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Nothing new here and I do not mean to disparage anyone’s husband that is trying or any sister that is trying to make it work. I just sometimes need to say that I hate them all.
This is my safe place to be ugly, mean spirited, vindictive, and generally pissed off.
I am at my parent’s house and I have the kids and we are headed to the beach on Saturday. I have so much to be thankful for and I hate it when I get that angry ( or whatever you want to call it) feeling.
I read of all the heartbreak and trauma and of course I feel every ounce of my own pain and disappointment. I just needed to say that I hate them all. I think it was Lynn that asked “how can a grown man throw so much away over his dick?”……..I paraphrased but in essence I guess that is my way of “unraveling the skein of fuckedupedness”. Good ole Chump lady 🙂
Maybe tomorrow I can come up with something more positive 🙂
I love you all very much and I appreciate each and every one of you.
We love you too, Magnolia. Your post is timely since I just now read an email from my SA. Talking about how depressed he is, remembering holidays, missing me, missing my family, hating how he threw everything away.. And I just feel..nothing. scares me. xoxo
It’s just crazy making stuff Annie. I suppose that Liza quoted it best ( along with Rhett Butler’s help)….
I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken – and I’d rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived. ”
― Margaret Mitchell“I loved something I made up, something that’s just as dead as Melly is. I made a pretty suit of clothes and fell in love with it. And when Ashley came riding along, so handsome, so different, I put that suit on him and made him wear it whether it fitted him or not. And I wouldn’t see what he really was. I kept on loving the pretty clothes-and not him at all. ”
― Margaret Mitchell, Gone with the WindGotta give Scarlett some credit. 🙂
I forgive Mr. Butler since he was actually faithful to Scarlett while they were married 🙂
She did better than me !!
So…”I don’t know nothin’ ’bout birthin’ no babies”…
but I’ve thought an awful lot about anger–my anger, yours, other people’s anger at my anger
and I’ve decided that some of it you do have to eventually lay down if you are going to stay sane, and it’s anger that about stuff nobody likes to have to face,
but there’s also anger that I’m beginning to think we need to remember and honour—the righteous anger that isn’t angry because life isn’t working out as expected, but rather is angry because others have been careless with the value of a human life and harmed it needlessly and undeservedly.Gotta give Bev some credit too.
hugs tonight. A big long hug that’s long enough for you to know I feel your whole presence in this world.
D.xoYou are so right Diane. That is precisely the anger I was feeling. I feel your hug and I feel all snuggly tucked into bed, Safe and sound and knowing that my presence in this world counts and no one has the right to be careless with a human life. You are indeed our Godess and I honor your anger along with all of ours.
It’s okay you “don’t know nothin’ about birthing no babies..”. You know plenty about nurturing the human spirit.
Diane, I just love you! And Bev, I had such anger when I was out at Minwalla’s. I really let it rip one day. I felt it so acutely for every woman in that room and for my self now and 13 yrs ago. I wasn’t able to say it as succinctly as Diane just did but that was the gist of what I was feeling.
“the righteous anger that isn’t angry because life isn’t working out as expected, but rather is angry because others have been careless with the value of a human life and harmed it needlessly and undeservedly.”
Thank you Diane for putting into words what I tried to say at Minwalla’s. That is my anger in a nutshell! (Ok a BIG nutshell)
Bev, I know exactly how you feel. And Diane, well said!! I can’t help but to feel this general anger towards men. I think this issue is a symptom of an overall problem with our world. Men have been and are brutish, greedy, entitled, etc and it shows up in the way our governments are run, the banking and corporate industries, the way we care for the sick, the way our children are educated, and the way women are treated. Somehow sex is a part of all of this. Before dday I lived in my own private hell but now I see the big picture and it makes me angry. Every time I see a new sister I am appalled and saddened all over again. How have they gotten away with this for so long? I think by being a part of this community we are trying to heal ourselves, each other and hopefully the world but it seems like an uphill battle. A “Gone with the Wind” quote would be good now but I don’t know any!! I have to watch it again. Sorry to be such a downer this morning.
Bev great forum. As the quote says I too think it’s forever broken. So broken it really can not be repaired to a state where we can live ‘happily ever after’. It’s very difficult to live somewhere or something which is so damaged. Its never the same, it’s forever changed, and it’s so fragile it can easily break again.
Nap – I’ve been reading about the Japanese art of Kintsugi… “It is a practice in Japan where they mend cracked or broken ceramics with gold, rendering the piece even more beautiful than it started out. The idea behind it is not to hide the ugliness and brokenness but instead to use gold to make it shine; to illuminate and expose the damage. And at the end of the process the piece is even more beautiful having been broken.”
I can’t somehow bring this to apply to our marriages – no matter how hard I try – but perhaps it will apply to us if we focus on our own healing and our own hearts rather than the SA.
I think we are right to be angry – and concur wholeheartedly with the righteous anger vs the not fair resentment anger that our SAH’s seem to display. I also think that at some point we have to find a way of forgiving and moving forward – that doesn’t mean reconciliation but certainly means I’m going to stop drinking the poison and expecting him to die – that anger no longer serves me! A ramble sorry!Thanks Jos. I was referring to our marriages. I do think we can move on too in whatever way works for each of us. Just so we continue to live and enjoy our lives and not let it pass us by.
That’s really interesting Jos. I think the reason it doesn’t seem to apply to our marriages is because in the case of our marriages, the broken vessel keeps picking up a hammer and breaking itself and us all over again. 🙁
Donna, don’t apologize for being a downer!! After all, I did start a topic entitled “I hate them all” 🙂
I am guessing you are angry and with very good reason. I wouldn’t waste the energy being angry at the world or men in general. Use the anger and place it squarely where it belongs.
Most of us spend a lot of time being “angry” with ourselves too. We talk a lot about forgiving the SA …. maybe we should forgive ourselves first?
Here’s your quote: ““it was better to know the worst than to wonder.”
― Margaret Mitchell, Gone with the WindHang in there Donna. Direct your anger correctly. You’re going to be okay 🙂
As we discuss anger then I have to admit that I am angry that he goes on living and breathing and having a life. It’s not helpful to hold that anger but it’s honest.
Before the kids came to me at my parent’s house, they went to Disney with dad and Daytona beach. They returned to Memphis and went to a baseball game ( redbirds Triple A team in Memphis) with dad and his whole family. I was really angry.
His mother and sister and brother have all reached out to me and have been nothing but supportive of me but part of me wanted them to scream and yell at him and tell him he was a piece of shit.etc….
All I had in my head was that he screwed hookers and there he was enjoying his children and family like everything was just fine. That is the kind of anger that is harmful. It’s honest but it is harmful and it is made of the poison that Jos speaks of. That is the poison that none of us should drink.
Bev, thanks, that was really good advise. Don’t know why I missed that. And, your quote is perfect!!
i hate them all too bev. it’s just so mind boggling, and there is no where to put it. that anger. the injustice. the stupidity. it will never be fair and they can never make up for it. and it seems their brains are just incapable of comprehending. ever. so they are forever blissfully unaware of what they have done to us and their children.
and jos is right. i’m not drinking the poison, but i haven’t put it down yet either.
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