- This topic has 11 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 13 years, 1 month ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Dear sisters:
I need your support to help me fight my narcissistic sexually corrupted H, yesterday we met in star buck I was angry and furious about our counseling session ( our first together, i have been going to my own counsling sessions for a while) he requested to see me to talk about it ( we have been separated now for over a year) I told him how furious I was that he was telling the counselor that I was exaggerating what he has done to me in the time we were married ( minimizing) and then what he told her about the stories he told me about the different sexual affairs he had with different women were only fictions he made them up because I kept asking him what else did you do, who else did you fuck. In star buck he stuck again to the same mind fucking games that all these were made up that he only had one affair etc,,,I got furious again I picked up my self and left, shortly after he followed me to the house ( my house he has been living in a different house for over a year now) and he came like nothing has happened talk to my mother who was there at the time and sat down to the dinner table with us, he played with the kids, read them a bedtime story and after that he wanted to watch a movie, I got furious more and more as to how cool he can be after such situation, but i held my self back i did not want to make a scene in front of the kids, when we were alone I told him to fuck up and leave as there is nothing more to talk about, he went on and on about the same things,,,,he finally left, he would not stop his fucking mind games and he would not stop this hunting game he has been playing with me for over a year, he has been after me using every possible way to drag me again into his manipulative sick world, I feel that I am fighting the devil.
Here is the email that I had sent him this morning:My dear Corrupted Husband:
It is very scary to realize that I am still even talking to you, we had over the last year a very sick relationship based on fear, mistrust and maybe control, how did I allow my self to even sit with you for one minute and listen to all this very frightening sickening stories of yours is beyond my comprehension.
Since I discovered your affair over a year ago, we had nothing but defective sickening relationship where I am trying to make sense of the nonsense but you don’t not give me a chance to breath or think clearly, you keep holding on to me and playing one game or another, for the first time since we got married you became so nice and loving why don’t you go back to the angry mean asshole man you were to make it easier on me to move in the right direction the direction of kicking your ass completely out of my life, you had sickened me with all the affairs and relationships you had, which now you are playing games with trying to deny those, oh how sickening and scary you are, when you play such crazy making mind games. I needed to know what did you bring with you at the end of the night to the house, all those sick experiences, emotions, and God knows what else, to know what I am up to, I learned through those stories that you are completely morally corrupted and I learned that use sex, intimidation, and manipulation to gain control on women, sick women.
the painful thing that in the beginning of my year of discovery you were raging at me that it is all my fault that if I ever was there for you, you would never have gotten into all of this that you were searching for attention outside the house because I never gave it to you, I would rage back at you that you were a complete asshole and never treated me right, by your mean behavior you chose to keep me at distance you did not want to be close or intimate with me, you created in our marriage the conditions and the situation to give to your own sick mind the justification to do what you did, now with my continuous discoveries about the extent of your cheating, I am connecting the dots together , you are so sick and so twisted beyond any imagination, in that sick world that you lived in or continue to live in there are all those twisted psycho men and women who will do anything and everything to have their sick twisted bodies and mind tortured no matter what the means are, oh how sick that made me, I feel now that I want to throw up , until now I cannot wrap my head around all of this, it is beyond anything I imagined. I know now enough about your sick world even to make me puke every single day for the rest of my life but yet I cannot gather my strength to call the lawyer and ask her to file for divorce. I am so outraged that cheaters in this sick society get away with murder, you killed, and tortured your own family, you killed and tortured me your own wife and the mother of your own children, that what you call “a mistake” had wounded me so deeply you wounded me in my own sexuality and femininity, I don’t know that I will ever recover from such a wound. You damaged your children for life time, you destroyed their life by breaking the family bond, and their own mother, with all that damage and betrayal that you had caused I cannot go to the court system with all that and ask for justice, but I don’t want for my children to be around someone who is a liar and cheater, someone who uses porn to alleviate his anxiety and go in their imagination into this sick world again, and jerk themselves again and again and again to climax.
what are they going to learn from such a model, but you know I don’t care what the sick justice system has to say that if I ever catch you hurting those kids, hurting their souls and minds by your behavior around them by having sicko women like you around I will not allow you to ever see those children again as you do not deserve to even look into the eyes of those beautiful souls, ( I know it will be a bloody fight, as the court system will not support me especially since you look so good on the outside, but i will fight with my teeth and nails and to the last drop of my blood to protect them from such sick world you live in. strangers who see you get so much deceived by you they get deceived by your looks , your false self , you are the master of manipulation and it is easy for you to manipulate people mind , you managed to deceive me for so long, so no wonder why and how easy for you to deceive many many people, you even convinced me that some of your sick behavior is my fault ( how frightening that is) and not until recently that I started to see you for who you truly are, dark and ugly, you had sold yourself long ago to the devil, the sad thing that you don’t even recognize that, go look into the mirror and see who you truly are, go fix yourself, repent to god for all the pain and suffering you had caused me, and caused many people along this sick sex path you had took through your life, I don’t know that god will ever forgive you , as an infidel like you deserve nothing but to be stoned till death, stop asking me to be close to you to help you to protect you from all those whores out in the world, it is not my freaking job to protect you from your own demons and weaknesses .
I am so furious, that men like you who are criminals, morally corrupted with all the cheating and sick porn watching they do they get away with all that because of their charm, I think that is why you feel so high as to the fact that you can get away with murder, it makes you feel all more powerful to be a criminal, as you are in an eternal search for strength and balance that you know deep inside you don’t have , but you thought through sex and manipulation you can gain that, but let me tell you, you chose the wrong path, you sold your self so cheap to those women, whores just for the false belief that they give a damn about you, for the false attention you seeked from them.
my mind, my spirit and even my heart was contaminated with those sick pictures, words, acts, knowledge of the sexual games you had played with this sick women, I lost my innocence and I don’t know that I will ever gain it back, I got so sick and I just want to be healthy again.
I don’t know why I am still even talking to you maybe because I am so weak that I cannot detach myself from all this, or because maybe I am sick myself at some level, I don’t know, you made me question everything I knew in my life, questioned myself, my heart, my judgment, and my own strength, what I know though that your immorality is rubbing on me it is making me so sick that I cannot think of anything but what you have done, I keep trying to understand it but there is no way that I can understand all this evil world you live in, I cannot understand why after all what god has given you and blessed you with, beautiful devoted woman, beautiful healthy children that people will die to have, you would go and throw all that to the fire to the devil, for the thrill of having your cock in some whore.
I am very sick, I am very hurt, I am very angry and furious, so leave me alone, leave me to find peace, leave me to find trust in myself ( as I lost trust in myself when I realized how fool I was to choose you to be the father of my children, ) to find trust in human kind and their goodness leave me to find people who are good, moral, and don’t sell themselves so cheap to the devil for the thrill of an orgasm or two, leave me to find love again, leave me to find sanity again in this disordered dark world you had dragged me into, leave me to gain my strength back and my balance, so I can teach my kids about morals and good and bad and the consequences of bad behaviors, leave me to teach them about god, love, trust, and peace, loyalty, honesty, and devotion, leave me to teach my daughter that when she is looking for her life partner, not to go after the looks and the charm, but to look deeper into the soul and the heart of the man she is choosing and to choose a kind loving man who will be there for her through the unpredictable life path, through her pain and struggles, through her pregnancy ( which you were never there for me), to be there for her and her children in health and sickness and not sell her cheap for some sick sex with some whores out there, leave me to teach my sons how they should be respecting the women they are going to be with, and not to ever raise their voices on this women, as men were blessed with power that god gave them to protect their families from the evil world that their father had exposed them to, and not to do what their father did when he himself cheap for some ugly sex, that they should love their wives and be devoted to them, let me teach my kids that they should never allow anyone to abuse them in any shape or form and if they ever encounter such people in life that they should stand up for themselves and fight for their sanity, morality and their souls until the last breath.
I don’t want them to see me hurting any more, fuming with anger like a wounded lion in a cage, I don’t want them to see me struggling with sticking to my own morals and values, let me be their role model to what they should do if they ever are mistreated in any shape or form. If you really love them as you claim that you do, then give me my freedom back, help me to come back to the surface of the earth to the sun to the light after you had shoved me for this last one year into the dirt of sexual corruption and immorality. Leave me to find a future that you are not in it, a future where I don’t hear the words sexual addictions, affair, narcissism, I don’t want to read one more book about your sickness I want to start reading books about beautiful children, their beautiful minds, I wan to read about human greatness and accomplishment across the history, I want to gain trust in our humanity again.
I really truly don’t want anything anymore from you, I don’t want to know you , I don’t want to love you, I don’t want to trust you again, I don’t want to be around you I just want you to leave me alone, don’t come to my house, and when you need to pick up the kids just pick them from the front door, don’t call me or come to my work, and if you need to communicate anything with me about the kids, you can communicate through emails or through my father, I don’t want to see you or hear from you, I am just putting it plain and simple to you I gave up hope for you, I gave up hope for us, I don’t see us getting back together to be in a meaningful, healthy relationship.
but I will not give up on my kids, I will fight with my teeth and nails for them and as such I need to fight for my self, for my own sanity and peace and I will only regain my peace if you are very far away from me on all levels, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Sincerely your victim number 1501.Sisters I don’t know what to do,I feel that I am up against the devil, I am really scared of how he can be a master at manipulation everything and everybody comes his way so guide me with your love and wisdom.
LOve
Harmony
Get a lawyer.
A really scary one.
And get as much as you can to start your new life with your children.I agree Harmony with Diane. It’s very obvious you can’t stand the guy and have ALOT of well deserved resentment against him.
Please listen to Diane. She’s right. And you cannot wait for him to do the right thing–to leave you alone. As hard as it is, and as exhausted as I know you are, YOU have to take control of your own life. YOU have to make the rules and set the boundaries. You’re still making appeals to him, and WHY? He is insane. You can’t reason with insanity; you can’t ask anything of it. Don’t waste any more time or breath on him.
Dear Harmony,
Agreed with what Diane said. Only a really good attorney can deal with guys like this. They won’t won’t let your H manipulate ANYTHING. That is their job.
I know the cycle is forever painful, disclose/deny/minimize/lie– act loving– act like an ahole–act out, don’t act out. I mean it is AWFUL.
But he doesn’t have to have power over YOU Harmony. YOu can do this. He wants you to be afraid. Yes, he will be manipulative. But most of the time, when it comes to wives and mothers, the courts are in our favor. He is more scared than you Harmony. Hard to believe. But it is true. There is very little they can do, once the courts are involved.
Roll fwd. And don’t talk to him. No more long letters. only 5 words per text, as pertains to the business of life and kids.
A word of caution Harmony. If he is a narcissist as you suspect give him as little attention as possible and NEVER show him how you feel or what you plan.Narcs thrive on attention..ANY kind of attention. It is just as pleasing to him to have you scream abuse and insults at him as it is for you to love him. Ant attention, negative or positive is what he craves. Limit all contact. Try not to let him near you and do not contact him by email or anything other method. Get a lawyer and let her do all your talking for you. If he is what you think he is you need to get away and do it as simply as possible. You beat this kind of devil with NO CONTACT of any kind and NO REACTION of any kind. Karen xx
kmf beat me to it – I was about to tell you the same thing, Harmony. Don’t feed his narcissistic ego-he thrives on it.
Hugs, SharronDear Harmony:
You and I have simmilar (and unfortunate) experiences. A narcissist is a soul without a footprint. The ebbing of the illusion of the soul is sometimes so gradual and so insidious that you simply react to its contraction. You reach in to try and establish an emotional connection- each time, reaching deeper and deeper into an emotional abyss- with no real response. This person you invested so much in turns out to be a figment of imagination mixed in with a great deal of your wishful thinking. And upon reflection you wonder what parts, if any, of your relationship had any basis in reality.
There is nothing that you can say or do that real “reach” a narcissist – please save yourself as best you can. There is a balance between speaking your truth and finding that “old place of trying to ” reach him”. I hope that this makes sense in the place you are at. Please dont take this as “preaching”… this is some words I have learned and learned very slowly and after much pain and realization….
The best way to deal with narcissists is to maintain firm limits and boundaries. Physical boundaries are very effective and meet the least resistance – Narcissists can accept physical boundaries more readily than any other form of limits or restrictions. They will think of your limiting contact with them as acknowledgement of your defects and their superiority. It will never occur to a narcissist that they could or would behavior inappropriately. Any fault is about you and your inferiority. Emotional boundaries are very unwelcome- They constantly need to never be at fault and are constantly re-writing history in their favor. So their reaction to less than favorable histories is to revise and reinvent to make everything – especially their actions as honorable. In short – please run ….do not walk to the nearest exit. Good luck and keep in touch!!!!Dear sisters
Yes I have a lawyer (who is one of the best divorce lawyer in town), who I retained right after I discovered his affair, but here is my dilemma, I am in a position where I actually make more money than he does, and I have my own business and he does not, I think he will go after me (with his evil ways he got an access into my business files and figured out what my business made last year).
I know because he told me that he already talked to a lawyer ( who is another prominent lawyer in town) who told him that he deserves to get alimony and half of my business ( which he was all along against when I decided to start the business, even though he was the one who dragged me in the first place into that position, but then he wanted me to quit in the middle of the way I refused and went to build it all alone on my own, he never supported me through any of that process, he was matter of fact agonizing me all along going into bouts of rage all the time that I am not giving him any attention, that I would only come back home after a long exhausting day at work and pay attention to my three small children who were all under 5 at the time, who he used to never left a finger to help with anything related to them, there were times when I would have the baby in my lap nursing while the two toddler yelling and screaming wanting this or that and he would be just sitting there flipping through the TV channels dazed in his own fucked world which I just now discovered what kind of sick world he was living in).
he may try to get child support, even though that the kids are primarily with me he gets them only one night per week and one day on the weekend, but I think he will go claiming that he wants a 50% custody which he told me he will and as such wants money to support them, as I told you he looks so good on the outside and he has great reputation in the community that would help him greatly in wining, now it is not the money issue that is holding me back but the injustice of it, that after all the fucking he did, he will be even entitled for money what is so wrong with this world, that criminals not only gets away with their crimes but also with a big prize, also on the top of it with his manipulative ways and how easy for him to control himself he is going to look so decent and so wise in front of the court while I will be fuming with anger, looking like a mad bitch, that is exactly what happened at the counselor office, I was spitting fire, boiling with anger ( and I really tried so hard to control myself but I just could not ) he was sitting there with a smile ( telling her so dr, How do you like me to address you, can I address you with your first name), so this is part of my dilemma that I don’t think that I can emotionally fight this guy in front of the judge and not lose my temper ( even though I used to be a very calm person, but I am just now so hurt, I am in so much pain that I cannot hide my agony). Maybe at the end I have to do what I have to do, but I just want to be wiser and do the right thing for me and for my kids who deserve better than to fall also victims for a defective system.
as i told you I feel I am up against the devil, and with my eternal naivety and innocence I want to gain some more insight into how those people in this dirty world work, I still don’t think I can understand the extent of all of his manipulative ways, and I still don’t want to do anything wrong by my children as after all he is still their father so even if I can get away from him unfortunately they carry his blood, they cannot and they will not.Harmony.
Dear Harmony,
All you can do is get a good lawyer and follow her/his advice? You cannot change the laws of your state …divorce is rarely fair and I am sure your H will do everything he can to try to get everything he can BUT what is your choice? If you want a divorce you have to take the loss or you have to stay married to him. It doesn’t sound like he is any good for you. It sounds like he makes you act crazy and out of control. Maybe you could hire a PI and see if they could drum up any dirt on him that you could then use against him. I really don’t know…it is difficult to beat a narc and usually best to just walk away. Karen xx
Hi Karen, I do have a lawyer and I am going to meet with her again next week , at any rate After the discovery of the extent of his betrayal and what he has been doing behind my back last year I felt that I should protect myself from such an evil untrustworthy person as at that time I have not yet figured out the extent of his betrayal and sickness at that time, so I had the lawyer draft a form she called “ marital settlement” more like postnuptial agreement, where we outlined the financial terms and the children status, the jest of it is that I own what I own ( the home I am paying the mortgage for and my business and he owns what he owns, since I kicked him out he initially lived in an apartment but now he bought a home, and he is well to do, we are middle class people we both have secure jobs), that no one of us has any rights to the others money, belongings, including retirement, social security etc.,,,and with the children that we would share legal custody but they will spend most of their time in my house and visit him two days a week ( like he asked for since I kicked him out )
He initially got angry that I did this, then he said he will maybe sign it one day when he feels more settled ( and when he trusts me as to what I am going to do eventually, the bastard dares to even mention the word trust, as if I am the one who went outside the marriage and did all the cheating) but he would go back and forth on this issue, but all along he would assure me that he will never go after my money, that he was never interested in my money (which is really not true, as early in our marriage he made me put his name on the house title even though I was the only one on the mortgage, paying the mortgage and responsible for most of the expenses, we made the same amount of money at that time, his excuse was that he had a lot of expenses with alimony and child support, he was married before, and I accepted that excuse and took it upon myself to keep a roof over our head as he dragged me without me knowing into beyond our means life style ( we bought our house at the peak of the real estate bubble at a very high price, it is now not even worth half the price we paid for or should I say I paid for and continue to pay for), I had to work so hard through my pregnancies and deliveries to do that, but even that he resented me for because I could not give him the attention he needed and I would fight with him that if he wants me to stay home or work less he has to butt up more money to cover our high expenses but he would never answer to that or he would say that I am not the only working mother in the universe that all women work but yet they do tend to their husbands and their children after their work, or he would say that he does not have the money but yet he went on to buy three cars ( his lame excuse was that it is his only hobby and every man has a hobby that he spends money on) in spite of my very angry and loud protestation against all this crazy stuff he was doing what ever he wants, I truly was powerless with him.So anyway after I sent him this email that I included in the beginning of this post, I blocked my cell phone so he cannot text me or call me on my cell, he responded with this yesterday:
Hi Harmony I just came back from church I was praying for both of us and especially for your peace , I tried to call you( but of course your phone is blocked ! ) To tell you I want to sign your financial paper or even divorce if you want. I have no financial reservation as I told you many times before. I have to discuss the children with you before signing anything and we have to reach a mutual agreement on how things will be with them so there will be no friction between us in the future. If you want to discuss that you know where to find me. I’m truly sorry for your agony and pain. AlexSo I decided not to respond to this email, as I felt he may try to manipulate me so he sent this email today
Ok. Now I’m really mad. You don’t even have the courtesy to respond to my kind words in my e mail. For over 6 months I’m taking your abuse and disrespect because of the children but that only made you more crazy and abusive. So, harmony I’m not signing anything and you can do whatever you want. Alex
What a crazy manipulative son of bitch he is, god how was I so blind and dismissing of all the red flags that I had seen over the years, why did I allow him to manipulate me and use me in any way he wanted, why did I choose to close my eyes, my ears and all my senses and shut down my common logic is really behind anything I can understand.
but i am determined to find out the answers for myself.I am sorry that my posts are so long, but i just have so much to say and I guess I finally have audience to listen to my story as for the longest he wanted me to believe that it is all in my imagination.
so thank you for your listening and for your compassion.
HarmonyHarmony,
you cannot contact him for anything legal. You just can’t. It all has to go through the attorney. I don’t know what kind of idiot his attorney is, but taking half your business and having you pay child supp or alimony will be very difficult. The courts still protect/favor mother’s and children.
He is staging and theatening. but he is a ball of hot air. like a narc would be. Please do not make any attempts to negotiate anything. AND do not email him any insults or rantings. he WILL use it against you. effectively.
from now on in, MUM is the word. all contact by text, only business of life/children. legal negotiations for attorney . just keep it moving….you don’t need to discuss the children with him. you need to talk to your attorney and get the court involved as soon as humanly and financially possible. repeat, as soon as possible.
The more time you give him to spin his wheels, the bigger the smear campaign he will try to paint. Harmony, be clever wise and prudent. for you, and for your kids.
Have either of you filed anything yet?
What kind of businesss do you file as? C corp, S corp, joint part or Sole prop?
If neither of you filed divorce as of yet. Get your business in someone elses name. have anyone that you trust to do so? Sell it to them for a dollar. have them make you an employee. give them small fee/reward each qtr. talk with attorney to strategize. if you become employee w-2, of your company, owned by someone else. he gets much less. can only go after your paycheck. can’t touch assets or equity of company. just a thought
- The forum ‘Relationships’ is closed to new topics and replies.