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STBX is driving me nuts. He won’t answer questions that I need to understand how to get reimbursed for my daughter’s college expenses but then sends me emails complaining I haven’t taken care of it (after he had me blocked from the 529 plan so they won’t talk to me). When I sent an email telling him I have asked for more information in 4 emails and he has not responded, he replied that he agreed that “communication has been frustrating.” Only because you are an ahole, jerkwad.
He is complaining (via attorney FAX and personal email) that I haven’t told him about bills that I paid WHILE HE WAS AWAY at inpatient therapy and had already cleared by the time he got back (and that he sent an email before he left saying he knew about).
He sent an email (second time this has happened) responding to an email I sent keeping him informed about son’s medical and mental health. This is a step above and beyond what our coparenting therapist told me I had to do. She said I could just post it on the online calendar. I was nice enough to send an email with a short explanation. So he is claiming my keeping him informed is really me NOT keeping him informed.
We arranged to keep a calendar for visitation and to also inform each other at least 24 hours in advance about any changes in visitation via email. He is NOT using the calendar or emailing me to let me know about changes in visitation. He only tells my son who is quite forgetful. I have complained numerous times. So this week he sent me an email informing me of regularly scheduled visitation (which he didn’t bother to put on the calendar). This ain’t rocket science- been doing it since April and he still can’t figure it out.
I could go on, of course, but those are ones in the last 2 days. In the big scheme of things, not big deals but he is SUCH AN ASS!
Sorry- wanted to vent before I get to see him this evening.
His ultimate goal is to “destroy” you ( you told me that). How else is he going to do that except thru the kids. As long as he gets a response from you ( of any kind) he won`t quit.
You have got to accept that he is going to F with the kids as long as it upsets you. He knows you are doing everything “by the book”. He is not and it hasn`t gotten him in hot water. Just keep doing what your attorney advises and ignore his non responses as best you can.
I`m so sorry and I hate the cocksucker.
Teri,
You need a break! Girls night out or something.
Of course he has to have center stage, and so he stalls and screws things up and complains so he’s always the focus. Other than ignoring him, which I know is not always an option, yet, I guess a blank expression and “Really!?” is the only response I can think of.
Liza,
How many voodoo dolls can you use for one person? I want one for him, too.
They are big dicks with little pricks? Or big pricks with little dicks? Either way, break out the voodoo dolls.
I know I can’t direct my anger at him. Thank goodness I can share it with you guys.
I am thinking we need to go more evil than voodoo dolls..I will google “black magic”. I am from the south. Surely some of that shit runs thru my veins? I`ll give it my best shot Teri, I am pretty fierce when I focus 🙂
We need something strong for him, he is so evil.
My son told him he doesn’t want to have visitation any more during the school year. He doesn’t remember what dad said (usually means he was too stressed for it to sink in).
Okay- I think this is the dumbest question of all time. A big litmus test question therapists like to ask is “Do you want your son to have a relationship with his father?” I seriously want to ask, “Do you want YOUR kids to have a relationship with my son’s father?” Because if the answer is “no” then you have a lot of nerve asking me.
Oh Teri
I so get it……my STBX blocked my emails, then he complains that he doesn’t know anything and forgets to pick kids up from school. My 9 yr old has to call him from school and ask him if he is picking them up. So then he tells me to use his work email, which I was forbidden to use for 10 months. Of course if I say anything negative about him or his actions he states that he will block me from that too. These men are “F-ing” nuts. He told this to the mediator, that he blocks my emails, and the mediator is like ” how are you two suppose to communicate” he says email, HELLO- your blocking email.
Hang in there I feel your frustration.
JodeeTeri,
He is an ass. Vent away girl! I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I am having quite alot of bullshit things happen too, but I don’t have the strength to write about it yet. Be strong dear friends. It just never ends does it?I am so tired. : (
I`m sorry ( not really), NO, I DO NOT WANT MY SON TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH THE SICK SOB. Call me crazy…but I am honest.
Cindy, I know you are out of energy but please try to hang in there. You can do it. You are worth it. He is not.
Teri,
I agree with Bev – he is trying to destroy you, the really disturbing thing about that is that he is also destroying his children in the process and that is really SICK…. YOu are doing everything right, documenting it all.If you are a praying woman, I really think you need to pray, pray. pray…because he is trully evil and the only thing that is going to win over that is GOD. Please know that you are in MY prayers.
You probably don’t realize it because he is relentless and you are not getting a *break* but, you know, it isn’t working because you keep fighting – he is not breaking you – you are getting STRONGER – you will see, when this is all over and done with, you will WIN!!
Jodee- ugh, yep you got it going on with your SA, too. What is wrong with these guys?
Cindy, so sorry- please write when you are ready. I understand tired. Hang in there. You are better than him.
Deborah, Thanks for the pep talk. I am definitely getting stronger. I never thought the day would come when I would stand up to him like this and not feel constantly scared. But here I am.
Bev, I don’t know anyone who wants their kid to have a relationship with my STBX! In a way, I am glad my son stopped going to Boy Scouts and Tae Kwon Do because I having fits keeping my mouth shut with him around kids. It just makes you think twice about all those adult volunteers/teachers- how much trust you put in them and how little you really know about them. You just assume that they will have good boundaries around kids. Then you find out one of them was contacting hookers while chaperoning Boy Scout camp…
Ok…more on the therapist. Then they ask you if you would want your child to have a relationship with his father if everything was better- dad was all recovered and healthy and a good person and son was magically healed and his memory wiped (ok, that’s not how they put it- they something more vague like “all this is fixed”). I mean, WTF kind of question is that? Sure I’d want him to be with his dad if his dad was a totally different person and my son could suddenly erase the last more than a year.
Therapist asked my son similar question- “What would you want if you could wave a magic wand?” My son told her,”That question doesn’t matter because there are no such things as magic wands.” I love my boy.
I like this therapist, but geez, sometimes therapists can seem caught up in their own psychobabble.
Teri, you have already won. No matter what happens in the divorce, he will always be a loser who’s led through the world by his dick–a man with no soul, no values, no human connections.
Wow, your son really gets it – he is totally in reality – to say to his therapist * there are no magic wands* – that blew me away. Gotta love that boy!! I would have loved to see the therapist’s face when he said that
And yes, Teri, isn’t is amazing how far we have come when we really thing about it – this is one hell of a battle – ahem, I mean
* journey*.“would YOU want your son to have a relationship with my SBX?” God…I wish you could ask that Teri because it REALLY says it all. I just love that little man of yours Teri…he is really something else! Karen xx
Your son ROCKS!!! There are no magic wands. Gotta love it. What kind of help is it that suggests we make our plans on the “magic wand” approach?
Teri, you and your son are a ROCK duo!!!! I admire your ability to be strong and centered during all this. Your son is getting stronger and is very centered. You are a great role model for him!
Love ya, NapThanks, guys. He is a great kid. He is really maturing the last few months and becoming stronger. Now, if he could only get some schoolwork done!
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