that is your choice) then why are you monitoring him?
Why does he lie about it, if you don’t mind that he does it?
Hell that’s kind of a stupid question…my STBX lies about everything whether it matters or not. What is wrong with them?
Sorry, katmandew, its awful to feel like you are being humiliated. No wonder you are angry.
I dont mind him looking at porn once and awhile. I guess for me it doesn’t make me feel jealous or like anything is wrong with me. For whatever reason when I was younger I was extremely insecure about “my guy” looking at other women, looking at magazines any of that. I was jealous and insecure. One day it just stopped bothering me. Honestly I have watched it to spice things up in more than one relationship. I never thought it was abnormal. But the crazy stuff is out. I can not be anything but honest with you even if I may seem like a ho to some people. Teri you ask why he lies about it? Exactly!! I cant figure that out so it leads me to the sad reality that he was probaly looking to hook up with someone. I monitor him because he has a history of cheating, back 20 years ago it was strippers and (yikes) one of my so called friends. That has stopped for many years. Signing up on dating sites or Friends with Benefits sites alarms me. Is he looking for something or someone? Somehow it is in my head that if I catch him cheating or chatting with other woman that will be the end for me. At least thats what I think now but I don’t really know until I cross that bridge. Thank you so much for the feedback ladies…it really has helped me a lot.
Porn has never made me jealous. Being replaced by porn ( or anything else) makes me feel single. I certainly do not think you are a “ho”. I just think your therapist may have a valid point. If he knows you are monitoring and he knows you don`t mind porn, then he is obviously signing up for these “find a friend” sites to rattle you. I would also guess that if you were viewing a collection of wildly huge penises and signing up for BIGCOCKS.COM that your H might not be so understanding….In fact, he might begin feeling inadequate….even more than he already does since he must resort to “smut finders” to find a friend. I hope he is in therapy too. IMO, you need to listen to your therapist ( only when you are ready).
Kat, that may have come off mean and I didn`t mean it that way…
You titled your post “I hate Rollercoasters”…I just want you to stop getting on the ride if you hate it. Hope that makes more sense. I am on your side and hoping for your happiness.
bev…no it did not come off mean. I appreciate any and all comments. I truly do. I agree replacing me with porn would make me feel lonely. There is a lil confusion here. I wasn’t monitoring him or checking up on him for years. I let go and relaxed thinking all was well. A few months ago I got a funny feeling and discovered he had been on the friend finder site for 2 years. Right under my nose.That’s when I installed the watcher software. H thinks that I am good at finding things in the computer. I dont think he suspects that I am recording his every move. Oh yeah if I was on bigcocks.com he would feel like shit no doubt. I know that this is about his insecurities, inadequate feelings, boredom, unhappiness with life…whatever. He is the first one to tell me that it’s not me, it’s nothing I’ve done or didn’t do. That I am a great wife and his bestfriend. He treats me great but then there is this side of him. He will not go to counseling. We tried once ( 20 years ago) and he survived 15 minutes and walked out. I thought I was off the ride it had been so long. Now I am afraid again about what could happen..cheating. I am hoping for everyones happiness too this is really a tough thing to go through.
If he was on for 2 years before you started monitoring then he’s not just doing it to rile you. Trust you gut, katmandew, but I kinda think where there is smoke there is fire. And he has a history. I hope I am wrong, but I can understand why you worry. In fact, since he has cheated on you in the past, you have every right to demand that he stay away from all of that stuff, I don’t care how long ago it was, IMO. Few people change without real effort, usually in therapy.
Now I get it ( I am slow at times..duh?). I don`t blame you for monitoring and I agree with Teri. Trust your gut and keep alert.
You are right Teri. My counselor and I talk about the fact that he will probaly screw up again and I will probaly catch him sooner or later. Something I am trying to remember so I wont be so thrown for a loop. I think he tries to control it for awhile then gets weak or arrogant.? I have made it clear to H that there are boundary lines and he better not cross them again as I really dont think I’ll be able to continue being in a relationship with him. But who knows I’ve stayed before.
Oh and you ladies are awesome!! I have found a sense of peace just knowing you are here. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!
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