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I spent all last night going over every detail of my wedding day trying desperately to figure out WHY I didn`t see anything wrong. I cannot believe that I actually married this man. Now, 19 years ( together for 24) has been erased. How do all of you deal with anniversaries? I am struggling today and just hope to make it thru. Help!!!
I feel like puking. Is it too early to drink? Would a jury aquit me if I kill him? Will my kids think I am crazy if I burn my wedding album and dress?
Maybe I should just file for divorce…then it would be a different anniversary??
Rantings from the Patio 🙂
BevWe know this pain, know how it feels to look at the wedding pictures–at that young woman with her eyes full of love and hope for the future. It is devastating. You didn’t marry the man you’re living with. You married someone he conjured up to fool you. It is a bitter, bitter potion, so of course you feel like puking. I did throw out the pictures. They were unbearable. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Maybe a shopping spree would help?
I’m so sorry. Who knew when we married this day would bring us such heartache and mockery??!!! My 6th anniv is in 11 days….hmmmm
Remember it’s 5 o’clock somewhere 🙂
bev I hate big dates, but it’s just a day like any other. You should go do something you have never done before. Something fun and exciting. Create a new anniversary. Call up and go to a spa. Treat yourself to something new. Get your toes done and post the pic. SL always has cute toes.
And I like the idea of burning the wedding dress. Maybe at the next retreat? I was going to have mine made into a baptism gown for grandkids, but now it think not. Especially because I think I can get an anullment!
I like the spa idea.
Hang in there, Bev. Distract yourself or sit and wallow in self-pity and drown your sorrows- both are totally understandable. Keep us posted, and you can call me anytime. 936-273-6277 or 936-520-7431. Of course, our conversation will probably be bugged! 🙂
I wrote four letter words in red and black sharpie all over my wedding cake topper for Valentines.
Keep the wedding photos for your kids or grandkids, though. I love having my mom and dad’s even though they had a terrible marriage. They are some of the few photos where my mom is smiling. Just put them away somewhere you don’t’ have to see them and give them to the kids when they have their own homes.
I’ll be thinking about you today.
Long ago we had a thread that included the more destructive moments we have enjoyed as therapy. I’m wondering Bev if you need to find something you can smash with a hammer (safety goggles please)—preferably a wedding gift, or something from his mother maybe? I find it really makes me feel better. Don’t get carried away and hurt yourself, though! Some people like to cut things—like night gowns or wedding dresses. You know the drill. Just don’t lose control. Scissors are very sharp.
I wrote a poem about my wedding dress the day
after I hurled the pretty keepsake box it was packed in into the back of a Salvation Army truck. The man that wrote me the reciept said “Is that your wedding dress?”. I said it sure was, I was married for 25 yrs and I found out he’d been cheating on me for all of them, with prostitutes”. He said, ” that’s bad, that’s really bad”. And it was. The poem is called ‘Ode to the Dress’. It helped to release my pain at the time.
Love, NapThe only thing I threw out so far has been my H on March 10th. That brought more peace and comfort than any material possession I could have destroyed.
Bev – its shit. its absolutely fucking shit.
Last year was our first wedding anniversary apart and my husband took me out for dinner and we ended up having an absolutely blazing row and I just wanted to kill the fucker.
We’re coming up for our second wedding anniversary apart. I’m dreading it.
I lvoe the ideas of going out – pampering yourself etc etc – going shopping but it doesnt take the crap out of your head or the breaks in your heart does it?
I dont know what the answer is. I would like some sort of time machine and whatever it was that made me say yes – I wish I could say I’m sorry I’m going shopping and getting my toe nails painted. (but for my son…)But – we gotta keep going – SL has shown there’s light out there somewhere – keep walking to the light – and hope to god it aint the headlights of an oncoming train…
I love you all very much sight unseen:)
I need to make it thru til school is out (end of May) and get him out of my life. I have no clue what to tell the kids or how to explain this to friends and family. I just know that I cannot do this anymore. He does not love me and never did. he is not capable of love. He is a sick person and somehow I got sucked into it. It makes me sad beyond words but it is true.
How crazy can one person get??
Do not answer that!!Nap, I would love to read your poem if you feel like sharing. The dress does deserve a send off but I am no poet. I think the destroying therapy is better for me 🙂
Teri, Don`t be surprised if I actually call!! I will give the snoopy SOB something to record:)
Thanks to all of you for more than I can say or repay,
Bev
For-Now,
it is 11:44 my time. I plan on sneaking away from my injured son, getting us some lunch, going by the Coach/Kate Spade store and buying at least 2 new purses, and (drumroll) stopping by the liquor store and buying my very own bottle. Plan to be shit faced drunk by 5:00:)No worries ladies, I won`t be driving after my liquor store purchase !
Tomorrow I may need hangover cures:)
Bev I’ll look for it I posted it on the sight back
in July or so, when I find it I’ll reprint it. So sorry you are having to deal with all of this.Love, Nap
Bev,
That sounds like the way to do it. Do you have a friend who can come over and hang with you that knows what’s going on?
I’m so paranoid, I’m projecting my situation on to you now! I’m just thinking about how mine would probably tape me if I got drunk to try to make me look bad and worrying about the same happening to you. Hope yours wouldn’t do such a thing.
You aren’t supposed to go to dinner or anything with him tonight, are you?
My Dearest Bev,,,I am sorry you are hurting,,I can feel your pain and agony,,,even with you trying to put some twist on it,,,the only thing that all of us should do is to throw those SOB,Ahole out on the street with those prostitutes to give them company,,,they dont deserve to be fathers and dont deserve to be our husbands,,,so just sit down today and contemplate a plan on how you are going to throw him out,,
i will keep you in my prayers
love and million hugs to youHarmony, You are probably the sweetest person I know (virtual or real). Thank you sweetie…We should probably get together and mix your subliminal sweetness with my bitch and we would have the perfect woman:)
Teri, He may very well be recording me ( I don`t think he is but I have been wrong before..) Any way, I told him straight up on the phone that I planned on getting plastered ( I`m a great drunk… I do not get mad, angry, or confrontational.). If he is recording anything then good luck to him. I am doing nothing illegal and I am not dragging my kids into it. On the other hand, I have very damaging evidence on him. If he wants to play that game then I win.
So stinking sad. I never wanted to win. I really did love the jerk. Don`t tell anybody:)
Thank you nap…. I really do have a heart. I just mask my hurt with humor. I need a poem or something fitting….
Bev
Popetress of the Patio
Sober for at least another 2 hours 🙂I`ll drink to that Karen!! Like the movie, ‘Risky Business’, Good old Tom….”Sometimes you just gotta say ‘What the Fuck’…”
But I cracked open the bottle and have my music cranked on the patio. I may be in tears but I always rally. And God help the idiot that gets on a southern gal`s enemy list 🙂
Wish you were all here with me. You are in spirit. My neighbors will probably be complaining soon! Not many people want to hear ‘Sweet Home Alabama’ cranked to ear splitting decibal….go figure.
Teri!! I will be staying on the site until I pass out (hopefully for ya`ll it won`t be too long). If I get annoying just shrug and forgive me. I promise to be better tomorrow. This shit just hurts too much for a human being to take. Even me, and I don`t even think of myself as human half the time.
wonder why?????
God, do I remember being where you are right now, Bev. So painful there isn’t enough wine in the world to dull it for very long. Karen xx
It`s ok. I did not even think of wine!! I swear I know my liquor and I opted for Crown Reserve. Also, at SL`s prompting , I bought myself 2 designer purses. Nothing will dul this pain for long but I am giving it the old southern belle try 🙂
Ok, all serious… DAH just came home and handed me a card. I broke down into a million pieces of crying and snot….
I realize no one on this site realizes how many anniversaries that I had so hoped to be acknowledged…But, trust me, it was a lot. Now, I have this stupid card and I have not even opened it. I told him to go away and leave me alone. Sorry, I am a mess.
Teri, I swear, I should get a brick and end this whole mess:)
Pray hard for me gals… this is gonna be a rough ride.
Should I even read the card?
Bev-It is all so hard for us, isn’t it. My opinion is don’t even open it and read it because it will only tug more at your heart. I went through the “flowery” I love you cards so many times, and yes, cried my eyes out every time. Don’t make yourself even more miserable than you already are. Take a match and torch it!
I am sorry you are having such a hard time. Anniversaries (Don’t think I sp that right)are tough, and unfortunately we seem to only dwell on the good times on a day like that. Fix yourself a Crown Royal and reflect on everything he has done to you and what brought you to this point in your life. You may shed a few more tears, but the reality of it should shock you back to what all the days leading up to this day have been like.
Love you, and my thoughts are with you.
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