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Sorry, but I KNOW this has to be something that is common to many of these guys. Once you do something, it’s like that’s the new rule. My kids did that when they were little, but they figured out pretty quickly that just bc you get to do something once (like stay up really late on a weekend for a special occasion) that does not mean you get to do it every single fucking time.
But not dr e. He had the calendar labeled wrong a few weeks back for visitation. He had visitation labeled for a day that was not a visitation day. I asked my attorney how to handle it. Bc we were in the middle of mediation and bc he doesn’t really understand, he said to ask Bat to go that day anyway. Well, Bat was exhausted and no way in hell was he going, so I checked back with attorney and he said to basically tell dr e that I was okay with visitation on a non-visitation day, but Bat was just too tired.
So now….the new rule! dr e asks for visitation every weekend that is not his! And texts and emails me repeatedly about it.
So I am set up to be the bad guy if I say no, and I am putting Bat in the middle or putting him in the driver’s seat or whatever if he says no. I mean, it would be one thing if Bat wanted more visitation with his father- but Bat is pretty adamant about not going and having some weekends off.
KMN and put me out of my misery, please.
He thinks he’s made a precedent? What a child that man is. I’m so sorry. Teri, I can only imagine trying to maintain boundaries with him is like trying to hold back a tsunami with a flyswatter.
Teri,
I would respond by sending him a copy of the visitation schedule and explain to him that you and Bat have plans on your on your scheduled weekends.
While you have been willing to work with him by rescheduling a few weekends, he needs to comply with the established schedule which gives him plenty of time to arrange his schedule and visitations around those times. The constant requests for additional or different times is interfering with you scheduled plans.
Put the responsibility back in his lap. You are no longer the bad guy. This will take Bat out of it.
dr. e – what an asshole!!!
I would just tell him that Bat dreads visitation the way most people dread root canals.
I would seriously inform him that IF he hasn’t observed first hand how Bat feels about visitation then I just can’t help him…
I would also put it back in his lap. Forcefully. Now that you know he isn’t giving you a penny extra, why do you have to continue to be reasonable with him? You have a visitation schedule in place. How can you go wrong if you just follow that? Also, don’t you have the right to have plans on the weekends he doesn’t have him? Just say you are both busy.
Teri,
Have your lawyer write his lawyer a letter not to ask for visitation on a non visitation weekend. You and Bat have scheduled plans and it’s just NOT possible.Thanks, guys. He is a total asshole. Lynn, you are right about trying to maintain boundaries. My kids hate that- they say he just never knows when to quit.
Saw this article this morning, and it made me think of dr e:
http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2014/03/12/289619146/new-jersey-judge-rules-women-can-keep-fathers-out-of-delivery-room?utm_medium=facebook&utm_source=npr&utm_campaign=nprnews&utm_content=03122014What NAP said. You know about all the bullshit I am dealing with around Kellys wedding. I spoke with my therapist. She said do not even engage him in any kind of talk…not even text. Bc these guys hook us in and we end up involved in all the fuckupedness. Every bit of communication from now on should go through the lawyer. Let him try to manipulate them instead of you. My guess…he will not get the thrill of manipulating you any more, and he will back off. ( i hope at least)
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